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AIBU?

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Original poster

Reported to social services by coworker

434 replies

UnsocialServiced · 09/10/2020 17:39

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?

OP posts:
Misshapencha0s · 09/10/2020 18:18

If you are neglectful then so are the rest of us! She sounds unhinged. I can't believe social services would pursue this in any way if her only concern is your child watching TV excessively now and again out of necessity. Is there anything else about her that is a bit odd?

CreamCabbages · 09/10/2020 18:19

She couldn’t sleep for worrying? I’d be very concerned for her mental health.

Speak with your manager, that is not normal.

mumwon · 09/10/2020 18:20

(has it ever occurred to anyone that the dc in Enid Blyton where definitely neglected & their diet!)

Friendsoftheearth · 09/10/2020 18:20

SS will have no grounds whatsoever to be worried about this. Every family up and down the land have had to do this for months!!!!

It is really important that you do not allow this vindictive woman worry you. Please email the most senior person in your company to deal with this - or HR whatever the usual route, she actually sounds deranged.

SS are certainly not there to be checking that kids aren't watching too much toy story - if only!! Forget it, and escalate this with your employers. She could be doing this to other parents, perhaps she is mentally unstable or has another reason for this action, but it must not be allowed to continue.

Pour a glass of wine this evening, and stay calm IF they ring you next week (they most likely won't) What a crap thing to happen!

FenellaVelour · 09/10/2020 18:21

@thenorthernluce

They will laugh like drains, then send a template letter that basically says “fuck off”, while muttering among themselves about the stupidity of some people with no clue about how seriously neglected some kids are.
Am a social worker. This is precisely what will happen.

I’d take it further your end, though, OP. Can you speak with your manager?

UtterlyDone · 09/10/2020 18:22

When we got reported by another parent from school because my daughter was seen limping (known issues with hips and legs) they contacted school to ask if they had any concerns and closed the case after that as school told them we'd been to the GP and were awaiting further tests.

So I doubt it'll be anything more than a quick phonecall to Nursery.

Friendsoftheearth · 09/10/2020 18:23

SS would need to remove every kid in the land according to your work colleague! And lord knows what they would make of my teen's screen time in the peak of the pandemic Confused

Really just when you think in the middle of such a crisis that someone would do such a thing....

Nonotthisagain · 09/10/2020 18:24

'Dear colleague, I couldn't sleep for worrying about how bizarrely invested you are in my life and what is completely not an issue. I'm seriously worried about your mental health so I've reported you to HR'

islockdownoveryet · 09/10/2020 18:24

(has it ever occurred to anyone that the dc in Enid Blyton where definitely neglected & their diet!)
Eh ! How did we get onto Enid Blyton ?

justasking111 · 09/10/2020 18:25

As a child myself and with my children, we all need a day curled up on the sofa when poorly. We call it a duvet day here. I remember mine with great fondness.

Elsewyre · 09/10/2020 18:26

Actually I could 100% picture a sw coming to your house over this just to have one appointment, a cup of tea and a chat away from the soul crushing horror of thier other cases.

"Oh no you've nothing to worry about but I just want to steel my nerves before we go to the report of them using thier child as an ashtray"

Hufflepuff21 · 09/10/2020 18:26

She sounds deranged. I agree with pps that you should report this to HR or line manager. Utterly unacceptable on her part. FWIW, I'm a teacher and I work with social services in my role. Many of my SW colleagues have also been WFH with small children and we've all coped just like you have.

Hopoindown31 · 09/10/2020 18:26

Just because someone genuinely believes that she is doing the right thing doesn't make it reasonable behaviour. Please do raise this with your manager, who at least should be ensuring this woman is spoken to about this incident to reinforce to her that her actions were not reasonable, potentially have wasted the time of social services and caused her colleague significant unneccesary stress and that if she has any further concerns she should first raise them with her manager.

We are all having to do things that are not normal at the moment and this kind of overreaction is massively unhelpful.

Zilla1 · 09/10/2020 18:27

If you DC was safe, fed, not abused then like millions of children, they'll probably view a day of screen time interposed with popping into the next room to see you as a holiday.

Your colleague has shown their true (vile, stupid or vile and stupid), nature to all their colleagues who find out about this. I wouldn't forget this or treat them the same. All the 'no choice' and 'didn't sleep' is purely for her own benefit.

Good luck.

TableFlowerss · 09/10/2020 18:27

They’ll think exactly the same as the staff that work in A&E when someone goes in with a spot! They’ll roll their eyes and thunk WTAF?! Utter time waster and pathetic

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 09/10/2020 18:28

I work with children's social workers. Loads of them are juggling what with children, and have been for months

OP, I promise her call would have resulted in eyes rolling so hard they nearly fell out of their sockets. Don't worry. They might call to follow up, but just to tick boxes and close it down.

Lindy2 · 09/10/2020 18:28

Your son sounds perfectly well cared for and you did what was best for you and him in difficult circumstances.

There's probably hardly a parent left in the country that hasn't resorted to too much TV or screen time at some point to get through the current situation we are in. My children certainly had much more time on their tablets and too many late nights during lockdown. However, they were safe, content and loved and we got through it as best we could.

Social services won't be interested. I do think your coworker needs to have it explained to her that she seriously overstepped the mark here and is way off track in her assumptions. I expect your other colleagues will be shocked to hear what she has done.

BuddyRun · 09/10/2020 18:28
  1. Social services will not care in the slightest. If they do make contact just try to be friendly. A lot of the time they'll take you being rude as if you have something to hide so just explain the situation.
  2. Report your colleague to your line manager. Insist she's not allowed to be on any further calls to the homes of anyone where there will be children present because she's dangerous.
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/10/2020 18:29

Jesus Christ I just had a conversation with the school support teacher who said she will never get over how guilty she felt encouraging other parents to interact with their children over school work in the pandemic (we're talking kids who had no support at home therefore didn't access any work at all) while her two kids watched telly all day. This is pandemic life. It's not brilliant - as you say OP - but it's good enough for the circs we find ourselves in.

I'd actually report to HR and get them to do a head-tilty welfare check on her, because that is actually unhinged. SS may phone you - it depends on how busy they are /threshold for concern in your area but just be honest and open with them, it's honestly nothing to worry about.

Hopoindown31 · 09/10/2020 18:30

I should add that if her concern was genuinely the pressure that you are under to continue working whilst your child is at home, there are a million and one things that a reasonable person would have done before contacting social services such as speaking to the OP, speaking to line management or HR.

As such, I'm personally a bit skeptical that this is just misplaced care. I believe her conversation with you may have been for the purpose of creating the impression that this was the case.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/10/2020 18:30

This was hundreds of thousands, possibly millions, or parents for weeks this year.

I wouldn't want to work with her either. Social services will add this to a long list of frankly barmy malicious reports they have to deal with and close it as quickly as they can.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/10/2020 18:31

Actually, @BuddyRun's angle is good. She's massively invaded your privacy. I think you could insist on never having your video on when she's calling you again which would lead to issues - definitely talk to your boss or HR about her.

madcatladyforever · 09/10/2020 18:32

What a crazy bitch.

SevenOfNineTails · 09/10/2020 18:32

'Dear colleague, I couldn't sleep for worrying about how bizarrely invested you are in my life and what is completely not an issue. I'm seriously worried about your mental health so I've reported you to HR'

This. With bells on 👏🏻

Glitteryone · 09/10/2020 18:33

Half of the UKs parents are working at home with kids around. What a fruit loop!