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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU MIL comment - SIL revelation?

91 replies

MrsWarleggan · 06/10/2020 16:47

My MIL popped up today. We were having a cuppa and a general chit chat about life, work, money etc and I mentioned that I was absolutely knackered what with having to work an extra 8 hours on a Sunday to make up for DHs overtime being wiped out at work due to Covid. On top of 25hrs anyway, baby at home etc. Pre covid he came home with an extra £600 a month by putting the hours in, which really helped us out but last 4 months - nothing. I said to her that it was stressing me out and that we were robbing Peter to pay Paul. Her response was, "Well it is what it is, you just have to live within you means". I agreed you do, but at the moment it just feels like we are existing, not living (I didn't say that out loud).

Anyhoo, SIL called after MIL left. Again, more chatting about life in general and she said "Yeah you must really be feeling it without the overtime" I agreed and she turned round and said "Yeah it's really tough at the moment, if mum hadn't of given me £200 last week I don't know what I would have done. I almost couldn't go out on Saturday!

Ermm....?? So I'm sitting near on tears saying I didn't know if I could put petrol in my car next week to go to work and get told to get a grip its life... Yet SIL moans about not being able to go out on the piss and she gets bunged £200??

For the record I don't/didn't expect a hand out, but I'm miffed, is that unreasonable??

OP posts:
littlebirdieblue · 06/10/2020 16:51

Honestly I can see why you'd be a little put out, but it's really none of your business what your MIL does with her money.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 06/10/2020 16:55

Don't ever let her know your business op... And make a mental note to never agree to do her any favours in the future. The Golden Child can wipe her arse if the need arises..

LaurieFairyCake · 06/10/2020 16:55

It's her daughter

What does her son thinking about asking for a hand out? If you think he wouldn't be cool with that then unfortunately you have to live with it Thanks

Anotheruser02 · 06/10/2020 16:56

I see what you mean about the buck up attitude, but not about what MIL does with her money.

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 06/10/2020 17:06

Not miffed about how she spends her money, and as previously said do not want/expect hand outs. More pissed at the double standards!

OP posts:
WiserOwl · 06/10/2020 17:07

That's her daughter though(

Waveysnail · 06/10/2020 17:08

Did u ask to lend money? Perhaps sil did?

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 06/10/2020 17:11

@Waveysnail

Perhaps she did, she didn't say so. But surely if we get the live within your means conversation and not having asked so should DH's sister when/if she did?? 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
luckylavender · 06/10/2020 17:12

You're getting a hard time here OP. She doesn't have to give you money sure, but she was mean about living within your means.

AlternativePerspective · 06/10/2020 17:16

Maybe it’s because of her having lent money to SIL that she’s now having that conversation with you.

Look at it from her perspective. On Saturday she lens her daughter £200, no idea how that came about or what brought it on, but somehow it will have been made known to her that her daughter is short.

Then only two days later her son’s wife is complaining about the amount of money she hasn’t got. If I were MIL I’d be wondering whether you’d spoken to SIL and thought you’d chance your luck by talking about your financial situation... Even though you haven’t.

Maybe she’s frustrated with the fact that both her children are complaining about how hard-up they suddenly are....

blueberrypie0112 · 06/10/2020 17:17

If she give money to her daughter, there’s no doubt she gave money to her son. husbands don’t always let their wives know about it.

Iola4 · 06/10/2020 17:20

No she doesn't have to give you money, she has no duty to at this point in life, both of you should be independent adults. BUT she is the mother of YOU and your sister...treat one as you would treat the other is my family motto.

Leaannb · 06/10/2020 17:22

@blueberrypie0112

If she give money to her daughter, there’s no doubt she gave money to her son. husbands don’t always let their wives know about it.
Not true at all. Plenty of families have golden child/scapegoat dynamics or even different circumstances. I gave my middle child 250 dollars for something and I didn't give his sibilings a dime
mummytothree87 · 06/10/2020 17:22

My sis is the same. We both have kids but she's single doesn't work.doesn't pay rent,electric,gas as its all inclusive and paid for yet I work 40 hours a week and dp is self employed so bringing in very little due to covid even tho hes working all hours god sends yet anytime I mention how tired I am to parents,all I get is how they have sisters kids overnight at least 3 Times a week because she needs a break Hmm or they ask me for a loan because they've gave money to dsis even though she gets more per week than I do

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 06/10/2020 17:22

@AlternativePerspective

I find your 3rd paragraph rather insulting, but it's AIBU so will let the hard hat do it's work. In the 15 years DH have been together we have never asked nor been lent/given money by the in laws. We've been in sticky spots before and done what she said "lived within our means" so she would never have expected me to (or would hope she knew me well enough) to not "chance my luck".

OP posts:
Sunnydaysstillhere · 06/10/2020 17:22

Maybe cutting down on your tea bag /coffee use will save a few quid
. Less invites for her would do just that imo...
.

Leaannb · 06/10/2020 17:23

@Iola4

No she doesn't have to give you money, she has no duty to at this point in life, both of you should be independent adults. BUT she is the mother of YOU and your sister...treat one as you would treat the other is my family motto.
No she isn't the mother of OP or OPs sister. She is the mother of the Sil and OPs dh
Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 06/10/2020 17:23

*apart from £10 in a birthday card perhaps!

OP posts:
WinterIsGone · 06/10/2020 17:25

I wouldn't be surprised if your MIL wasn't thinking ruefully about the money she'd given her daughter, and had been miffed that she'd used it to go out.

WellThisWentWell · 06/10/2020 17:25

Is the SIL single/ childless.

Like PP have said, it’s her daughter, and maybe (if she’s alone) she tought sil needs more support.

Original poster
MrsWarleggan · 06/10/2020 17:28

@WellThisWentWell

No she has a partner who actually earns OK money, if you believe what he says (a bit Walter Mitty character) and she works part time.

OP posts:
dontdisturbmenow · 06/10/2020 17:28

Maybe it's just a case of SIL asking when you didn't. Maybe she didn't want to give it SIL but felt lived to. Maybe it's a loan (but SIL made it sound like it wasn't).

Maybe she doesn't believe you are really hard done by because of material things you have. Could be many reasons.

Iola4 · 06/10/2020 17:32

Leaannb

O thank you Leaannb, think I'm ready for bed now lol.
Unfortunately I don't get on with my MIL as she is utterly batshit with the fairies and we're NC. But she would (has) done this to DH.
The best bit was when she charged us for Christmas dinner at her house but not any of the other family that attended...I was pregnant at the time and unable to eat as I was suffering so badly with morning sickness, I also didn't want to go!

SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness · 06/10/2020 17:33

YANBU to feel miffed at the rather dismissive way she spoke to you.
But it is her money, as you already said.

Like a PP said, I'd not let her know your business in future. If she pushes you away now, she better not complain later when you & she have no functional relationship & she wants help.

BigBadVoodooHat · 06/10/2020 17:35

So many profligate SILs on MN just now.

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