To ask is anybody truly happy with their lives?

[Friedbanana]

(Before covid too) I just sometimes really wonder if anyone is truly happy as everyone around me seems to have so many struggles/stresses, and the general state of the world is so helpless with global warming, hunger, backwards politics etc.. I’ve had this mindset before covid but obviously things are even worse now for many..
I’ve always wanted children at some point in the future (I’m only mid twenties) but sometimes I wonder whether I want to bring a child into this world in the state it’s currently in :(

So yes, just asking if anyone is truly content, and maybe if you are could you give some background eg work/family situation etc. And what you think has contributed to your content life!

@Emancipated - ”No. Childhood trauma, cripplingly low self esteem and poor mental health contribute to me spending most of my time worrying about the future, regretting past decisions and generally feeling like life is just so fucking hard.
Anti depressants help but rarely raise me into the happy category.
Despite the fact I have so so many good and lovely things in life.
I wish I was more optimistic and resilient and just generally more content.”

My words entirely. I know I have a really happy life but I can’t feel it. It’s a bugger.

Yes I am. Life hasn't always been perfect but right now my life is good. Admittedly it was a lot better last year before covid and March to July this year was very up and down. But in general I have a good life. I had awful mental health from about 23 to my mid 30's but I'm thankfully past that now and my 40's have been great.

What makes me happy is the people in my life. In particular my children, especially after years of fertility problems. Also my lovely friends. I also love travel, whether locally or nationally, I just love nature and to see new things.

This is an amazing thread, I am awestruck and humbled by some of the things you have all been through.

I have got happier as I've got older. My mum (a single parent) died suddenly when I was 5 and the grandparents and uncles who brought me up were dealing with their own grief, so mine wasn't well-processed. However, I was safe and cared for, and my family really believed in and valued education, which made a massive difference to how I saw myself and the world. I met DH when I was young and got lucky - he's one of the good ones, still my best friend 25 years later and a great dad to our happy, lovely DS. Money and work are ok, stable and decent, we don't want for anything.

I nearly died 5 years ago, but was lucky to have life-saving surgery and made a full recovery. This year I've had Covid and it was a debilitating bloody nuisance, but I'm still here and I am very happy, just grateful to live each day.

What a lovely post @j712adrian. It brought a tear to my eye.

I'm very cool with my life.

Nearly 50. Excellent husband. Great income.

Love my siblings.

Two children. One easy, one challenging.

Ace parents.

I mean DP and I don't have kids yet but yes... we're v happy

Yes, I am. Love my job, live in a great place and my kids are happy, life is good. My husband and I called it quits three years ago and it was the best thing that could have happened. I now have a peaceful life full of interesting friends and events and I please myself. Lockdown has been different of course but I’ve enjoyed being at home and doing what I want, cooking and reading and crafting, walking round a deserted city. I’m so contented.

It's hard to be 100% happy. I am in my late twenties and I still have so much to achieve, but i'm on my way there and trying to understand good things take time. I do have a lovely family, a full set of grandparents and an amazing husband, which makes me feel loved and valued.

Yep I'm happy and content with life, I honestly can't imaginenot being. I'm married to a brilliant equal and we have 5 fantastic little girls. We are very fortunate, the life we have is the life we wanted, we hsfr enough money to choose our life which means if we don't like something we can change it and quickly. I do think in that sence money helps our happiness. We also have brilliant people around, not massive numbers of friends but the ones we have are bricks and although we haven't seen them as much as we woukd like due to C19 we also have great families.

Change what you can to make yourself happier, however small the change is: as an example a few years back pre children i was one of the people who planned to stand exactly where the train doors opened, every day. One day i decided to let thwt go and to stand in a random place and not worry about the best position. Suddenly realised how relaxing that one move made the 5 minutes of every day and never went back.

Also learn to let go of anything you can't change.

I am very happy. Seven years ago I had a breakdown, a complete breakdown, which led to my spending the following several years in bed. I am now fairly well. My life is different from what it was, and not what I would have expected, but I am happy.

It depends where you look for happiness as to whether you find it

Some people choose to be miserable, then wonder why they’re not happy 😬

Happy is a state you can choose

Deeply, deeply unhappy. I had a charmed childhood, never had money worries, had a great career, lots of fab boyfriends, been with partner for 15 years now, enjoyed excellent health, lucky enough to retire mid 40s, travelled a lot, eat out a lot, have a lovely house and count my blessings every day. I am viewed as having won the jackpot in life in many ways but I feel like I'm constantly in the pits of despair. Not ever been truly happy or content.

I’ve had a terrible childhood (alcoholic parent with alcohol induced psychoses, extreme poverty, bullying, low self esteem, loneliness etc.).
I have also lived through a war and was living as a refugee for a while.

I have learned a lot from my childhood and luckily avoided making the same mistakes my parents have made. I now live in a peaceful country. I have a wonderful, loving husband, a daughter attending university and another baby girl on the way. I also have a good job which I was lucky enough to keep.

Remembering my earlier hardships does not make me feel depressed or traumatised. It actually makes me feel proud of myself and grateful for everything I have. I am truly happy and at peace most of the time.

Not really. I don’t seem to understand the point of life and have felt like this since I was young. Have three dc, but two have special needs and won’t live independently. I’m tired and exhausted a lot of the time and resentful of my dh who leaves a lot of the mental heavy lifting to me. But we’ve got a roof over our heads and food in our stomach so I guess that’s the main thing.

I don’t seem to understand the point of life and have felt like this since I was young.

I don't think there is a "point" to life- but that doesnt mean it can't be worthwhile.
I am not reigious, I don;t believe there is any "meaning" to life, but as long as I am here I will make the best of my time, finding joy and helping others to do so.

I could improve a lot of things, but currently don't have the energy to make the changes required, so I would say I was accepting of my life, as opposed to happy with it.

@Tobythecat I haven't seen you around for quite a while. I'm sad you are feeling like this. I wish I could hold your pain for a while to let you heal ❤️

I would be if not for infertility and miscarriage. I have so much to be grateful for- incredible husband, my health, decent job, nice home, supportive family, good friends, volunteer for a cause I believe in and comfortable standard of living all contribute to that. If I could just manage to get and stay pregnant and complete our family with a child (we just want one) I can’t think of anything else I could possibly want or need.

This is an interesting thread. I think the foundations for happiness are rooted in childhood. As I’ve got older, I have come to believe that those early experiences set the tone for everything that follows. Bonding with two (hopefully) loving parents. Good relationships with siblings, having friendships which support you through school. A wider family who care about you and take up the slack when parents are struggling. Having a sense of belonging somewhere . Not moving all the time, putting down roots. The lack of these things weakens us and sets us up for struggle. Yes, it is possible to overcome setbacks in life but it is so much harder to go into adult life without that core strength and solid basis in life.
I am very lucky in many ways. However the lack of security and love I experienced as a child has deeply scarred me.
I would probably be very happy if it weren’t for one difficult thing in my life, an adult son with severe depression. It really is true that as a mother you can only be as happy as your unhappiest child. Whatever I do personally , I cannot compensate for the fact that I can’t help my son. I can have happy moments, yes, but essentially my life is blighted and ruined by this one thing which I have no control over. I was very struck by your earlier posting @speakout. It’s great you can rise above your worries enough to take time for self care and focus on yourself. It takes great strength and focus to do that sometimes in the face of personal challenges which can seem overwhelming.

Such a complex question.

I am an optimistic person, so can see good in most people or situations. It helps! When everyone else falls apart, I can often see the way forward, and show them hope.

I believe in the goodness of humans. Yes, I get let down but I also get to be part of lots of good things.

I have the best DH who I adore, a great job that I love, and no money worries. I'm looking forward to retirement in a year or two.

The downside is I am lonely. Best friend died, and issues with her DH and new friend have soured our friendship circle. My family are all far away. Ihy

I wonder whether people who have been through adversity are almost more likely to realise how precious life is and learn to live in the moment and enjoy it? Some of the happiest on this thread have had some very hard times.

I’m generally thrilled with how my life has turned out and very happy with it. I have a lovely husband, really loving kids, much more money than I had as a child, an interesting job and close friends. But to I think I only really understood how special all that was after a serious injury. I was in acute pain for 18 months and remember thinking “if only I could go back to my old life I would treasure every second” and I learnt to grab the minutes I wasn’t in pain and enjoy them. I’m now in much less pain and recognise every day how lucky I am.

I also don’t think being truly happy means you are happy all the time. There are days I am stressed and moody, or sad About the state of the world, or anxious about something at work. But that doesn’t mean I’m not generally very happy.

I wonder whether people who have been through adversity are almost more likely to realise how precious life is and learn to live in the moment and enjoy it? Some of the happiest on this thread have had some very hard times.

I think that may well be true- I have been though some really bad times in my life- some things that may even shock- and now I am so grateful to life a modest life.
I have family who love me and a roof over my head, I don't live in fear and the simplest of things give me huge amounts of pleasure.

Posted too soon.

I have no real reason to be anything but happy and mostly am. I count my blessings.

I had a rather shitty childhood with all of the trauma I don't like to think of, but this life I've worked so hard to build is solid. That's something that makes me happy.

I have started a new mindfulness type thing each day. When I get into bed at night I try to feel the soft covers, cosy jammies etc etc. Think about how safe and warm and comfortable I am, and how close I am to my DH and DC. Picture my loved ones safe in their homes, and all the people across the country safe and sound asleep from newborns sleeping their first night away next to their parents to the elderly surrounded by carers.

If that doesn't help lift my mood I like to list in my head what I've got the kids for Christmas it's like a modern slightly crazed mother's version of counting sheep...

I'm so glad for this thread. It's helped ground me and remind me of how lucky I am. Some of the pain in the lives of others is unimaginable. As a few PP have touched on, I think I should realise it's not realistic to be happy all the time and the occasional worry, grump, stress etc is allowed. I have a real tendancy to worry and feel very down, then beat myself up about feeling like that because I'm so lucky and there are people living in refugee camps etc it's not a helpful cycle.