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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask is anybody truly happy with their lives?

156 replies

Friedbanana · 09/10/2020 18:53

(Before covid too) I just sometimes really wonder if anyone is truly happy as everyone around me seems to have so many struggles/stresses, and the general state of the world is so helpless with global warming, hunger, backwards politics etc.. I’ve had this mindset before covid but obviously things are even worse now for many..
I’ve always wanted children at some point in the future (I’m only mid twenties) but sometimes I wonder whether I want to bring a child into this world in the state it’s currently in :(

So yes, just asking if anyone is truly content, and maybe if you are could you give some background eg work/family situation etc. And what you think has contributed to your content life!

OP posts:
Giespeace · 09/10/2020 22:29

During the year 2020 I’ve given birth to a stillborn son and DH and I have both been made redundant. Talk about kicking us when we were already so, so down.
I’m still generally happy. DS is an amazing wee boy (not biased, he actually is just the best wee guy in the world) and I am constantly amazed at how lucky I am to be his Mum, DH I love to distraction, he gets right on my last nerve sometimes but overall I know what we have been through isn’t breaking us, it’s making us stronger. Our house is a bit of a riot and sometimes I feel so defeated when I look around and mentally scroll through the list of things that need done, but it’s a nice house in a nice area, room for us to grow as a family, and I know it’s still sheer luxury compared to how many people across the world live. DS2s death has taught us that we are more loved and respected by our family, friends and wider network than we could have ever guessed or imagined (a lesson I would gladly have forgone if I could have my precious boy here with me).
So my life is generally happy, even if it didn’t feel like it this afternoon when the pain of missing DS2 took my breath away and my legs from under me.
I do think happiness is something most people can choose, and work at.

DishingOutDone · 09/10/2020 22:29

I’ve had some pretty difficult and sad times in my life so I think that’s what makes me recognise and enjoy happiness now? I’ve got my Dds, they are upstairs getting ready for bed, I have a nice place to live, I have some long term health problems but ok at the moment, I would prefer to divorce H but again in the current climate I’m just content we are all living and breathing. Interestingly though DD17 has severe depression and she told me that she believed no one was truly happy with ☹️ Are you depressed OP?

keeprocking · 09/10/2020 22:31

to have so many struggles/stresses, and the general state of the world is so helpless with global warming, hunger, backwards politics etc

There have always been times of great stress about the general state of the world, the pandemic will be the first time that the majority of younger parents,

DishingOutDone · 09/10/2020 22:31

So sorry for your loss @Giespeace.

MrsMcMuffins · 09/10/2020 22:32

I am happy with my life, but don’t expect it to be perfect and without worries or sorrows. The unhappiest people I know are people who think too much about whether they are happy or not.

Theorangeorange · 09/10/2020 22:41

I'm really happy. My life isn't perfect (I'd like to be in a financial position to give up my work or reduce my hours) but I'm so grateful for everything I have, in particular my husband, children, family & friends.

TheDaydreamBelievers · 09/10/2020 22:44

Yes, I'd say I'm happy.

Things that contribute-

Strong loving partnership
Close friendships with kind and engaging people
Supportive and loving family (both mine and DHs)
Meeting personal goals
Love my job and my job contributes to the wellbeing of others, its consistent with my values
Financial stability (not wealthy but not worried)
I get a lot of joy out of small things - a hill walk, wild swimming, laughing with friends on a walk, cosying up under a blanket or beside a fire, reading

VetOnCall · 09/10/2020 22:47

I am. I get to live in beautiful, incredible Alberta, Canada, right on the doorstep of the mountains where I can hike and kayak and camp and ski all the time. I'm literally living my dream here, it makes my soul sing. I'm fit and healthy and so are my family and close friends. I have the best job in the world and work flexibly so I can spend loads of time outdoors with my dogs, I have a lovely family and friends and an amazing DP who would literally do anything for me, I have my aforementioned beloved dogs who are the joys of my life. We are childfree by choice and I'm very happy about that. We have a lovely house and a very good income, we can pretty much do what we want, buy what we want and go where we want. We travel extensively (except for this year!). Freedom has always been so important to me and I have that.

CostaCosta · 09/10/2020 22:54

Yes. I am a sahm with two ds and a lovey dh. I am so thankful for my children and that I get to spend so much time with them.

gamerchick · 09/10/2020 22:57

I am. I can say I am quite comfortably.

However, if I could go back in time with my knowledge, I wouldn't have had kids.

Make of that what you will.

AskforJanice · 09/10/2020 23:05

I am. And not because I’m particularly successful as I’m not. But because of my two amazing annoying kids and the lovely friends and family I’m surrounded by and who make me laugh every single day x

Pollaidh · 09/10/2020 23:06

I've had some really awful times, traumatic incidents, serious MH problems, I'm disabled and in chronic pain, and had to change career as a result, one of my DC has a serious health problem. I've had therapy.

But... I'm really happy. Some things (health especially) could be better, but I've got so much. I'm going to sound like Pollyanna, but I've got a wonderful supportive DH, lovely children, plenty of money, a fascinating job which does real good in the world, lovely boss, interesting hobbies, good friends, time to volunteer for causes I believe in.

The money definitely makes the hard things, like health, better though it can't cure me or DC. I think it helps that I've got quite simple tastes, and as I volunteer with people in greater need in the UK, and through my job am very aware of how bad things are in some other parts of the world, I really appreciate how lucky I am.

Pukkatea · 09/10/2020 23:15

I think people can be very happy, but I don't believe there is anyone who doesn't on some level strive for greater happiness. Even if it doesn't exist.

Pukkatea · 09/10/2020 23:18

Also, mental health issues have definitely taught me, the main difference between my states of happy and unhappy is my own framing of my life. My fortunes haven't changed dramatically in years but my happiness has - a different mindset about essentially the same thing can have a big impact.

loubieloo4 · 09/10/2020 23:20

If you had asked me at the beginning of last year, I would of said absolutely. Amazing dh had just been made director of his company after working his way up for 20 years, I was starting a masters, our eldest 2 were at uni close to home, our youngest was loving school and doing really well and we were looking for our perfect house. Finally no money worries as such and a pretty perfect life.....

Then last April dh (38 at the time) was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal bowel cancer with less than 12 months to live, our lives fell apart. We lost 2 pets within a month of each other and we could no longer continue with our plans. The last year has been awful. Then last week my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, I haven't found the courage to tell the children yet.
Dh is on chemo and has out lived his life expectancy so we are very much on borrowed time.

But.... we have spent the most amazing time together since covid, I'm unable to work and the children were off school/uni. Never have we managed to have spent so much time together and it really has been priceless. The future for us is very bleak and right now it takes me all my energy to face each day.

ScaramoucheFandango · 09/10/2020 23:21

I feel very lucky overall.

CounsellorTroi · 09/10/2020 23:23

Yes I am. Took voluntary early retirement last year. None of the anxieties I had about it - feeling a bit lost and rudderless, missing the social aspects, my relationship with DH suffering through spending more time together - have actually materialised. It's all good.

GrandAltogether · 09/10/2020 23:25

@BewilderedDoughnut

My life, even during this pandemic is pure bliss. I attribute that largely to the fact that my husband and I are childfree (by choice). No matter what happens in life, no matter how horrible, it’s MILES easier without having kids to worry about.

We’re a great team. Best friends. We laugh constantly. Hang out. Long, lazy days eating snacks and watching movies. Prior to lockdown we used to travel all the time.

Bad things still happen to us but we’re a team against the world with next to no responsibilities.

I’ve seen you say that on other threads and remember because You seemed so vehement about it. I was childfree, very happily, by choice until I turned 40, and entirely understand the choice not to have children, as I was childfree for far more of my adult life than I’ve been a parent. But I can’t say that having a child worsened any aspect of the past, extremely odd year, during which DH and I quit our jobs, moved countries, spent spring and summer living in temporary accommodation after a house purchase fell though etc.

You sound rather catastrophising about the idea of children. It’s not really so very different to not having them.

OP, I would say that I’m interested in my life, and that’s key for me, although the last year has been challenging — but I’d say my life satisfaction level is higher now than it was when life was calmer and more predictable.

Didlum · 09/10/2020 23:27

No I'm not. I had a lovely dh for 19 years but he died in his 40s. My teenage dds are lovely. I have lovely friends. I do miss having someone to share the responsibility with and who lived the dds like i do though. Parents were very dysfunctional but I'd created my own happy family so wish dh was still here. Dysfunctional parents are still going strong of course!

Lineofconcepcion · 09/10/2020 23:29

Yes, love it.

Ilovegreentomatoes · 09/10/2020 23:30

Not really happy.A toxic childhood meant I didn't develop the necessary skills you need in life to be mentally stable.Not really had good relationships with men either seem to pick the narcissists and users.However I have my dd and I'm proud to say I've brought her up on my own since birth which is a hard job but now she's 13 it's like there's finally light at the end of the tunnel.

Badhairday101 · 09/10/2020 23:31

Yes I'm happy and feel very grateful everyday. That's not to say that my life is perfect or that I have loads of money and can just do whatever I want. I've had really difficult times but I'm resilient and know I can get through anything. I've just always felt excited about life and enjoyed the process.

SonjaMorgan · 09/10/2020 23:31

Yes. I think the smallest things make me happy. I didn't have the best childhood and I experienced DV in my younger years. My life now is everything I dreamed of and more.

I have however faced challenges and have issues. I had to close my business due to covid, I have had some horrid health issues and received a crappy diagnosis last month.

Cam2020 · 09/10/2020 23:32

If you focus on the positives and what you have, you will be happier.

My life has taken a very difficult turn over the last few years and things are difficult and stressful but I have a roof over my head, my terminally ill partner is still alive, my daughter is happy and thriving. I make time to appreciate theittle things every day: a good cup of coffee, birdsong, crunching autumn leaves - the silly stuff that life is made of and is so sorely overlooked. There are lots of things in life you can't control or change - do what you can (vote according to your own convictions, support causes that you believe in) but don't get bogged down by it all. People, have lived through far, far worse - be grateful.

TrixiePants · 09/10/2020 23:52

I'm surprised how many people have a career they love! Because I don't, clearly. I am ever so grateful for health, kids, dh, friends. I worry and stress a lot though so I cant say I'm truly content.

I have, since a teenager, thought that life is pointless and we are just passing the motions till death... for example, I find eating and hunger a chore and lots of things, especially around the house, a chore. I used to enjoy high adrenalin activities like skiing or being reckless, but since kids I am very risk averse. I also would prefer to live somewhere near the mountains before I grow too old, but I cant see how to generate enough income.

I am cheerful and optimistic and always joking about. It's difficult for me to articulate but I guess I'm saying you dont have to be depressed to recognise or even anticipate death, as the ultimate freedom.