Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another mum cuddling child in playground

130 replies

ClaireP20 · 09/10/2020 10:07

Hello, I have a 12 month old baby, and when I go to pick up my 2 older children from school, one of the mums is picking my baby up and cuddling her. It started last month, she came up and picked up the baby, saying how gorgeous she was. It was so quick (she wasnt strapped in, my fault) that I was gobsmacked, but smiled and then said I had to go etc. We are all supposed to social distance in the playground, so I was really surprised but polite. Anyway, from then on I have strapped baby in and kept my distance. However yesterday she ran over to me outside the gates and, as I was setting up the buggy ride on for my 4 year old to get on, she unstrapped my baby and cuddled her again. This time she had taken her mask off. I just watched, like the idiot that I am, and eventually took baby back. She really didn't want to let my baby go though! I didn't want to hurt her feelings because I know she means well, but I don't know her well enough for her to cuddle my baby, especially during a global pandemic. My sister said I should say something next time, but I am the one who has to do the school run everyday! Was I right to let it go? How can I avoid it next time? Xxx

OP posts:
ChameleonCircuit · 09/10/2020 10:10

Please keep back, we are in the middle of a pandemic!

Job done. If she gets the hump, it’s not your problem. Even disregarding Covid, she shouldn’t be picking up/kissing your baby without permission.

PaulinePetrovaPosey · 09/10/2020 10:10

Just say 'do you mind keeping your distance?', nice and politely with a smile.

Honestly, this is a non-issue.

BuddyRun · 09/10/2020 10:10

Your post sounds like this other mum is a stranger to you - is this correct? I'm baffled how you would let a complete stranger pick your baby up (pandemic or no pandemic). In your situation, I'd tell a white lie to keep the peace but stop her doing it. Something like "oh, don't pick her up, she hurt her back yesterday and we need to be very careful".

Ohalrightthen · 09/10/2020 10:11

Backbone! It is YOUR JOB to advocate for your kids.

OwlBeThere · 09/10/2020 10:12

You have the perfect excuse in Covid. Next time she goes for it say ‘oh I’m really sorry but my husband/partner was really mad when someone cuddled her last week so we decided not to allow that now, Covid, you understand’.

Bbub · 09/10/2020 10:12

I'd just say (with a smile) "ooh sorry we are trying to distance at the moment" and out your arm across your baby, she won't like it and will probably be offended but that's not your problem.

It's an awkward one and I'd be the same as you the first few times as well because it's so unexpected, but you've got to bite the bullet here.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/10/2020 10:12

I just watched, like the idiot that I am, and eventually took baby back.

You need to channel your inner warrior. That's your BABY she grabbed without permission FGS. Hard no.

user19990 · 09/10/2020 10:14

I would say "oh don't touch her she has impetigo and it's really contagious"

Mrsjayy · 09/10/2020 10:16

Strap your baby in and tell her to just leave the baby . Why are you not clipping the baby in the buggy Hmm

Babyboomtastic · 09/10/2020 10:20

Either say something, or if you really feel too awkward (which you shouldn't, but I do understand) then have her in a sling in you for a bit instead.

ProudAuntie76 · 09/10/2020 10:24

FFS!!!

Don’t put a stranger’s feelings before the safety and health of your baby!!!

I’m honestly baffled as to why you would allow this to happen. You have a voice. Use it.

“ERM, excuse me! Please don’t pick my child up. There’s a pandemic and we are supposed to be social distancing.”

Emmacb82 · 09/10/2020 10:34

What would you have done if she unclipped the baby and then did a runner?! Unlikely, but it could happen. I think you need to be polite but firm. She should not be getting close enough to unclip the baby and to me, that is really odd behaviour which would make me question her mental state. I would never dream of picking up somebody else’s baby without permission, let alone unclipping them. And the fact that she’s removing her face mask too. I’m not really sure how you didn’t say anything.

Original poster
ClaireP20 · 09/10/2020 10:37

I know, I am so angry with myself for not saying 'oh no, don't pick her up please'. I have always been a wimp and I hate myself for it. You are all absolutely right, I need to toughen up a bit. I only know her to say hello to, nothing deeper than than. Thank you ladies, you have made me feel stronger x

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/10/2020 10:38

You're not a wimp. You're just in training. It takes practice.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2020 10:38

I agree with Emmac. This is odd and concerning behaviour. You need to lay down boundaries now. This woman seems innocuous right now. But what if she isn’t or if someone else, who isn’t does the same?

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2020 10:40

Cross post. Don’t hate yourself. Learn from the experience. Practice saying stop / no or whatever you want to say in front of the mirror or wherever else you feel most comfortable. Then you’ll be prepared nexf time.

Original poster
ClaireP20 · 09/10/2020 10:41

Ps I will update you after the school run today! I am going to deliberately get there early so I can be strong and ask her to keep a distance when she comes over x

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 09/10/2020 10:42

When you see her heading for you turn the pram away or even walk away it doesn't matter if she is offended or whatever.

Ohdeariedear · 09/10/2020 10:44

And also, you don’t need to say please to her. You’re not asking, you’re telling. Just say ‘no picking up the baby anymore’ if she tries to again. You could add the Mumsnet patented tinkly laugh if you want to soften it a bit I guess.

This would be bad behaviour In normal times but in a global pandemic it’s downright dangerous. Plus, rude!

Mrsjayy · 09/10/2020 10:46

I would never dream of lifting up somebody else's baby who does that, it's bonkers!

jessstan1 · 09/10/2020 10:49

@Mrsjayy

I would never dream of lifting up somebody else's baby who does that, it's bonkers!
Absolutely. It's weird.
Cocklepops · 09/10/2020 10:50

Jesus Christ. Every now and then on here I see a post that leaves me baffled and this is one. You’ve essentially let a virtual stranger pick up your child on a couple of occasions, hug her, squeeze her, probably spray germy goblets of phlegm right in her face. You’ve allowed the virtual stranger to UNCLIP YOUR DAUGHTER FROM HER BUGGY in front of you and then say she didn’t want to give her back.

Grown a spine, OP. Sod the pandemic, this isn’t appropriate behaviour in any circumstance. You don’t need to use the pandemic as ‘an ideal excuse’ or say ‘sorry, the DH is being really careful’.

You just need to tell this woman her behaviour is unacceptable and to stop picking up your child. Sod thinking about possible awkwardness in the school playground if you say something - if you don’t confront it now, she will keep doing this throughout the school year.

Nolie100 · 09/10/2020 10:55

There's actually stickers saying "Please do not touch" for prams

www.amazon.co.uk/Safety-Touching-Newborn-Preemie-Stroller/dp/B07M9QL5ZT?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Percypiglets · 09/10/2020 10:58

Bloody hell woman! Just yell "stop! What do you think you're doing! " you're need to protect yourself and to stand and watch that's not protecting.

Percypiglets · 09/10/2020 10:59

Sorry protect yourself and your baby... Bloody hell...

Swipe left for the next trending thread