If you are really posh...

[quickque]

How do you view people that aren't?

A genuine question. I can't help but feel as if some of my husbands friends / colleagues think that he's married 'down'....

Maybe a generalisation but I mostly get this impression from his female friends.

It may be contrarian to say this, but I have never seen social snobbery in the UK that even begins to match what I saw in the USA. I see all sorts in the UK, and am fairly boringly in the middle, and a bit hard to place. But in the USA, notwithstanding the current concern for black lives matter on social media, it seems perfectly acceptable to openly dismiss poor white people as white trash or trailer trash. Are low-earning, poorly educated, opioid-addicted white people in some way inferior to POC in similar circumstances? Did they bring their misfortunes on themselves, rather than being oppressed by brutish overseers? Every strain of humanity, whatever their skin colour, can be either clever and cultured or loutish and criminal depending on their genetic inheritance and upbringing. And both extremes will exclude people not of their midset, whether from the bottom up or the top down.

Until recently I used to work with someone posh and still work with someone who is fairly well to do. I'm sure they can't account account for every single posh person but here we go...

They tended/tend to favour and talk to people they think are on their level. One was an Oxford uni graduate, privately educated, fine dining tastes, parents had multiple homes around the country, didn't need to work, moved to work in a private school, boyfriend had the same background and possibly wealthier as his parents had ski chalets on top. The other one comes from money but went to a former poly. Both own their own homes and both are teachers. They get along well with children from all backgrounds, are very social, lots of charm, say the right things about poverty, inequality, children's rights, refugees etc. Despite intially appearing to be understanding of all, some of the things they say are not at all understanding and they are judgmental. I don't think they realise this though, there's a lack of awareness that comes from their privileged and stable backgrounds. They somehow are only friends with a selected range of (mostly white) people who are typically middle leaders or above or come from a similar background.

@XingMing i think in ireland and in the uk there exist many, many people with class and an educated accent living very modestly in genteel poverty, but their lack of ca$h is never held against them, so long as they are articulate, informed, polite, charming... content

It is my impression that this isn't a thing in the USA. Poor's poor baby.

Also the notion of "white trash" was shocking to me when i first heard it. That being poor is a crime in itself.

Not defending the cstholic church but nobody i grew up with ever felt they were trash because they were poor. There was no glory in being poor but it wasnt shameful.

The perceived shame was if anything linked to having too much.

I don't think it's that surprising that people choose their friends from similar backgrounds wiltingflower. It makes for easy comfortable social interaction when you don't have to explain much.

@CaMePlaitPas

I once knew a Lord and Lady and had fairly regular interactions with them. They were incredibly respectful and engaged well with me, didn't make me feel inferior whatsoever.

I wouldn't say they were "nice" people - they were distant, but I guess it goes with the territory!

Do you notice how forgiving you are of the ‘Lord and Lady’?

I can be quite distant with people I don't know well Arofan, but perfectly pleasant and respectful. I don't expect to forgive or be forgiven for not wearing my heart inside out for anyone from minute one of making an acquaintance.

It's rare that anyone gets from first meeting to instant best friend forever in seconds. Respect and friendship mature gradually.

I love all the posters implying that they are somehow rubbing shoulders with "truly posh" who would NEVER. I'm pretty sure there's going to be a range of rudeness at every level of society. People are not immune to appalling attitudes at any level of society.

If these women are giving that impression you don't have to try to prove anything. Remember MN and ask if they meant to be rude 😉

*ParrotheadRedux
Not this again. The tired old MN trope that “truly posh” people are all humble, kind and most importantly they ALWAYS drive beaten-up 15-year-old cars. “New money” on the other hand must be flashy snobs who have no social graces and anyway they buy everything on credit to look richer than they are. 🙄

I think psychologically people have a real need to believe in fairness. British people in particular have a very strong ingrained sense of class lodged in their subconscious and this can be hard to shake, even in younger people who believe they are past it. We are trained to respect the upper class so we characterize them as relatable and unassuming. On the other hand there’s no obligation to respect “new money” folks and it’s more comfortable to find ways to look down on them then admit the world is arbitrary and we are jealous of all the cool stuff they have.*

Absobloodylutely! Post of the day.*

Why thanks Arofan! I’ve never had such a high compliment on MN. Actually I don’t think I’ve ever had a compliment on MN. There are so many things we tell ourselves to make sense of the world but to keep repeating these old cliches about class and money is just embarrassing.

I’ve lived in the UK on and off for 20 years and right now we are lucky enough to be on an expat package for my husband’s work that pays for my children to attend very posh West London prep/secondary schools. There are posh people with money (Lots of grandparents paying school fees), posh people with barely any money, people who’ve made it big in banking/tech/media, and normal folks who work hard and sacrifice to pay the school fees. Not one of them drives an old beaten-up car or shows up to the school run in threadbare jeans and flannel shirts. In fact the only consistent rule I have seen is that EVERYONE loves the celebrities. If you’re on TV or in the movies or a well-known singer, or even if you have access to such people, you will be welcomed with open arms no matter where you came from.

Bold fail

In my experience, it is the new rich that look down on others, forgetting just a decade or generation ago that was them. People who are truly 'upper class' I've found personally to be accepting and put much less stock into where someone is from.

Like all people some are nice some less so, some have manners and use them some don't. It doesn't matter if your fortune is old or new or if it doesn't exist at all it comes down to how you are willing to interact with others.
Lets remember lots of old money married new money from America/UK to allow them to continue as they were before.

Francis Shand-Kid wanted to view a house we were selling and was incredibly rude and just expected her name to open doors. She was rather put out when my father, politely, declined and suggested she look elsewhere.
Money can be lost, titles are often earned by others so underneath we should only be judged on what we have done or achieved. There are snobs or pretentious posh people in all walks of life, it appears to be how we humans are.

I accept there are likely many exceptions to that 'rule' too!

@Atalune

Those who are well educated have the manners and social skills to glide through life. Giving you the impression they wish.

That’s all.

This, exactly. The poem 'If' comes to mind and sums up what 'we' are taught from the nursery.

People are people. From whatever walk in life or background you get blinkered arseholes or normal people. If you're comfortable in your skin and yourself, it comes through. If you feel somehow not 'good enough' that does too. If you come across snobs, fuck them. Idiots. But I wouldnt pre-judge and assume anyone is a snobby idiot just cos they're 'posh'. Take them as they come, and vice versa?

Posh is only ever an insult. Where I live it means a semi detached rather than a terrace, so hardly in the realms of not needing to work.

Nice people don't judge.

People who judge are not nice.

Not sure income comes into it

Seconding what others have said: in my experience properly posh people (aristocracy/landed gentry etc) are among the least snobbish people you will meet. The most snobbish people I've met are the middle classes, in various ways.

@thepeopleversuswork

Seconding what others have said: in my experience properly posh people (aristocracy/landed gentry etc) are among the least snobbish people you will meet. The most snobbish people I've met are the middle classes, in various ways.

That really isn’t the case. They’re just very accustomed to dealing affably with the ‘lower orders’, and the ways in which such people are not being regarded as PLU are simply less obvious.

I'm proper posh and as long as you don't steal for a living I'd not look down on anyone. And my job is much more important to my self worth than the accident of my birth.

My poshest friend is also my least judgmental friend 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was good friends with a girl who was super posh, not landed gentry but had a fairly old mansion in the family in Suffolk and she went to private school yada yada. She didn’t give a shit who her friends were or where they came from but oh my goodness her brother was so far up his own arse..... he turned his nose up regarding the school I went to which was fairly well to do in its own right.

Posh is only ever an insult.
it's exactly like "classy". It's only ever used by people who are neither

Are you really beautiful OP? I would say they’re probably jealous