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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another mum cuddling child in playground

130 replies

ClaireP20 · 09/10/2020 10:07

Hello, I have a 12 month old baby, and when I go to pick up my 2 older children from school, one of the mums is picking my baby up and cuddling her. It started last month, she came up and picked up the baby, saying how gorgeous she was. It was so quick (she wasnt strapped in, my fault) that I was gobsmacked, but smiled and then said I had to go etc. We are all supposed to social distance in the playground, so I was really surprised but polite. Anyway, from then on I have strapped baby in and kept my distance. However yesterday she ran over to me outside the gates and, as I was setting up the buggy ride on for my 4 year old to get on, she unstrapped my baby and cuddled her again. This time she had taken her mask off. I just watched, like the idiot that I am, and eventually took baby back. She really didn't want to let my baby go though! I didn't want to hurt her feelings because I know she means well, but I don't know her well enough for her to cuddle my baby, especially during a global pandemic. My sister said I should say something next time, but I am the one who has to do the school run everyday! Was I right to let it go? How can I avoid it next time? Xxx

OP posts:
honigbutter · 09/10/2020 11:02

oh don't touch her she has impetigo and it's really contagious

I wouldn't say anything like that. I would tell her very firmly to leave your baby alone.

AriesTheRam · 09/10/2020 11:05

Get the fuck off my child should do it Grin what a strange woman ( not you op)

Brighterthansunflowers · 09/10/2020 11:06

She’s crazy but so are you for allowing it!

HoppingPavlova · 09/10/2020 11:08

Also baffled and don’t understand the Covid based excuses.

I get the first occurrence where it happened quickly and you were attending your other child. Don’t get the second occurrence where she had to stand there, physically unbuckle the baby and pick her up.

You don’t need to apologise as there is nothing to apologise for. Just say, ‘no, don’t do that please, I don’t allow strangers to touch or pick her up, thanks.’ Then follow on with a banal sentence about the weather or class activities.

PeppaPrick · 09/10/2020 11:08

Pandemic or not it is unacceptable to just randomly walk up to someone you barely know, unclip their baby from its buggy and manhandle him/her. Who does that? Someone who has no boundaries, clearly and would be keeping my kids far away from them as I would be seeing their behaviour as quite threatening. Tell her to stop, don't make up some half arsed excuses, she needs to understand that what she is doing is wrong and not just because of the contamination risk.

Mittens030869 · 09/10/2020 11:10

Mrsjayy
I would never dream of lifting up somebody else's baby who does that, it's bonkers!

Absolutely. It's weird.

I quite agree. It certainly something I've never seen happen in all the years I've been doing the school run, even without taking into consideration the pandemic.

Beautiful3 · 09/10/2020 11:11

I'm the same as you. Please dont hate yourself. Just learn from it and assert yourself better. No need to be rude, just say, " Sorry, no more cuddles. Because of corona ".

GrumpyHoonMain · 09/10/2020 11:16

I would be yelling at her if it happens again.

LindaEllen · 09/10/2020 11:21

What kind of a woman picks up another woman's child at all without asking? Never mind in a sodding pandemic when you're meant to be distancing in a playground!

I saw a woman struggling with her child (she kept dropping things and couldn't hold her child and her things at the same time) yesterday, and I said to her would you like some help, I would normally just help automatically but with social distancing I always ask now. She said yes please - but I wouldn't even have touched their things to help them without asking first, never mind the child!

A simple 'Would you keep your distance please? We need to be 2m apart' is more than sufficient.

SqidgeBum · 09/10/2020 11:22

I have no problem with some of my friends holding my baby even in these times, but I hand them the baby. Forget pandemic, I would be gobsmacked if someone I barely know just picked up my kid in pre covid times. I would have taken them right back.

FGS, you are Mum. Take the kid back if you dont want them to be holding her.

corythatwas · 09/10/2020 11:29

I never had a problem with other people picking up my babies- as long as the babies didn't object. I have seen different cultures, the English way doesn't necessarily strike me as the only natural one.

But in the current circumstances I would not like it due to the pandemic and if I didn't like it in the first place I would use the pandemic as an excuse.

FortniteBoysMum · 09/10/2020 11:31

You tell her not to it's that simple. It's the only thing she will understand. You tried strapping your child in but this woman felt she had the authority to unstrap your child and remove them from their pram. Tell her not to else this will carry on.

BreatheAndFocus · 09/10/2020 11:34

She sounds very ‘off’. Who tf does that? And you describe her as seeing you and running across? Bloody weird and very concerning.

Do you have a raincover for your buggy? They’re useful to keep prying hands away and give you extra time to intervene. I used to do this when I went in a local shop where random women would touch and pinch my baby 😡

I think you need to say something. Maybe as soon as she approaches you? “”Excuse me - can you not touch my baby, please?” Couple that with a hard stare. She’s obviously picked your baby out and will be coming across again. The straps didn’t deter her so in her head she probably thinks it’s fine to pick her up now.

I’d be keeping well away from her in future too. There’s something not right about her behaviour.

Itisbetter · 09/10/2020 11:45

I’m awful at confrontational situations. You can do this OP Brew

oakleaffy · 09/10/2020 11:45

@ClaireP20
This is sheer insanity.
Who on earth lets a stranger even touch their baby, much less pick it up and cuddle him or her..

What would you do if she dashed off and got into a car with her?..

It is very invasive and disrespectful behaviour on the part of the ''picker -upper'' too.

''Please do not touch my baby'' is all that is needed...But sounds you aren't keeping your baby ''safe'' if strangers are doing this.

DueNumberTwo · 09/10/2020 11:47

That's weird even without corona virus.

Doliv63 · 09/10/2020 11:49

Just make sure she is strapped in buggy.

Dramalady52 · 09/10/2020 11:49

Everyone piling on OP for not intervening, I think sometimes in these situations we can be so taken aback that our brain just freezes in shock that someone has the audacity to behave in this way and reaction takes a minute to set in. However, not she knows the danger signs she can take action before it gets that far.

romeolovedjulliet · 09/10/2020 11:50

i don't understand pps, stop being so nice and compliant all of you making excuses ? ffs! why on earth you need to give a reason why she cannot pick up YOUR baby. i'd be firm 'please leave my child alone' then if she was funny about it [not haha] i'd probably create a huge fuss.

Audreyseyebrows · 09/10/2020 11:53

Cough lots when she comes near.

Bambooshoot · 09/10/2020 11:56

This has to be a joke, right? Not good at confrontation so you let someone take your child away? No, sorry, don't believe it for a second. If someone I didn't know had tried to take my one year old out of their pram I would have shouted/physically stopped them (ok, smacked them anywhere it would hurt while screaming like a banshee) before they had got them lifted out of the pram. And that goes for anyone trying to take my now 5 year old by the hand too (even though they would probably give him back anyway!!).

Itisbetter · 09/10/2020 11:56

I think use it as practice. You will get better at it.

terriblyangryattimes · 09/10/2020 12:03

Get a SnoozeShade for your buggy, it zips up the front so she can't actually reach your baby and you can say she is napping! And be firm and say no!

romeolovedjulliet · 09/10/2020 12:09

is this woman meeting a child from school though or does she tag along with someone else ?

Suckmuckduck · 09/10/2020 12:13

Don’t feel bad OP, her behaviour blindsided you because it was so strange. Good luck for this afternoon 💪