Another mum cuddling child in playground

[ClaireP20]

Hello, I have a 12 month old baby, and when I go to pick up my 2 older children from school, one of the mums is picking my baby up and cuddling her. It started last month, she came up and picked up the baby, saying how gorgeous she was. It was so quick (she wasnt strapped in, my fault) that I was gobsmacked, but smiled and then said I had to go etc. We are all supposed to social distance in the playground, so I was really surprised but polite. Anyway, from then on I have strapped baby in and kept my distance. However yesterday she ran over to me outside the gates and, as I was setting up the buggy ride on for my 4 year old to get on, she unstrapped my baby and cuddled her again. This time she had taken her mask off. I just watched, like the idiot that I am, and eventually took baby back. She really didn't want to let my baby go though! I didn't want to hurt her feelings because I know she means well, but I don't know her well enough for her to cuddle my baby, especially during a global pandemic. My sister said I should say something next time, but I am the one who has to do the school run everyday! Was I right to let it go? How can I avoid it next time? Xxx

Thank you all, I think as I am recently a single mum my confidence has gone, but I feel like a warrior now after reading your messages! I won't let it happen again! Ps yes the woman has twins in the year above my oldest, so that's why she is at the school.

Is this mum a really close friend? If not, it’s weird that she just picks up your baby without asking. Even without social distancing rules. Tbh even if she is close to you, she should still ask to hold her. You need to just tell her straight - you don’t want people picking up your baby without asking.

I feel sometimes when a woman knows their own confidence is down, they (you?!) can get caught up in a sort of ‘I need to say something confrontational’ frame of mind. Which can be paralysing.

There’s always the option to avoid all that. Just move your body between the baby and the ‘intruder’. Babies are good that way, always needing something only ‘mum’ can intuit. Comforting cuddle, dummy replaced, readjusting the blanket/pram shade, etc. Put your arm, hand, body between you and anyone else. Chat casually about the weather while you do it.

Add words (lots of good suggestions here) if you must, but feel free to start with casual/pointed body blocking in various degrees.

You’ll get better at this, we all need practice. Eventually your skills and confidence will grow, and you’ll be able to develop boundaries earlier and police them with limited effort or stress.

My philosophy is: if at all possible, start as you mean to continue. Recognise everything sets a precedent, so be careful what you allow under the radar. It’s generally so much less faff to be a teeny bit strong early, than fight to undo other people’s habits that you hate.

Thank you x wonderful advice xx

It doesn't matter if she takes offence as you are not friends.
You only need 2 words.
NO- COVID
But I know it's not easy! Brain freeze and innate politeness can scupper the best of us!
Good luck for later.

Could you wear baby in a sling/carrier?

Sounds very odd; even not during a pandemic

I would use a sling - even if only for the few minutes around pick up - I realise it's the cowardly way out but I would find it easier. But I still use one all the time with my 1 year old anyway

Put a padlock through the buggy straps. See how she likes them apples.

Stop thinking of excuses to be polite, would you let a random man take your child out her pram?
No explanation, just a firm No, do not touch the baby! at the same time moving away from this weirdo.

Good luck OP. I also experienced this recently and was just stunned that a random stranger in the street just scooped my child up to cuddle! I just froze thinking what the hell were they doing so you have my sympathy! Stay strong and let us know how the school run goes

I think you just need to say "no, I think best if she stays in the buggy". No explanation needed. If you don't want to say anything, just move the buggy around as she's approaching. She sounds very odd.

You've already realised I'm sure but you do need to ensure baby is always strapped in anyway.

Get your fuckin hands off my baby, should do it.
A baby snatcher has no problems with you, you hand them over practically.

Freeze is a trauma/shock reflex so i understand why you didn't speak up before

However her behavior bus absolutely bizzare and out of order under any circumstances and so have a plan for next time it happens
Make it clear that you don't allow it and then if she tries a fourth time I wouldnt write off police involvment tbh

Ahhh I don’t know. Tricky one. Why is the lady unstrapping your baby and just picking the baby up it’s all a bit much!

I can see how you would be shocked! It’s not even the distance it’s that she sounds over friendly..

Yeah, I agree with pps. Without Covid this would be weird but currently you have the perfect excuse to say no without feeling self conscious about it.

A sharp 'What do you think you're doing?' should suffice

She sounds like she thinks your friends and is being a bit over familiar.

No excuses needed, no explanations don’t even say I don’t think baby wants to be out. Just - please don’t touch my baby. If she comes near you when baby is in a sling, just say please dont come near, we are social distancing. As she should be.

Op you are totally right

Rooting for you today OP. You are in the right here - her behaviour is not acceptable. It’s totally ok to make her stop.

Maybe have a word about this woman who has forgotten Covid' and personal privacy, with the nursery\school secretary, it's almost assault. I know in some cultures it's normal for strangers to cuddle strange babies (in Italy for example). But hang on to yours for goodness sake .

@Girlzroolz

I feel sometimes when a woman knows their own confidence is down, they (you?!) can get caught up in a sort of ‘I need to say something confrontational’ frame of mind. Which can be paralysing.

There’s always the option to avoid all that. Just move your body between the baby and the ‘intruder’. Babies are good that way, always needing something only ‘mum’ can intuit. Comforting cuddle, dummy replaced, readjusting the blanket/pram shade, etc. Put your arm, hand, body between you and anyone else. Chat casually about the weather while you do it.

Add words (lots of good suggestions here) if you must, but feel free to start with casual/pointed body blocking in various degrees.

You’ll get better at this, we all need practice. Eventually your skills and confidence will grow, and you’ll be able to develop boundaries earlier and police them with limited effort or stress.

My philosophy is: if at all possible, start as you mean to continue. Recognise everything sets a precedent, so be careful what you allow under the radar. It’s generally so much less faff to be a teeny bit strong early, than fight to undo other people’s habits that you hate.

This is brilliant advice! I’m going t o digest this over the weekend! “The I must say some thing “ anxiety. X

What an unbelievably rude thing for this woman to do.

Nothing to do with the pandemic, just really rude.

Hope today goes well.

This would be really odd behaviour even in non-Covid times. I don't think I've ever cuddled a baby (except my own, obviously) without asking the mum first or because the mum has asked me to hold them.

You really, really, really need to not be so meek. That is not cool.