Reported to social services by coworker

[UnsocialServiced]

My frankly bonkers coworker has reported me to SS because she is concerned about my 3 old. I was wfh last week because my DS had a slight temperature. Whilst he was home and I was working he had a day of watching films. (3 films in one day). I'm not saying it was great parenting but I was in the next room could hear him at all times. He also kept coming into chat with me and play in between working etc. Anyway Coworker told me today that she was concerned about DS being ignored and felt she had no choice but to pass her concerns on. What will happen now?

Don't pick and choose parts of my message and ignore the rest

I read the entirety of the post. I only put excerpts into my post that I wanted to specifically respond to.

How dare she do this to you and waste social services time. If someone did this to me especially during this pandemic when everything is twice as hard I'd report her to my HR department and line manager. I'd also give her a huge piece of my mind. How dare she. You poor thing, I hope it all works out OK and she gets lost x

As someone who works in that field, I would be surprised if you even got a phone call!

As a PP said, social workers are probably working from home and doing something similar!

Honestly in comparison to level of referrals that are currently hitting services, this is nothing!

Infact just to add to my previous reply - my friend is a social worker and like the rest of us she has been bribing her kids with tv, technology and snacks to be quiet while she works from home.

Honestly OP, this claim will not be took seriously at all!

I’d watch out for your co worker though - steer clear!

Jesus, there were some days during lockdown when my kids spent hours in front of the Telly - and it wasn’t because I had to work!

While it may feel a dit dramatic to report your colleague’s actions this needs to be on record in case it’s the thin end of the wedge. What crap is she going to come up with next? Maybe not even with you but with someone else. She needs to be put in her place.

I'm sorry, there's only one answer to this. Laxatives.

In every cup of tea she drinks from now until she leaves. What a fucking lunatic.

I would really raise this with your line manager or HR as this could have had an impact on your work.Like previous PPs have said no social worker during Covid is going to follow this up unless you missed out the bit where you've drugged them on calpol to make them sleepy, not fed them and settled them in to catch up on The Walking Dead now the new season's started.

OP, you didn't say he also had toys and books in your OP, so I wasn't picking and choosing parts. You just said he watched 3 films in a day, that you were checking on him and he could come to you if you wanted.

I know most people read into my original reply thinking that I was basically saying you're a bad mother. I was not. I said you were pretty neglectful in the sense of not giving him proper attention (how could you be working from another room?) It takes just a second for disaster to strike. There's also the fact that there are wide variations of what being in another room could mean - was there just a door separating the room? Do you have to go into a hallway to get to the room? Is the room across the hall? Your colleague can't tell just how close or not you were to your DS, so probably got in a flap with worry.
In any case, I'm sure all mums have been a little neglectful (including me) at times because we are put in challenging situations or exhausted or both!

Did your actions warrant a call from SS? Definitely not from what I've read. And I'm sure they won't take things much further, if at all. I won't be returning to thread as some pp like to pick a fight/insult, rather than discuss things.

I'm sure things will be fine. Try not to worry💐

As a social worker I really wouldn't worry about this at all. There are no guidelines about one off sick days and the number of films that can watched.

Obviously your co worker is an interesting character.

My job for a local authority involves taking child welfare calls from concerned members of the public. We do get random people idiots wasting our time making these type of calls We have to listen carefully to these calls in case there is a genuine cause for concern buried somewhere in the nonsense. We would take the details down pass them on to a duty worker who’s eyes would be rolling so hard they might even fall out of their head, they would phone the complainer back to double check there are no real concerns being raised and thank the person for calling ( we really want to encourage calls with real concerns) say that they won’t hear back for confidential reasons If anything comes of their report and nothing further would happen if the family were not already known to SW.
Leaving your child safely watching TV is not a cause for concern, if your colleague knew the type of genuinely concerning reports we did receive they wouldn’t be wasting the time of the hard pressed SW services.

Nasty woman, does she have form for interfering and acting like a beaky old crow. I can't stand nitwit troublemakers,

Oh my goodness she sounds absolutely crazy. Half the country is stuck working at home and all you can do is your best with the kids. Your coworker sounds like a privileged idiot.

Your co-worker was totally out for order, Unsocial. You did the best you could in the circumstances and your son was not neglected. He will be none the worse for a day watching films.

I'm appalled that anyone would report a colleague for something so trivial. What a grass!

Social services will not take her complaint seriously but I would seriously consider reporting her for being a busybody.

In future, tell nobody what you've done at home.

@FTMF30

Ffs, like I said, I'm not blaming the OP,. The situation is what it is, some parents have been fucked over. It doesn't negate the fact OP left her 3yo in another room to just watch films. We do people no favours in life by stroking their ego and telling them they did nothing wrongall the time. By OPs admission, it wasn't great parenting. The person who called has no kids so has no idea about how difficult it can be. All I was trying to say that perhaps the person wasn't being malicious in reporting, but rather is clueless about how hard things are at the moment.

Don't pick and choose parts of my message and ignore the rest.

You sound pretty bloody blamey to me. As others have asked, what else should she have done?

OP don’t worry, the social services staff will be pissing themselves at the nutter reporting the mum for letting her preschooler watch telly. Do speak to your manager though as this is harassment.

This used to be considered completely normal when I was bringing my kids up. Probably more playing with their toys than watching TV because there was very little kids TV but there was absolutely no need to be doing things with them all day long.
And like PP has mentioned, I had to do the dozing on the settee thing while they cuddled up watching their videos whenever I was ill. No harm done.

Wow. I would be fuming. And making a complaint to HR. That's malicious abs verging on bullying behaviour. How awful for you.

As others have said Social services have better things to worry about.

Wow she's a total bitch. Is she trying to force you out of your job?

What does she think usually happens when a kid is ill? They watch lots of movies and doze. They don't lie in bed with their mother singing songs, cutting up apples and mopping their brow at their bedside.

She sounds unhinged and malicious with it. Report it to HR. Social Services will not take any action. Its nuts.

@LadyIronDragon

I can understand you must be angry and worried. I'd be utterly furious about that. So sorry that has happened to you. If it's any consolation that sounds completely normal for a toddler under the weather and you WFH. Like you say, not exactly ideal but hardly long term neglect.

Firstly with SS, let them do their thing (if they decide to go that far!) Possibly a phone call from someone to see how you're coping will be as much as they need. Best thing you can do is be calm and cooperative and let them make their assessment.

Secondly I would speak to someone senior at your work and let them know that this has happened and make a record of it in writing. It's not normal behaviour to do that to a colleague (and tell you about?!) and I'd want to be sure there was a record in case it forms a pattern of behaviour. It's possible she behaves maliciously to others and it will take someone more senior to put it all together.

That's what I'd be doing anyway.

This !

And maybe ask her if she would like to volunteer with some really neglected children or for Childline.

What a stupid bitch!!

I would be tempted to speak to HR about this as it does involve work. They should be aware that staff working from home while kids are at home (as they were for months during lockdown!) may be creating issues for staff with SS. I'm sure they wouldn't be impressed to hear that a member of their own staff was the one reporting!

I don't even understand how this is even neglectful when not WFH. The poor boy is poorly. All he wants to do is curl up and know his mum is there and available for anything he needs.

My house is kind of open plan, even during normal times my kids have full access to their play room with their tv on cbeebies. In bad weather and now they have a small baby brother they spend the majority of the day in there. Paired with meal times and a nice bedtime routine that begins about 1.5 hours before they go to bed. How is letting DC potter about choosing what they do for the mid morning to mid afternoon hours of the day ever neglectful in any way? It makes me so cross. Kids need to be able to play freely and not constantly puppeted into activities by the parent. Learning by doing is so important.

Well, SS are not able to do anything when I report actual physical abuse that no one contests happened and happens on an ongoing basis. They won't call you about this OP.

@FTMF30, sorry but you are the sort of deluded individual who makes reports like this and ties up resources needed for cases of neglect.

There is nothing like neglect in the OPs post. Her child was fed, warm, loved, clean and had their health needs addressesd all day. Where is the neglect there? I hope you have just had a sheltered life so far.

I'm a social worker and we've been working from home with our kids all the way through covid. If this is the only thing she's reported you for then I really wouldn't worry. Pretty much every social worker is in the same position. We'll all have to call social services on ourselves. Seriously though it sounds fine, your child is in the next room, he's been coming in to you, you've been going in to him, don't worry about it, it's how we have to work at the moment.

Dear colleague, I couldn't sleep for worrying about how bizarrely invested you are in my life and what is completely not an issue. I'm seriously worried about your mental health so I've reported you to HR'

Perfect. And I’d do it....

WTAF - poor you - I would be horrified and utterly furious. Definitely speak to HR. I would also make proactive contact with SS just to square that off and put it to rest.

I have a 3 year old and a 7 month old. The 3 year old played outside, went for a daily walk, did crafts, games, baking etc etc throughout lockdown. But she also had days when we would watch 5/6 hours of TV (some of it on her own) interspersed with these other things. She is in no way neglected and is utterly loved. But to survive with a newborn it had to be done. I am sure there are 1000s of parents who have had these sorts of days over the last few months (and 100s more who regularly have a high volumes of TV). Do what you need to abs think no more of it x