Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DM told everyone I'm pregnant

80 replies

PurpleEllie · 04/10/2020 22:05

I made the mistake of telling my "D"M I'm pregnant. Its very early stages. She then told everyone in my extended family, even those who I have no contact with, and I've been inundated with phone calls all weekend. Some of them have been nice, but most have been unpleasant, as we didn't tell people DH had a vasectomy reversal, and now people are gossiping I must have cheated. She even rang her abusive ex husband and told him, and even worse gave him my number so he could ring and congratulate me, so I had a horrible phone call from him. She's really upset that I'm mad and says I'm robbing her of her right to being a grandmother. She had 7 other grand kids ffs, she never even told me about them until after they were born. AIBU for being absolutely furious with her and wanting to go NC?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2020 22:09

Did you specifically tell her it was a secret at that stage?

Merryoldgoat · 04/10/2020 22:12

There is obviously some massive backstory which suggests you should’ve expected this from her so why the shock?

Original poster

PurpleEllie · 04/10/2020 22:13

She's told people who I have deliberately cut out of my life. I come from a very abusive family, and have zero contact with all of them except my mother. She's told them my business and given them my contact details, even though I've not seen them in years. I did not think I would have to say "oh by the way, please don't contact your abusive ex husband or his abusive sons and tell them my private business". I kinda figured that was a given! She also found someone at DH's work and told them! They rang him and said "um, this is weird, but Ellies mum has been saying this". I never want to see her again. Is it the pregnancy hormones making me feel like this or is she way out of order?

OP posts:

1940s · 04/10/2020 22:14

Your extended family knew DH had a vasectomy? This thread doesn't add up to me

Original poster

PurpleEllie · 04/10/2020 22:15

We are in lockdown, I figured she'd probably tell her neighbour who she chats with over the fence, but I didnt think she'd go as far as contacting people I've made it clear I do not want knowing my business.

OP posts:

Coriandersucks · 04/10/2020 22:16

Yet they all know about your husband’s vasectomy? Some weird boundaries going on here.

Original poster

PurpleEllie · 04/10/2020 22:17

DH had a vasectomy when he was with his ex. His ex works with my step brothers wife. People gossip.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2020 22:18

I'm in two minds here really

You didn't tell her it was a secret and she told people she obviously speaks to.

Some of them are people you've gone NC with and now you're asking if you should go NC with your mum?

Perhaps she forgot/lost count of how many people you are NC with at the present time?

AdoraBell · 04/10/2020 22:20

Same happened with me, DH wanted to his DM and I said only if she doesn’t tell anyone. She promised not to tell anyone else and then DH’s cousin called. I answered the phone and she said “how are those babies doing”. DH has words with his mother and she said “I only told family”

YANBU in the least.

Justnormajean · 04/10/2020 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

PurpleEllie · 04/10/2020 22:21

I am NC with the absuive areshole my mum was married too when I was a teen, and his awful sons. Thats it. Why would I need to specify she shouldn't tell them? Not only that, it wasn't her news to tell! What if I have a miscarriage? It's still very early days.

OP posts:

Throckmorton · 04/10/2020 22:21

Not quite sure why you're not getting more sympathy here to be honest - it sounds like what she did was shit. The phone to your husband's colleague is particularly shit

KetoPenguin · 04/10/2020 22:21

Your mum was wrong to do this but also I am shocked distant relations would ring to be nasty to you for cheating. So weird.

Merryoldgoat · 04/10/2020 22:23

You come from a very abusive family and it sounds like your mum is at the centre. I think you are being unreasonable for expecting her to behave any other way tbh.

Original poster

PurpleEllie · 04/10/2020 22:23

They are horrible people, which is why I have nothing to do with them. And she knows that, which is why I'm so upset she told them.

OP posts:

Seesawheehaw · 04/10/2020 22:23

I think it’s awful. Poor you OP. Giving o it your contact details is the icing on the cake. You would have every right to go NC, she doesn’t sound like a supportive mother at all. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly. Good luck.

Original poster

PurpleEllie · 04/10/2020 22:25

Am I being unreasonable to cut her off once and for all? DH has had enough and says he's not having anymore to do with her. Every time I try to erect a boundry, she just stamps over it, then starts guilt tripping me for being a horrible person.

OP posts:

Doyoumind · 04/10/2020 22:26

I'm confused. Whose are the other children who are her grandchildren? Your family sounds like a mess. I don't think this can have been a huge shock to you. Is it really out of character of her? What's done is done so, yes, be angry and cut her out your life if that feels like the right thing to do.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 04/10/2020 22:27

That's shit op. I'm not surprised you're angry.

My ex SIL told people I was pregnant before I'd even confirmed it to her. Apparently it was "obvious". She shut up when I asked her if she was going to tell everyone if I had a miscarriage!

pinkstripeycat · 04/10/2020 22:30

All sounds really weird to me. Why would ANYONE other that you and DH know he had a vasectomy?

Original poster

PurpleEllie · 04/10/2020 22:30

The other grandchildren are my step brothers children - she considers them her grandchildren. I did think she would tell some people, but thought she would be sensible enough to NOT give my info to the people she knows I've cut out of my life. She seems to think we can all be a big happy family, but it's not happening. She says I'm robbing her of her happiness and being selfish.

OP posts:

Socksey · 04/10/2020 22:30

Remind her of her rights etc as a grandmother.... none
She is so far out of line that it's crazy....

BlueThistles · 04/10/2020 22:30

Stop explaining yourself OP, block her and do no engage with her again.

Original poster

PurpleEllie · 04/10/2020 22:32

Obviously DH's ex knows he had a vasectomy, they were together when he got it done. She then heard from my step brothers wife that i was pregnant (they work together) and had obviously said it can't be his as she knows he had the snip.

OP posts:

Changethetoner · 04/10/2020 22:35

Yes you are unreasonable. You told her some joyful news, and she was so happy she blurted it out to all and sundry. If you didn't want that as a possibility, you shouldn't have told her you were pg.

Flip

1 2 3 4