to hate Obligatory Corporate Fun?

[GettingAntsy]

I work in an office that's mostly people in their mid-20s to mid-30s (I am also in this category) for a company that really prides itself on having a great "culture".

At least once a month there's a "team night out" which usually involves going to a minigolf course or something like that and drinking the night away. These events aren't strictly obligatory, but it's very much expected that everyone goes, and it's a small company so if someone refused to go their absence would be noticed. These events have started again since the lockdown became less severe.

AIBU to absolutely hate this? I do get on with my colleagues, but to be honest, most days come 5 o'clock I just want to go home, put my tracksuit bottoms on and have something to eat. If I want to spend my free time with my colleagues I will ask them myself, I don't need the HR person to organise it for me. I do resent the pressure to give up my "free" time, not to mention the cost of buying rounds of drinks etc. But all my colleagues seem to genuinely enjoy the nights out and I feel like there must be something wrong with me because I never enjoy them (probably because they're always boozy and I don't drink a lot) and always leave early.

Am I an absolute scrooge? I promise I do have friends and I do go out, I just don't want it to be organised by my employer! When did it become normal for colleagues to party together on a week night? What exactly does this contribute to the company? Please reassure me that I'm not a miserable old fart...

Such “events” or days / weekends are absolute hell. They are worse than the worst of difficult days. The clue is in the paradoxical “obligatory fun”. Lol

One of them was also keen on suggesting that to be successful everyone needed a 'starter' wife/husband (who did not work in the industry but would put their career on hold to support you building your career and doing all the childcare so you could have a family) then a 'proper' wife/husband who was in the same or a connected industry and could join you in networking etc and 'enjoying the finer things in life'. The idea was that the 'starter' partner would be the fallback parent for any childcare so you and the 'proper' partner could do fun stuff with the kids every other weekend (unless you get a better offer) but would never have to deal with the mundane domestic stuff

Jesus H Christ was a fucking Machiavellian Psycho!

I quite enjoyed these in the past when I was in my 20s, single etc (but regardless of age, personal situation it's still not everyone's cup of tea and that's fine), but now I feel like my free time is mine, and don't go out on the piss anymore anyway - and if I did, I would want to do it with my actual friends rather than work colleagues. I think with any of these things it's fine (Covid-aside) for those that want to socialise outside of work to do so as long as there's zero pressure for those that are not inclined to join in. Absolutely loathe it when places try and make out someone isn't a team player etc just because they don't want to go to enforced fun and/or on the piss with colleagues.

Oh and the people who mentioned the forced fun / usually the worst companies - spot on. I remember my first interview for a 'proper' job after university where they said they were like one big family - if I had been less inexperienced/ naive, this should have set major alarm bells ringing! That was a terrible job, ridiculous hours, awful pay.....

I hate corporate forced fun events and find this post soooooo triggering of jobs I had after uni

Normally it's just senior management compensating for being utter slave drivers the rest of the time.

Companies that say they are like one big family are normally the worst for treating their staff like s*. Treat your employees like adults, people!!

I would hate this. Actually, I just wouldn't go. I have quite a bit of social anxiety and prefer my own company.

My husband went to a 'ghetto golf' social with his work a few months back and I can safely say he'd rather gouge his own eyes out than do it again.

I'm amazed they call it 'ghetto' golf. Isn't jokingly calling stuff ghetto kind of offensive nowadays?

I avoid as many as possible, apart from Christmas and if someone I have worked with for a long time (and respected) leaves. YANBU.

I like the suggestion that you are not drinking as an excuse to give.

Absolutely howling at how everyone's horrified at being included in optional work nights out. My work organise a huge amount of stuff, formally and informally. There's probably minimum 80% turnout at all events even though they've optional. What a bunch of miseries! There's thread after thread of people feeling left out or alienated at work and BAM - here's the opposite

Ye gads this takes me back to the days of Circus School and the inflatable obstacle course. Sober, corporate events. Alcohol - and just an evening rather than days at a time -would have been an improvement

I have social anxiety so generally I avoid all workplace social events unless the people I feel most comfortable with are going and they won't just leave me saying nothing to anyone all evening. Years ago there was a jolly to a theme park where the objective was to get drunk and ride rollercoasters. My worst nightmare. Generally it's pub and a Nando's which is fine but unless my friends are going I duck out. Thankfully most people know it's not my scene and accept that I probably won't turn up. Unlike OP, it's not an indication of how much of a team player I am.

YANBU at all. It's rarely any fun. The forced element of it removes all spontanity before the even has started.

I always tried to make up an excuse and perhaps others feel relieved and will follow - I doubt you're the only one that feels that way.

I’m with you OP. I’ve been in my job 17 years and I’ve not attended our Christmas party since about 2007!

I’ve very honest with my boss and just tell him I hate it. We do have a very nice office Christmas party, I just can’t stand the huge forced social gathering incorporating the entire firm!

@StylishMummy

Absolutely howling at how everyone's horrified at being included in optional work nights out. My work organise a huge amount of stuff, formally and informally. There's probably minimum 80% turnout at all events even though they've optional. What a bunch of miseries! There's thread after thread of people feeling left out or alienated at work and BAM - here's the opposite

I think there is a big difference between informal/formal events being organised with no expectations on staff to attend if they dont want to, and senior management essentially forcing staff to attend on the basis it's good for "team building", "morale" or whatever.

These corporate events are for the good of the company, not for you. Either fit in or fuck off, that's the message. And yes, as a PP said, finding those people who don't go to the events is a marvellous way to draw up a redundancy shortlist.

@Leafyhouse

These corporate events are for the good of the company, not for you. Either fit in or fuck off, that's the message. And yes, as a PP said, finding those people who don't go to the events is a marvellous way to draw up a redundancy shortlist.

I hope this post is sarcastic

I don't care about the range of activities and it's a shame you've spent so much time rattling your brain cells to come up with them. After spending eight hours a day at work with colleagues I still want to go home. Home. Remember that nice place where you can kick off your shoes, pull on your slippers and properly relax?

Forced activities like this aren't really relaxing. You're still 'on duty' with your behavior etc being watched/judged. If a company ignores good workers for promotion if they don't go to these events then it's quite telling isn't it? BIL didn't go to many of these events and was told his prospects would be compromised because of it. He got to be a manager eventually but it took longer. These wretched companies expect you to 'live your work' and you are seen wanting if that's not the case.

@FraughtwithGin

Devil's advocate here (and been on the receiving end of corporate "fun" evenings), but I would have a word with HR about the drink-fixated nature of these events, along the lines of "I know several people have an alcohol problem" and "wouldn't it be better, after lockdown, if events like this were more nature/sport/activity-based?". Alternatively ask HR to present a list of options and get people to vote on what they would like/enjoy. That might prove fairly eye-opening!

Absolutely no one will thank you for that.

Given that you should be working from home if possible, I hope none of these events are happening at all now.

The point about being more for the benefit of the employer is well made.

this is one of the reasons I'm very happy about WFH!!

I have the loveliest colleagues imaginable, they're fantastic company and we get on brilliantly. Think I've been out with them once in the last 6 years. Until we started working from home, I spent 8 hours a day with them and that was enough. I also live a long commute away and am permanently broke. Fortunately the DCs have a very time consuming hobby which means I am nearly always unavailable.

It's all a bit dictatorial and slightly stupid.

Fun isn't fun if it's forced.

I've learnt that life really is too short. It might seem petty as it's 'only an hour/evening/day/ weekend etc' but life is made up of these increments and it all adds up.

I wouldn't want to go either. I would feel comfortable saying so and not giving an excuse. I wonder how many of them are forcing themselves, as well.

YANBU. I did like my colleagues, but hated being stuck in crowded bars, which were too noisy to talk properly, for hours.

Sounds shite yanbu.

Can you go to every other one, halve the pain?

I would say don't go. They don't own you.

If you feel that's not an option, then go every other month and sneak off early