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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gardener hugged me

88 replies

BlackbirdFirst · 03/10/2020 20:58

I have two gardeners per fortnight and they kept coming through lockdown. They work for a company, who emailed all about covid precautions etc.

Yesterday, it was pissing it down the whole time. They were finished and having a biscuit in their van but I had to get my car past. So I went and knocked on window. One of them came out, soaked through and gave me an enormous bear hug.

All wet, smelled of biscuit and no mask. His mate in the van had a mask on and just shook his head.

First guy said "oh no, sorry I couldn't help it. I'm embarrassed now".

Hes quite a vulnerable man I think - he lives in a tent and is stick thin.

Not going to mention it to his boss, but ianbu am I to think this isn't on?

OP posts:
justgivein · 04/10/2020 10:20

I've been a self employed gardener for thirty years with work on estates and private customers.I like this forum because the gardening section is very informative,you can never stop learning about gardening.This is a complete no-no in my book.Although it's good to be friendly with customers and to establish trust not in a million years would I hug a customer.Just an idea maybe time to change firms or employ a well recommended self employed gardener.Maybe a couple more visits, say nothing, have a break being Autumn the work calms down anyway then look for another firm if need be if you have a huge garden.Hope this helps

Bikingbear · 04/10/2020 10:21

I wouldn't speak to his employer, you don't know the dynamics which could make things worse for him.

Where is his tent pitched, what address does he use for HMRC, is he getting proper pay slips, is he getting cash in hand?

I worked with a company who had an employee living in a caravan. It was entirely his choice, suited the company as he was 24hr security. We guessed he must have been rolling in cash, due to minimal living costs.
But he was fully paid via the books. And went for a few weeks holiday every year.

pollylocketpickedapocket · 04/10/2020 10:38

@Grapefruitcauliflower

Not a “non event” at all! What a silly comment. This is really not OK, OP. It’s not your job to support his emotional needs; he’s your gardener! Even leaving aside the covid issue, he’s overstepped a professional boundary and I wouldn’t feel comfortable having him continue to work for me after that. I’d call the company, report what happened, and tell them to send a different gardener. He sounds creepy as fuck, and it makes me think of a very unpleasant and manipulative man I knew (also a gardener, weirdly... though obviously #notallgardeners) who hid behind a sort of “space cadet” persona and relied on women feeling sorry for him/not wanting to offend him.
This! Especially what he said about your daughter, he'd be gone and I have never complained about anyone to their boss, ever!
Aridane · 04/10/2020 10:51

This thread is almost as demented as the one where a poster was anxious for her vulnerable mother as a squatter had taken up residency in her garden shed and ooor mother was frightened. And there the soup and sandwiches (and blanket) brigade were out in force. I dont remember though the general mocking if the OP and general nastiness to OP on this thread

trunumber · 04/10/2020 10:58

Aridane - I agree. I also don't believe very many suggesting it would be out caring for this man in the same situation!

ColleagueFromMars · 04/10/2020 11:18

@markzuckerbergsgreytshirt just stop. You're not coming across as anything other than sarcastic and unhelpful.

BameChange123 · 04/10/2020 12:15

If it was modern slavery i very much doubt the man would be talking to anyone and he wouldn't have a colleague, he would more likely have some sort of overseer to prevent him interacting with customers/ the general public. I doubt he would hug the client if they were male!

Suzi888 · 04/10/2020 12:53

Also what @Bikingbear said. Just had a huge investigation around here for that very thing.

Rubyupbeat · 04/10/2020 14:26

@Suzi888
Same around here, big case going on at mo.
Gardening, paving etc.....

Suzi888 · 04/10/2020 17:19

@Rubyupbeat it’s so sad. They were provided with free housing & food here, but used for work on a daily basis without payment. The people were drug and alcohol dependant. The people who used them as slaves had over £100k in cash on the premises.

Bikingbear · 04/10/2020 20:48

@BameChange123

If it was modern slavery i very much doubt the man would be talking to anyone and he wouldn't have a colleague, he would more likely have some sort of overseer to prevent him interacting with customers/ the general public. I doubt he would hug the client if they were male!
But remember the gangmaster can't exactly make it too obvious. The has to make it look like normal willing employees.
AmIACowBag · 04/10/2020 21:10

A vulnerable person living in a tent?? Is he not receiving housing support?

lunalulu · 05/10/2020 06:54

Look he's clearly mentally ill. His behaviour is not normal and crosses boundaries. He's formed an inappropriate attachment to you and sees you as his 'angel', just because you've been a bit kind.

He cannot judge properly - whether it's illness or drugs. So I'd find him scary just because he's not operating normally.

It's hard to speculate on his background but I'd be wary of calling the boss or singling him out. I'd change gardening firm or possibly try to have a discreet word with one if the others to get more info.

I'm not sure how you keep the form and stop him coming without talking to the boss, and without the danger of setting off the weird guy.

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