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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gardener hugged me

88 replies

BlackbirdFirst · 03/10/2020 20:58

I have two gardeners per fortnight and they kept coming through lockdown. They work for a company, who emailed all about covid precautions etc.

Yesterday, it was pissing it down the whole time. They were finished and having a biscuit in their van but I had to get my car past. So I went and knocked on window. One of them came out, soaked through and gave me an enormous bear hug.

All wet, smelled of biscuit and no mask. His mate in the van had a mask on and just shook his head.

First guy said "oh no, sorry I couldn't help it. I'm embarrassed now".

Hes quite a vulnerable man I think - he lives in a tent and is stick thin.

Not going to mention it to his boss, but ianbu am I to think this isn't on?

OP posts:

romeolovedjulliet · 03/10/2020 21:05

no it's not on at all. he might be living in a tent but that is not an excuse. they wouldn't be working for me again that's a dead cert.

TreadLightly3 · 03/10/2020 21:06

I think you know it’s not on, but I think you also recognise that this man may be very vulnerable. Not making excuses for him but you may have been the only physical contact he has had for a long time so at least you aren’t going to complain to his boss

Elouera · 03/10/2020 21:09

When you say he is vulnerable, do you mean he has learning disabilities? What did you say to him at the time?

Imissmoominmama · 03/10/2020 21:09

His mate has probably already given him a dressing down.

Butchyrestingface · 03/10/2020 21:10

Why did he hug you?

Anyways, he shouldn't be hugging you, especially now. But what's the point of starting a thread about it if you (rightly) know you're not going to report it?

markzuckerbergsgreytshirt · 03/10/2020 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

BlackbirdFirst · 03/10/2020 21:15

Sorry it's not a non event to me it was quite shocking.

I just said it's ok at the time.

He doesn't have learning difficulties hes just a bit of a space cadet and gets highly emotional whenever he speaks to me.

OP posts:

FippertyGibbett · 03/10/2020 21:38

It’s not on but it’s passed now. Just don’t get in a position like that again, you don’t know what he might do next.

Hotelhelp · 03/10/2020 21:40

From a Covid point of view never mind anything else it’s not on!

Original poster

BlackbirdFirst · 03/10/2020 21:42

Yes it's only covid I really give a shit about, he is a nice guy actually.
He just jumped out and hugged me so I dont know how I could avoid that

OP posts:

Peanutbutteryogurt · 03/10/2020 21:42

It's not a non event! Someone working for you can't just randomly hug you! Totally inappropriate and completely bizarre. And 'not being able to help it' is just bloody creepy, a man just 'couldn't help' touching a woman. How on earth is that an non event?

And that's ignoring all the covid stuff too. Very odd indeed.

Original poster

BlackbirdFirst · 03/10/2020 21:51

He also said a while ago he could kiss my daughter to death for talking to him about butterflies. She is 8 and I sort of knew he meant it was adorable, but it sounded bad.

OP posts:

Frappuccinofan · 03/10/2020 21:52

I don’t think anyone should touch you without your consent and appreciate how this would make you feel uncomfortable, especially from the wrong person. However on the flip side I don’t know to which extent I would complain, if at all, as I don’t mind hugs from acquaintances and I’m not vulnerable to COVID. Don’t get me wrong, your feelings are valid though.

IncandescentSilver · 03/10/2020 21:55

Thats a bit wierd!

Popcornismandatory · 03/10/2020 21:56

Emma330912 · 03/10/2020 21:57

Can I ask how you know he lives in a tent op? I know it may be a big leap but the fact you said he was vulnerable, lives in a tent, highly emotional when he talks to you & is 'stick thin' makes me feel it could be a safe guarding issue? I know it's unlikely, but I've read somewhere of people using vulnerable people to work for them for nothing or next to that, has he said anything or has any other interaction given you cause for concern? Although I have had a rough week so probably overthinking this!

Grapefruitcauliflower · 03/10/2020 21:58

Not a “non event” at all! What a silly comment. This is really not OK, OP. It’s not your job to support his emotional needs; he’s your gardener! Even leaving aside the covid issue, he’s overstepped a professional boundary and I wouldn’t feel comfortable having him continue to work for me after that. I’d call the company, report what happened, and tell them to send a different gardener. He sounds creepy as fuck, and it makes me think of a very unpleasant and manipulative man I knew (also a gardener, weirdly... though obviously #notallgardeners) who hid behind a sort of “space cadet” persona and relied on women feeling sorry for him/not wanting to offend him.

Original poster

BlackbirdFirst · 03/10/2020 22:00

He told me he used to have his own business and a lovely flat and now lives in a tent with his dogs as he rejects being materialistic.
There are 5 others who work for the company who aren't like this at all. Pretty sure they all get paid and treated the same.

OP posts:

Grapefruitcauliflower · 03/10/2020 22:00

He also said a while ago he could kiss my daughter to death for talking to him about butterflies.

Just seen this! Always trust your instincts, OP.

StormzyInaDCup · 03/10/2020 22:00

@Popcornismandatory lose the biscuit. One makes you look like an idiot, imagine how the whole packet you posted reflects on you!

june2007 · 03/10/2020 22:00

So he is a regulkar gardener. It,s not really on perhaps next time you see him tell him that it made you uncomfortable and he may have just been having a joke but you felt it over stepped the mark.

QwertyGurty · 03/10/2020 22:02

@Emma330912 I agree with your concerns.

Iola4 · 03/10/2020 22:02

He's living in a tent? So homeless? You don't believe he is SEN but he has inappropriate mannerisms even when Covid isn't an issue?
I'm confused

PodgeBod · 03/10/2020 22:03

He also said a while ago he could kiss my daughter to death for talking to him about butterflies

This changes things a lot. Vulnerable ot not, i would let him go... just in case.

Iola4 · 03/10/2020 22:04

Definitely what Emma330912 said.

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