to think I’m not being unreasonable (divorce)

[BettyBroderick]

We are divorcing. Kids are pre teens, some mild disabilities.
My pension pot is 400
His pension pot is 725
Cash/shares 40
I’m SAHM, no income
He earns 85k
House equity 500
Mortgage -50

I want to keep the house, with no mortgage,
Not so bothered about anything else. Is that fair?

He wants to sell the house to release the equity and us both buy somewhere each, mine outright, and him using his as a deposit and then remortgaging. He wants the kids 50:50 so no child maintenance and also wants a clean break. We are both 50.

I think he’s not being fair. AIBU?

Ask him to agree with you the 3 and a half days he will have the kids now. Then he has the chance to prove he can and will look after them on his own and if he is able to you can look for some work.

Say for example he has wed lunchtime to saturday night (alternately overnight saturday). He needs to understand his comittments includes if school is closed/school holidays/kids are ill or need to isolate etc as if he doesn't want to help support you then you will need to work.

If he can do it then fine. If he can't and needs to pay for care then you can have the discussion why pay for limited and expensive childcare while you the expert in your own children are able and willing to take care of them.

On his side I would fight (if I were him) for equity towards my property as I think with Covid very few jobs are safe and his 80k plus income could easily become nothing and then he would be royally screwed.

@arethereanyleftatall see that's insanity to me. He goes to work to pay your bills when he already covered your bills in the marriage? Ridiculous.

Whilst I look after our children, yes. Luckily he, I, and the courts, value sahp's.

I'm sorry but in my opinion it should be 50/50 starting point at least.

You cannot expect him to keep on paying for you, which you essentially are by wanting to keep the house yourself and wanting child maintenance etc to run the place.

Why can't he have his kids 50% of the time as he wants to? Because you won't get maintenance?

Why should you live mortgage free in a kushty 500k house and he has to start over again from scratch at 50? What sort of mortgage do you think he would get at that age?!

If you want to keep the house you need to find a way to earn money for a mortgage.

If you cannot work at all I suggest you use the equity to get yourself a more modest house and money to live on.

You need to cut your cloth to fit.

Winter2020 Thu 08-Oct-20 11:04:05
Ask him to agree with you the 3 and a half days he will have the kids now. Then he has the chance to prove he can and will look after them on his own and if he is able to you can look for some work.
...
I agree with that in theory but when kids reach a certain age they have their own ideas about where they want to be and when. Before you know where you are they are Vlth formers with a social life and pleasing themselves.

To all those saying the husband should prove he can manage with the kids for 3 days a week, would you also think it appropriate for him to ask the OP to prove she can manage without his financial support?

Between the two of them there is about 281K in pension lump sums that can be accessed in about 5 years. (Assuming DC pensions.) She can also start living off her pension in 5 years time. (Taking a low income to make it last.)

I think they're both being fairly reasonable. She's not asking for much more than 50%, and he's willing to give her most of the house equity, just not all. They're not that far apart.

I do agree that he needs to be a able to buy a house, between his borrowing ability and the lumps sums that will soon be available from both pensions there seems to be enough money for them both to get what they want. Just need to find a way to engineer a deposit for him.