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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBu to think my tenant throwing me shade?

119 replies

YouMatterTheMostLeast · 06/10/2020 18:34

Ive got a tenant and she’s from South America. She’s ok, clean.

I wonder if she’s being rude or not.

I got a new kitchen, got rid of the awful one I had before which was small and had painted doors.

The sink is now black. Before I had a silver sink that was probably twenty years.
Her reaction to the new sink - oh why did you get rid of the silver sink, it matched.

My kitchen matches. It’s black, white, stainless steel and Dark grey.

OP posts:
SharpLily · 06/10/2020 23:29

Cultural differences, OP. And wow, once again I’m reminded what a harsh place Mumsnet can be.

For what it’s worth, I’ve just replaced a coloured sink with a stainless steel one because they’re so much easier to live with but I also think there’s been a lot of unnecessary bitchiness here, not for the first time.

IsurvivedbutdidI · 06/10/2020 23:32

I remember as a student making a negative comment on the paint colour choice of the flat I was living in to my landlord who had come over. I don't know why I said it but suspect it was nerves and it just sort of came out. I was really embarrassed that I'd said it as really it didn't matter to me as a tenant- I love interiors so it must have just come into my mind. I definitely didn't intend to upset them.

loutypips · 06/10/2020 23:40

A stainless steel sink is easy to clean. A black one will show watermarks. Odd to swap out something practical for something that will be a pain to clean.

lioncitygirl · 06/10/2020 23:42

i mean - i would have liked a matte black sink and a rose gold tap.But thats me - she was just being honest - she hates your new sink. Surely she wasnt being off? And what is throwing you shade? What does that mean - like being rude?

Rose789 · 06/10/2020 23:49

Didn’t you discuss your plans for the new kitchen before installing it?
When my old landlord was refitting the bathroom he showed us the plans and colours he had planned. He also paid for me and my flat mate to stay in a travel lodge for 3 days while it was getting done though so maybe he was just a lovely person

HunkyPunk · 06/10/2020 23:56

I've never come across a black sink. I didn't even know they were a thing.

I think maybe "oh why did you get rid of the silver sink, it matched" is a polite way of saying "Omg! What the hell made you get a black sink?" Grin

willloman · 07/10/2020 00:34

You sound unhinged. Put down the gin...

blueberrypie0112 · 07/10/2020 00:37

It’s a matter of taste, she likes the silver sink better but she knows in the end, this is your decision. And it has nothing to do with where she is from.

Casschops · 07/10/2020 00:38

Funny OP why did you need to include ethnicity and how is it relevant?

alexdgr8 · 07/10/2020 00:51

so is this one of those edgy kitchen sink dramas, with the modern lingo and all, down wiv da kids, man.

Toddlerteaplease · 07/10/2020 02:00

What does "throwing the shade" actually mean?

Soubriquet · 07/10/2020 02:07

@Wiredforsound

I’ve got a black sink and it is peng. Don’t let her diss your sink, fam.
....

Was that in english?!

God I’m getting old Sad

seayork2020 · 07/10/2020 02:19

Me thinks the OP is a bridge-dweller?

blueberrypie0112 · 07/10/2020 02:29

@Toddlerteaplease

What does "throwing the shade" actually mean?
I think it is more of a American slang but not sure, it is something I hear often here when someone is about make a smart comeback
missmouse101 · 07/10/2020 02:31

I think it's a bit rude of her actually, OP. But not too big a deal in the grand scheme of things. (Also don't understand the throwing shade nonsense.)

blueberrypie0112 · 07/10/2020 02:31

@Toddlerteaplease

What does "throwing the shade" actually mean?
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Throw%20shade
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/10/2020 02:38

What on earth did we all do before Urban Dictionary.?

I remember being wildly impressed with myself for knowing what 'bare' meant when a friend asked me. I was working with the yoot in Saaf Laandon at the time. I used to BE the Urban Dictionary. I'm so old now.

notangelinajolie · 07/10/2020 02:39

I don't know what throwing the shade means.
I have no idea why being South African lodger makes a difference.
Not understanding why you think your lodger shouldn't have an opinion.
But I do agree with your lodger - sinks should be stainless steel.

This thread is wierd.

notangelinajolie · 07/10/2020 02:40

Weird even.

safariboot · 07/10/2020 02:53

The possible subtext here is "Why did you buy an unnecessary new sink that you're going to put my rent up to pay for?"

Topseyt · 07/10/2020 02:54

Strange thread!!

I'm still none the wiser as to what "throwing me shade" actually means. Nor what bearing the ethnicity of the tenant has on anything.

I'd want a stainless steel sink by the way.

FauxAmis · 07/10/2020 03:25

I think posters are being unnevessarily harsh. I think it's tactless and pointless to ask when it was already done. Yes, it wasn't polite to express the preference AFTER it was done at a cost to you. It's a reminder to a tenant that it isn't their home. Would she not signed up the tenancy agreement had she seen the kitchen sink first? Who knows. People get put off properties and put up with all sorts. I guess the context and tone of the conversation which is understandably missing might have made it clearer whether she was rude.i would say overall YANBU. No, she doesn't have to lie or act grateful but should have only commented if she has something positive. It's quite negative to pick on the one thing she dislikes and ignores that it's been an overall massive improvement and not her own property. Had she expressed preference keeping the silver sink or had you consulted her with the kitchen? If so then maybe that gave her some 'balls' to say something about it.

S. America is huge, i can't comment on whether it's cultural.. i've met a no filter one and 2 very diplomatic, sensitive and thoughtful ones.

As to throwing shade, i think you are being teased op. Even if you don't use that slang.. unless you've been living under a rock you must have heard that before... but that's the classic MN pile on train for you.

HirplesWithHaggis · 07/10/2020 03:27

This reminds me of my encounter with a 70's purple bath in Dover. I tried desperately hard to clean it, but these white marks kept appearing, no matter what I tried. Of course it was chalky water. In my defence, I'm Scottish and our water is soft and doesn't leave deposits like that.

Still wouldn't want a black sink.

gurteee · 07/10/2020 03:34

She's probably worried that's it's going to be a pain for her to keep clean.

hoxtonbabe · 07/10/2020 06:43

@gurteee

That’s what I was thinking. Maybe she knows that will be a pain in the ass sink for her to keep on top of. I don’t think what she said was bad, unless she said it with an aggressive tone and a screwed up face with eye rolling etc

When I was going to do up my kitchen I was considering a black sink until one of the people coming to give a quote said don’t bother, it will look terrible after some time especially as I live in a hard water area and cleaning it would be hell. I ended up getting a ceramic one.

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