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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another mum cuddling child in playground

130 replies

ClaireP20 · 09/10/2020 10:07

Hello, I have a 12 month old baby, and when I go to pick up my 2 older children from school, one of the mums is picking my baby up and cuddling her. It started last month, she came up and picked up the baby, saying how gorgeous she was. It was so quick (she wasnt strapped in, my fault) that I was gobsmacked, but smiled and then said I had to go etc. We are all supposed to social distance in the playground, so I was really surprised but polite. Anyway, from then on I have strapped baby in and kept my distance. However yesterday she ran over to me outside the gates and, as I was setting up the buggy ride on for my 4 year old to get on, she unstrapped my baby and cuddled her again. This time she had taken her mask off. I just watched, like the idiot that I am, and eventually took baby back. She really didn't want to let my baby go though! I didn't want to hurt her feelings because I know she means well, but I don't know her well enough for her to cuddle my baby, especially during a global pandemic. My sister said I should say something next time, but I am the one who has to do the school run everyday! Was I right to let it go? How can I avoid it next time? Xxx

OP posts:

ppeatfruit · 09/10/2020 14:58

ClaireP20 My advice would be don't think about it at the time (practice\rehearse beforehand) But at the time, don't think about it just say EXACTLY what the other ops have said and say it loudly. So others can hear if you need support.

"DO NOT TOUCH MY BABY'

1forAll74 · 09/10/2020 14:58

This is your baby, and your rules, so never be afraid to speak up about things as such. This woman should not be picking up your baby at all, Covid or not.. She is in the wrong, and needs to be advised about certain things,

ktp100 · 09/10/2020 15:23

Good luck, OP!

Cocklepops · 09/10/2020 15:42

@ClaireP20 how are you? How did pick up time go?

Original poster

ClaireP20 · 09/10/2020 15:52

Hi all x just back from the school pick up...I got there early because I knew I would bump into her then (she's always one of the first at the gates). I had the raincover on as it's slightly spitting here, and she came over amd tried to lift the rain cover to 'let me have a peek'. And I said 'no, she's staying in her pram, and I tucked the raincover firmly under. I said it with a smile (couldn't help it, I'm a smiler) buy I was firm. I know I have to go through this again next week because she'll assume I said 'no' because of the weather, but I feel so much better already! Xxx thank you ladies for giving me the kick up the bum I needed xxxx

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 09/10/2020 15:54

👏 Clare, good for you hopefully the more you put her off she will take the hint.(eventually)

ArabellaScott · 09/10/2020 15:56

OP, if it makes you feel better, with my first child this happened to me a couple of times. One time, in a cafe, some mad woman server took my child out of the pram and fucked off into the back of the kitchen with him! She did it so fast I hardly had a chance to say anything, but followed her into the kitchen, where she was 'showing off' my baby to the staff, turned and looked at me aghast saying 'you're not allowed in the kitchen!' Fucking lunatic. I was so angry, just went and took my baby back out of her arms.

Honestly, it's a very, very odd thing to do and it's really not something most sane people would do to strangers. I love babies, I love cooing at them, not in a million years would I pick one up without it being offered.

ArabellaScott · 09/10/2020 15:56

Oh, x posted. Well done, OP! She'll get the message eventually. Really sounds like she's very unaware of boundaries.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/10/2020 16:03

Well done Claire. Keep up the good work.
What she was doing is a flippin cheek, even in normal times.
Your baby is not a toy.
It sometimes helps to think what's the worst that could happen if I say No very firmly to this woman?
What can she do - Take offence? Job done.
Saying no to people like that is often hard, because its so public but its not rude to say no to someone and even if it was she is the one being rude to you!
Even if she runs about saying Claire doesn't like me picking up her baby, most people will think why would you do that in a pandemic. I can guarantee that if she invades your boundaries in this respect,

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/10/2020 16:04

.. sorry sent too soon, should have said, she will encroach in other areas before you know it.

CycleWoman · 09/10/2020 16:04

Well done OP.

I can totally relate to this feeling of being too shocked to say something.

I was seeing to my older kid the other day and turned around to find some woman with her head in my pram coping at my new born ‘oh what a lovely baby’. In my head I was screaming ‘what the hell are you doing’ but I was just standing there with my jaw on the floor!

LittleTiger007 · 09/10/2020 16:06

Be firm, you don’t have to be aggressive about it. Smile and yet be unbending.
If you are a complete push over with no boundaries then so will your child be - they will learn from you. This is a serious issues when it comes to children and predators. Paedophiles seek out vulnerable children with parents who aren’t looking out for them. They can spot them a mile off. I’m in education and I know this for a fact, so please stay alert and strong when it comes to boundaries for your kids and make sure your kids enforce the boundaries too as they grow.

LittleTiger007 · 09/10/2020 16:06

... I should add I can totally relate to you being too shocked to say anything. But don’t let it happen a second time. Stay safe

LittleTiger007 · 09/10/2020 16:09

I just read the school pick up update. Bravo @ClaireP20!

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/10/2020 16:13

Yay.

Baby steps.

Ohdeariedear · 09/10/2020 16:13

Well done! And next week you can just say again ‘no, she’s staying in her pram’ - the broken record technique. Brilliant!

choosername1234 · 09/10/2020 16:15

Good for you. Nothing wrong for saying "no" but still smiling, being firm but polite. As you said in a previous post, you have to see this woman at the school gates so no need to make an enemy. Sounds like you handled it really well

gospelsinger · 09/10/2020 16:24

Well done OP.

tobedtoMNandfart · 09/10/2020 16:42

Well done. Despite everyone's good suggestions the first word out of your mouth on every occasion needs to be NO to stop her in her tracks. What an idiot!

sunflowerdaysinmay · 09/10/2020 16:42

Good for you OP! I struggled with saying no when my DS was first born. However, I soon found that being brave and standing firm was better for us both in the long run. It's still anxiety inducing but it gets easier😊

Starlightstarbright1 · 09/10/2020 16:43

Hinestly i became a different person when i had my dc..

Tnis isn't about me anymore this is about my child..

You did well today.. it will become second nature.. in normal circumstances you don't puck other babies up without permission never mind in a pandemic.. if you offend her nit a bad thing.

Sickofcovidnow · 09/10/2020 16:51

Well done!!! It must have been really hard OP.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/10/2020 16:56

I can't believe people are this cheeky! Who unstraps someone else's baby from their pram at any time, never mind during covid!

AdoreTheBeach · 09/10/2020 17:03

Well done OP. Good for you for finding your inner warrior.

Itisbetter · 09/10/2020 17:12

Brilliant women. Identified issue, sought support, completed mission!

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