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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate Obligatory Corporate Fun?

107 replies

GettingAntsy · 08/10/2020 11:29

I work in an office that's mostly people in their mid-20s to mid-30s (I am also in this category) for a company that really prides itself on having a great "culture".

At least once a month there's a "team night out" which usually involves going to a minigolf course or something like that and drinking the night away. These events aren't strictly obligatory, but it's very much expected that everyone goes, and it's a small company so if someone refused to go their absence would be noticed. These events have started again since the lockdown became less severe.

AIBU to absolutely hate this? I do get on with my colleagues, but to be honest, most days come 5 o'clock I just want to go home, put my tracksuit bottoms on and have something to eat. If I want to spend my free time with my colleagues I will ask them myself, I don't need the HR person to organise it for me. I do resent the pressure to give up my "free" time, not to mention the cost of buying rounds of drinks etc. But all my colleagues seem to genuinely enjoy the nights out and I feel like there must be something wrong with me because I never enjoy them (probably because they're always boozy and I don't drink a lot) and always leave early.

Am I an absolute scrooge? I promise I do have friends and I do go out, I just don't want it to be organised by my employer! When did it become normal for colleagues to party together on a week night? What exactly does this contribute to the company? Please reassure me that I'm not a miserable old fart...

OP posts:
blubberball · 08/10/2020 11:33

No, I would hate this too. My work has a social club, and it is very much optional. For me personally, I see enough of my work colleagues at work and I have zero desire to spend my free time with them. Some people obviously enjoy it, but it should be optional and you shouldn't feel pressured. Can you be "busy" that night, and miss out that way?

Veryconfusednow · 08/10/2020 11:34

If you don’t want to go, just make up an excuse - what’s the worst that could happen? Perhaps you could miss every one in two.

Be grateful you have a job and nice colleagues.

neversayalways · 08/10/2020 11:38

You are totally, totally not being unreasonable.

I would hate that.

Forced jollity of 'fun' night at miniature golf. We are all so wacky and pissed! Isn't this a fun place to work!

You have my sympathy.

I am older, but jeez, where I live now the 'fun' school mums organise nights to get pissed, ' we are all so drunk we are going to die!' they announced when I forced myself to attend. I snuck out really early. Or I tried to. Unfortunately as I tried to sneak out through a side door the security lights came on and my exist was illuminated for all to see.

SicklyToaster · 08/10/2020 11:38

I hate it. I just refuse and avoid making excuses for it.
I have a policy of only going to these things if they take place during work hours or I think I would enjoy whatever the event is (very rare).
I don't think it's significantly affected me negatively but I do make an effort to seem approachable in the office to offset it.

jdoejnr1 · 08/10/2020 11:42

Don't want to go, don't go. My work brought this type of thing in and and I refused to go (first one was axe throwing). Got pulled into and office and was asked to explain my lack of enthusiasm. Explained that I'm paid to do a job not socialise and make friends and if they want me to go they can pay me overtime. Made life uncomfortable for a few months but slowly people got bored and stopped going anyway.

Funkypolar · 08/10/2020 11:43

I don’t do any of that stuff.

Beamur · 08/10/2020 11:46

Doesn't sound terribly sensible at the moment.

Lockdownseperation · 08/10/2020 11:47

Tell them you are giving up alcohol and don’t want to be tempted. Then they should leave you alone.

DynamoKev · 08/10/2020 11:49

YANBU fuck them and their "fun"

GoldStripes · 08/10/2020 11:50

I hate all this stuff, and agree with PP that it’s not sensible to organise large social events at the moment anyway.

I usually go to our Christmas do and that’s it. I really do like my colleagues, I just don’t want to spend even more time with them than I already do Grin my free time is MINE!

I’m currently looking for new jobs and I’m instantly put off by anywhere that lists ‘Team nights out/social events’ as a perk.

JayeAshe · 08/10/2020 11:52

In your place I would "invent" some worthy evening classes and/or voluntary commitments,

emmathedilemma · 08/10/2020 11:54

urgh sounds like my idea of hell too! Just because you work with people doesn't mean you should have to spend your social time with them too. Whenever I go to such events i spend most of it wishing I wasn't there! The lack of xmas party due to covid this year is the best thing ever!!

FraughtwithGin · 08/10/2020 11:55

Devil's advocate here (and been on the receiving end of corporate "fun" evenings), but I would have a word with HR about the drink-fixated nature of these events, along the lines of "I know several people have an alcohol problem" and "wouldn't it be better, after lockdown, if events like this were more nature/sport/activity-based?".
Alternatively ask HR to present a list of options and get people to vote on what they would like/enjoy. That might prove fairly eye-opening!

Florencex · 08/10/2020 11:56

I would have found that quite fun when I was mid 20s, particularly as I moved by myself to a new city at 25.

But if you don’t want to go, then don’t go. I have opted out of most work functions for many years now.

StealthPolarBear · 08/10/2020 12:00

Isn't there still the rule of six?
I loved this in my early twenties. Wouldn't do it now, in normal times we have rare and optional work nights out, I enjoy them when I do go but there's no pressure.

CrappleUmble · 08/10/2020 12:01

No, it sounds fucking terrible.

Original poster
GettingAntsy · 08/10/2020 12:01

The thing is all my colleagues genuinely do seem to enjoy it and look forward to it. Maybe everyone hates it and they're just better actors than me? I do find myself thinking "Don't you have friends of your own to spend time with?" Unfortunately I'm a terrible liar so don't think I could pull off "Oh I've just remembered I'm busy, what a shame."

@jdoejnr1 I wish I had your courage! I'm newish at the company so feel the need to "make a good impression" or whatever

@Lockdownseperation That is a brilliant idea...

OP posts:
Thepilotlightsgoneout · 08/10/2020 12:05

I think as it’s only once a month and you leave after one drink or whatever (and presuming they don’t give you a hard time about that), then yes you’re being a bit miserable. Sorry!

Mintjulia · 08/10/2020 12:06

We had a CEO who was keen on that sort of stuff. Travel into London, spend stupid money in a steak house, get bladdered, stumble home.

It's a very 1990s thing to do. People work long hours, and want to see their families or exercise or destress. Plus I can't imagine HR are keen on a 'get drunk/get covid' message.

yellowtaxis · 08/10/2020 12:06

Oh I used to HATE these. And the worst bit was when I used to work for a sales company but wasn't a sales person and I was lumped in with a team activity and all the sales people were super competitive and the team I got put in were visibly dismayed by having me on their team.
At the end of the activities when id failed to find my non existent competitive streak my team actually asked if I could sit aside so they could get on with actually competing instead of losing because of me.
Inside I wanted to cry. So much for a fun day out ! And my company was extremely pressuring with these days.

For my dh these days are hell as he doesn't drink. I had to drink just to get through them but he then gets the oh you're so boring comments. He's tee total through choice in lifestyle so he can't even fall back on something 'acceptable' to them like religious reasons. Luckily for him they've recently employed a Muslim guy and he now seems to happily go along as he has someone sober to chat to.
I was forever grateful though that our corporate do's didn't extend to a weekend away abroad like my sisters do. She panics weeks before about them. Coronavirus has put a stop to this luckily.
YANBU!

nevermorelenore · 08/10/2020 12:09

My industry is terrible for this. In my experience, the companies who bang on about their culture and do the free beer fridays and taco Tuesdays are the ones that offer shit pay, terrible benefits and expect you to work insane hours.

MidnightBlue28 · 08/10/2020 12:09

I would rather have my spleen removed with a blunt hacksaw blade... and that’s no reflection on the people I work with

Taikoo · 08/10/2020 12:10

Forced fun.
Hate it.
Does your work call you all a 'family'? Bey they do.
I think that kind of mindset is insidious and dangerous. This idea that work is 'family' and 'family time'. This eats into your personal time and blurs the line between work and the essential leisure and personal time away from work

This is one of the reasons why workers' unions were set up in the first place. So that workers wouldn't have to spend all their wages on booze on wages day.

QueenOllie · 08/10/2020 12:15

We only have a Christmas do. Sometimes a few of us might go to the pub after work and every so often our manager might pay for a meal
Apart from that everything is in work so we have a pizza day or sometimes get a McDonald's breakfast etc. Our manager suggested a catch up zoom call over lockdown and we all said no Grin thanks let's just stick to what's app

anniegun · 08/10/2020 12:17

Don't go and don't feel bad about it. However accept that others enjoy it and let them continue. Some people do value the social side of work and some posters seem to feel that because its not for them companies should not do these. I met my DP at work As a young single person (many years ago) moving to a new area for my job meant making friends at work was really important