Can we afford a child?

[BlackLipstick]

Our joint income is over £3500 a month, after tax. Our mortgage, bills and food costs £1500 a month.

My husband thinks we can't afford a child because childcare about be £1200 a month (for 5 days full time). He thinks £800 is not enough disposable income. He loves to spend money but I doubt many families have more than £800 disposable income a month. If we had a child I would want to reduce my days to 4 days but that would be a bigger drop in income which he isn't keen on.

The £800 would have to pay for car insurance (about £500 annual), clothes, days out, anything else needed etc.

Why not decide how much you'd need to have saved in order for him to feel comfortable and decide how much of that disposable income you'd both need after everything to be happy. Then have an honest conversation about if he truly wants a baby. To be honest it doesn't sound like it.

Sounds like your husband’s love of spending money outweighs his desire to have a child.

Yeah to me it sounds like it’s an excuse. A baby is always going to impact finances. I’m sure if you had more money he would be spending it on himself anyway.

£800 is more than enough. I will have that next year as I'm pregnant and have to pay food, days out, repairs, clothes etc out of that and I've got one DD and twins on the way

Doesn't sound to me that he really wants kids if he's coming up with such an excuse

Does he want children?
Totally doable but does depend on what kind of life you want that child to have and what kind of life you (both) want.

It's up to you really OP. We were always told if we wanted a child we would find a way to afford them.

You will always get people saying "I fed my 10 kids on £20 a week" etc but it's what you are comfortable with.

It's good you are looking into this before having children but consider what you and DH think is acceptable for YOU after all bills etc are paid.

DH and I could have another child but right now it would mean having £500 left at the end of the month and while I appreciate that's more than some people, for US it's scary because we are used to having a bigger cushion.

If you have no childcare help then nursery fees do take up a large chunk of your wages. You could consider doing condensed hours at work or dropping one day so you have less childcare fees (although this might not work overall if your salary outweighs the saving you make on childcare).

Other thing to remember is childcare fees aren't forever. Once they are 3 they get 30 hours free which is a big help and if you go back to work when the baby is 1 it's only 2 years of paying childcare.

The other thing, as other posters have said is does your DH want a child either now or eventually? DH and I go out a lot less now we have DC and that almost covers the childcare fees

Can you save? Do you have savings? If you currently have 2k a month for spending on essential and non essential items how much could you save?
What is your maternity pay? How much would you need to save to have say 12months off and still have £800 a month to spend? Do you qualify for child benefit which will increase monthly income?

If you saved hard for 12 months, plus the 8-9 months of pregnancy would that make a difference? How much do you need to save to cover a maternity leave and 2 years of higher childcare costs?
When a child is 3 there is some subsidised childcare, so it is in reality 2 years of that higher cost - as 12m on mat leave and then two years of higher childcare.

Of course you can!

Could he have a bit of sticker shock? Disposable income dropping form £2k to £800 means a huge lifestyle change. Also, if £800 needs to cover savings, kid stuff and anyhting out of mandatory costs. It would freak me out aswell and take some adjustment.

I'd say talk to him about this whole having kids thing and what he feels is needed to be financially comfortable. Then do some calculations and see what can be done.

Have you taken into account the tax free childcare scheme? Where the government top up? So you pay 80% of childcare fees. Which would bring the cost less than 1000 a month.

I think it’s unfair to say he clearly just doesn’t want a child based on the info you give. Thinking about it in terms of cold hard cash and the drop in disposable income (and change in lifestyle that might come along with that) is enough to give anyone pause for thought.

You have to look at it in the terms suggested already:

• that childcare bill is only really for 2 years
• the lifestyle change is happening anyway as you can’t carry on as you are now once you have a child to consider
• you can save first and lessen the impact of the reduction in cash over the hardcore childcare years
• your circumstances will change or evolve over the years anyway.

DH and I earned less than half what we earn now when DS was born 7 years ago. Our disposable income was low but we saved for length of my pregnancy so we had about £6k in savings by the time I went on mat leave which meant that we could cover some holidays, emergencies, christmases, any big purchases, whilst getting through those early years without worry or being completely miserable.

But then the 15 hours kicked in. We’ve had promotions/pay rises, life has moved on.

You live to your means. You plan, you budget.

Of course you can afford a child on that - unless you and your husband are so spoiled with treats for yourselves etc that you cannot for-see having less than the 800/month totally doable. Sounds like your husband doesn’t want a child.

Don't have kids with this arse hat OP. I have recently found out that my BIL was a selfish cocklodger with my DSIS. When they had my DN, all BIL did was complain about how they suddenly had no money to do anything anymore. Which really meant he couldn't fritter away DSIS salary on himself anymore.

He doesn't want kids. He is not willing to make any sacrifices or compromise. It will only be worse once kids are involved.

I've got 2 on less than that!
It entirely depends on what you prioritise in your life. Some people like being able to go on holidays whenever, expensive clothes/cars etc. And there is nothing at all wrong with that, me and dp certainly lived like that before kids.

Now we have to be savvy with money, holidays are something that are saved up for as are home improvements etc and we just drive a basic run of the mill car. But we wanted children so that's what we had to do and neither of us regret it. I much prefer spending money on family days out and things to make the kids happy than I do on expensive things for myself (although do treat yourself occasionally!)

To me it sounds like your dh doesn't want that which isn't bad in itself but if the plan was always to have kids then obviously you need to look at if he'll ever be ready

I think it's more that he doesn't want to lose his current lifestyle to be honest, not that he doesn't want a child. He just doesn't want to make any sacrifices. He'd probably be happy to have one if you had more money and could afford his lifestyle of spending and the child. Trouble is, you can't most likely.

Childcare at that cost isn't forever either - it's at is worst for the first two years and then it will reduce

I think he is taking a strange viewpoint. As pp have said, the nursery fees are really for 2 years and then after school clubs etc are much less. It is weird to write off having a child based on 2 years of expenses out of the 18+ you are supporting them for
Why not start putting aside some money now towards childcare to spread the cost? Kind of similar to what I am doing - I am currently doing evening study through my employer and putting away the money that it would cost each month if I were paying. We are planning to start TTC after I finish my studies and that way I’ll have a good cushion of savings already built up to supplement my maternity pay which is fairly crap.

£800 a month

Course uou can afford a child

But

As others said sounds like dh is unsure

Childcare is costly but after 3yrs the 30hrs kick in

Or you change jobs and work evenings /nights so no chike age to pay

He doesn't really want a baby. Or at least he doesn't want a baby enough to sacrifice anything in order to accommodate it.

I would think long and hard about whether you want him to be the father of your child. I can only imagine if you are a SAHM for any amount of time he will delight in control "his money" because you wanted the baby and there's no point you going back to work if it won't "cover" the cost of childcare for your joint child, without him thinking of it as joint income with room for him to be flexible too.

He sounds like the type you'd have to "ask" for extra money from whatever he's allocated to you if anything comes up unexpectedly and he would make you feel guilty and shit for it. Honestly OP he sounds like a dick.

Yes you can afford a baby. What you can't afford is to spend another 10 years with a pathetic coward who doesn't want a baby and hides behind excuses.

Most people don't have grandparents providing free childcare. And he already doesn't approve of the idea of you dropping to four days a week, so if he ever does 'let' you have a baby, you will have to work full time and probably do all the nights and early mornings because you were the one who wanted a baby.

You need to have some very long conversations with him, asap, before your fertile years are long gone and you're left without children
This!

Also because marriage to a tight spendthrift is not a recipe for happiness with or without children!

What does he spend on?

I think you need to have a serious conversation with him about whether HE actually wants a child. Then you need to discuss finances because as a few other posters have pointed out, what you deem your disposable income you are actually using to pay important bills e..g car insurance). You have less disposable income than you, and may posters on this thread, think.

Hi OP. All depends on what you like to do in your spare time. Remember you’ll not go out as much when you have a baby, and it may mean a few years without a holiday. If that’s where the bulk of your spare money goes now then you’ll save on those things to pay for childcare instead. If you do decide to start trying for a baby I recommended you start putting money away now so when baby arrives you can have a comfortable maternity leave. Or use it to top up your wages once back at work to help cover childcare costs

Wow! £800 a month disposable income
Most people don’t have that

He doesn’t want a child op
That’s the bottom line

I had a rough budget for childcare in mind and then fell pregnant with twins. My childcare estimate went from £1300 a month to £2600 a month for full time for two.