to hate Obligatory Corporate Fun?

[GettingAntsy]

I work in an office that's mostly people in their mid-20s to mid-30s (I am also in this category) for a company that really prides itself on having a great "culture".

At least once a month there's a "team night out" which usually involves going to a minigolf course or something like that and drinking the night away. These events aren't strictly obligatory, but it's very much expected that everyone goes, and it's a small company so if someone refused to go their absence would be noticed. These events have started again since the lockdown became less severe.

AIBU to absolutely hate this? I do get on with my colleagues, but to be honest, most days come 5 o'clock I just want to go home, put my tracksuit bottoms on and have something to eat. If I want to spend my free time with my colleagues I will ask them myself, I don't need the HR person to organise it for me. I do resent the pressure to give up my "free" time, not to mention the cost of buying rounds of drinks etc. But all my colleagues seem to genuinely enjoy the nights out and I feel like there must be something wrong with me because I never enjoy them (probably because they're always boozy and I don't drink a lot) and always leave early.

Am I an absolute scrooge? I promise I do have friends and I do go out, I just don't want it to be organised by my employer! When did it become normal for colleagues to party together on a week night? What exactly does this contribute to the company? Please reassure me that I'm not a miserable old fart...

I have ASD. When they gave us a team-building event, which was two days of eight hours of interacting with people. I felt like I had the flu afterwards, I felt so worn out. Funnily, as part of it, we had to do that personality text that gives you letters and I was right along the introverted scale.

I don't go to parties or bars with friends, I can't cope with it. We have dinners in smaller groups every few months, but most of my time out of work is spent in solitary pursuits.

I still turn up to the work "parties"that take place in work time, but they are just excruciating for me because I am useless at small talk and often end up standing on my own like a twat. I actually have to write list of things I might say to the people I might see and practice for days ahead.

I work 40 hours a week on a computer in a non-customer-facing role and people often comment on how friendly I am, welcoming to new team members, easy to talk to etc. so it's not like it shows anything about my ability to do the job. The point is, social interaction is not particularly natural to me, it's a constant effort and takes planning and psyching myself up and it's exhausting.

I used to work somewhere that had this sort of forced fun but during the work day, as an attempt to increase employee engagement etc. We had a festival themed afternoon with "fun" activities/games based around the company values and behaviours.
They'd have improved employee engagement more if they'd just given us the afternoon off, instead of spending that much time pissing about pretending to care about company behaviours.

BIL didn't go to many of these events and was told his prospects would be compromised because of it. He got to be a manager eventually but it took longer. These wretched companies expect you to 'live your work' and you are seen wanting if that's not the case.

Then your BIL should have attended until he became manager. I don’t agree with it but he knew it would benefit him to attend and he chose not to. His lack of speed in career progression was down to his choices.

I think it’s extremely unfair to expect employees to attend socials. It has nothing to do with how well you work and definitely ought not to be taken into account when promotions loom.

I swerve socials at all costs. I have a great excuse, a horse. He needs bringing in, exercising, feeding. Everyone knows I have to skip off on time then I quietly slide off home.

Stuff choices when it comes to 'fun'. The thing about fun is that it is something you want to do and doesn't come with coercion. One of the most awesome things about being an adult is that no-one makes me give a crap about watching other people exercise when it is supposed to be 'fun'.

Also it does seem a bit batshit that some people here seem to be supportive of lining people up for redundancy if they don't participate in Corporate Fun with the "not a team player" bullshit argument.
So someone who makes a consistent paper trial, strives for inclusion and cultural sensitivity, makes peoples expectations and objectives clear and essentialy wants them to want to work together, not a team player if they'd rather stick pins in their eyes rather than go to Corporate Fun?

This is another example of people marrying Thin Slice Judgements rather than seeing what is more substantial and an example of why we and our planet is in the shit today.

Also it does seem a bit batshit that some people here seem to be supportive of lining people up for redundancy if they don't participate in Corporate Fun with the "not a team player" bullshit argument

Not a bit, a lot. Why do people think you should spend time outside work with work colleagues? You can socialise in work hours, eg for lunch.

Can’t you just say you feel uncomfortable doing things like that during Covid? The logistics must be difficult to organise to, as generally places won’t accept more than 6 people and everything must be booked in advance.

@Pizzaistheanswer

I have ASD. When they gave us a team-building event, which was two days of eight hours of interacting with people. I felt like I had the flu afterwards, I felt so worn out. Funnily, as part of it, we had to do that personality text that gives you letters and I was right along the introverted scale.

I don't go to parties or bars with friends, I can't cope with it. We have dinners in smaller groups every few months, but most of my time out of work is spent in solitary pursuits.

I still turn up to the work "parties"that take place in work time, but they are just excruciating for me because I am useless at small talk and often end up standing on my own like a twat. I actually have to write list of things I might say to the people I might see and practice for days ahead.

I work 40 hours a week on a computer in a non-customer-facing role and people often comment on how friendly I am, welcoming to new team members, easy to talk to etc. so it's not like it shows anything about my ability to do the job. The point is, social interaction is not particularly natural to me, it's a constant effort and takes planning and psyching myself up and it's exhausting.

I completely agree. I was just about to say that OP should point out to the HR person that they are really not helping neurodiversity in the workplace and the implied compulsion may be bordering on discrimination.

Happy to have reached a point where I dont feel obliged to show my face at these things and my colleagues know that I'm unlikely to attend.

I'm not a big drinker or small talker. Whenever I've been to these things I sit in between people who reminisce about other nights out. I just find it dull, and suspect people dont want to sit beside someone like me.

They've moved social occasions online now which are probably worse. I can see my own expression of boredom on the screen.

Then your BIL should have attended until he became manager. I don’t agree with it but he knew it would benefit him to attend and he chose not to. His lack of speed in career progression was down to his choices.

Yep, because having unofficial rules created by senior management for promotion that exclude certain types of people (such as introverts in this case) even if it has nothing to do with their ability to do the job is totally okay.

Great question.

Frankly, it’s flesh-creeping.

@Hopoindown31

Then your BIL should have attended until he became manager. I don’t agree with it but he knew it would benefit him to attend and he chose not to. His lack of speed in career progression was down to his choices.

Yep, because having unofficial rules created by senior management for promotion that exclude certain types of people (such as introverts in this case) even if it has nothing to do with their ability to do the job is totally okay.

As I said I don't agree with it but it was clearly expected in this case.

I used to work in IT Sales, pre-children. Between 2002 and 2006 I worked for a company that was big on 'forced frivolity' in Reading. If ever I pass the location I inwardly shudder.

During our induction meeting, the MD told us all "If you don't come to our social events, then we don't want you here'. I wish I could have walked out at that point but I couldn't.

We were always expected to come in 2 hours early for 'vendor training' but if you had an urgent doctor's appointment and need to leave 30 minutes later, you had to work through lunch. Never mind that you'd been in from 7.30am for training (the official hours were 9am-5.30pm)

They would have 'dressing up days'. One day the male management thought it was a brilliant idea for us all to dress up in school uniform for the working day - we would have felt the wrath if we hadn't. So there I was, at the age of 28, on the phone dealing with large corporate customers, in school uniform and pigtails - looking as miserable as sin. I can't imagine a company would get away with this in 2020.

One lady in her probationary period didn't dress us. The following day she was called into the office and told that she had not past her probationary period and was walked off the premises. She was a hard worker, doing well but she had refused the dressing up. This went on for about a month, each week they dumped a fancy dress theme on us as they thought it was good for team building.

There were regular fancy dress nights out, dog racing, bars etc which we were expected to go to it was exhausting. By the end, my life was spent trying to dodge them. The salary was ok but with zero benefits. I have no idea how any company can imagine that doing this to employees improves morale - it does the opposite.

I remember one day after a night of forced fun, them deciding to get rid of a middle-aged lady whose face didn't fit. She was marched off the premises. The office was completely glass and one of the Senior Salespeople was jeering at her through the window while management looked on smiling.

The day I walked out of that hellhole was the best day of my life. Such a horrible, toxic place. I'm now in my 40's and if a company ever tried to force me to socialise in my own time or else, they can totally do one. Not happening.

Yeah what about the rule of six?

No it's awful, I worked for a small family business for a year and was constantly being asked to do non optional things with the family.
It was bad enough working for them with their multiple dysfunctional family problems never mind spend ANY spare time with them.
I loathed the lot of them.Now left that job thank God. Never again.

Not a fan of a work do.🤫
I’ll go to the Christmas do, if it’s at lunchtime, not in the evening. I’m too knackered and, like other PP’s have said, prefer being flopped at home in my comfy stuff.
I get on well with my colleagues, and regard them as my work family, but we don’t see each other on a one to one basis outside work. I agree about the expectation thing, our managers think it’s a great thing for team building, if everyone gets drunk together and goes to a club or a bar. As I don’t drink, I’d be happier with a lunch time pizza like a PP has mooted.
I do go to some events, and the team lunches, but I have lovely friends who I’d prefer to spend time with. As I already spend 40 hours a week with my colleagues, I think that’s enough!

BrittanySpears2006 That sounds like hell - must have been the longest 4 years of your life.
If either of my DSs are expected to do this then I would advise them to walk out - job interviews and management are a two-way street, even if they try to tell you otherwise.

Thing is I still am in contact with my colleagues from my old job and we did occationally organise thins to do outside of work - but that was something we did for ourselves.
There was more 'work-oriented' socialization but that was usually incidental rather than anything forced - it is very much a thing in research but then it goes with the territory.

@JohnMcCainsDeathStare
It was the most toxic company I've ever worked for. I read in the local press that they'd moved and the property was going to be bought by a church for worship - it would have to be exorcised before that could bloody happen. It then fell through as apparently the old office was at risk of blowing up due to being close to the Gilette Factory which has tons of chemicals. That place was toxic in more ways that one shudder

This takes me back. We had an outdoor sport inflicted upon us which involved heights, climbing, harnessing up etc amongst a competitive group. I was an older worker and a carer. I declined because I am terrified of heights and feared injury.

Well the CEO was not impressed. She came into my office and told me in front of everyone that I had to take annual leave if I did not wish to attend and that was fine with me.

My own manager told me she felt terrified throughout but felt she could not back down. Sadly one of my colleagues, same age as myself, landed badly and had a serious break in her leg resulting in her being off work for months. Apparently the CEO did not participate merely shouted orders.

Just hideous op. These events may seem enjoyable to some but they never seem to end happily. I would also get asked to go for lunches with a cliquey management group. Just no. I was already booked elsewhere because there was a growing divide I did not want to be part of.

This sort of enforced joviality is ghastly imo. I always dip out if I can, which is easy, as I only work 3 mornings a week so it's often on a non-working day.

Thankfully, I work for a very family-friendly employer so these events are never outside of working hours.

I think expecting people to be present outside of working hours is ridiculous.

If you don’t enjoy them don’t go, it isn’t obligatory, as you said. Someone who doesn’t want to be there won’t be bringing much to the event and would probably not be missed.

This was what I hated working for a big corporate. Cringe fest.

We're all wfh now and having to suffer enforced jollity to "keep ourselves motivated". So we have to dress up for Teams meetings, join quizzes etc (in and out of work time).

Strangely enough, we're perfectly capable of organising our own events at which we manage to have genuine fun.

Bloody hell there are some horrendous tales here.

Of course, a lot of the enforced joliness is via Zoom at the mo. That’s particularly creepy....

We had an email the other day informing us sadly that the Christmas party could not go ahead

I’ve avoided the last two small groups I don’t mind larger groups I can’t stand but now I’ve been promoted I would have been expected to go

At the moment you have a very good excuse not to go