People who were bullied at school.

[WinchesForFinches]

AIBU not to be able to ever get over this.

I was bullied. I was an odd child and a very unhappy child too. If I think back to my primary school self I was just horrible ugly little fatty who didn’t fit in, I had temper issues and eventually this led to relentless bullying for the rest of the time I was at school. I was never happy, but when I left school life changed almost instantly. I do hate the memory of my child self though. I was pretty disgusting so I can’t blame the bullies really. I can’t stand to look at my childhood photos or belongings.

I just can’t get over it, I’ve never had issues being bullied since leaving but it still haunts me to this day. Most of the time I’m totally fine but every so often it comes back to haunt me and I have flash backs and meltdowns. Especially when I see old bullies around on social media, it have to go back to my home town.

Does anyone else suffer this? How to you cope?

Having a bad day today.

I was told it was my fault by my teachers and my mother. I think growing up with that actually turns you into a victim. You expect to be bullied so you kind of invite it. Even though you know it's wrong you think it's normal.

I'm sorry to hear of all the bullying up-thread, hugs to you all.

I was bullied at secondary school by one particular boy. He was vile (about my physical appearance) in the classes we had together. No one stuck up for me and (in that class), I had no allies. I internalised it all. I then got a job when I left school and was bullied by a manager which I stick out for a year then left to go to college. Again, no one stuck up for me. I think the manager thought it was banter, at my expense.

I feel between 14-19, I was paranoid about my appearance thanks to these x 2. I had little self confidence & hated bumping into anyone from secondary school.

Fast forward 30 years, I still think about the bullies, and how they made me feel way back. I'll never forget the my face flushing like beetroot, feeling sweaty, wanting the floor to swallow me up, not feeling able to reply, stand up for myself, no one to go to (anti-bullying policy def wasn't something that existed then, no metal health awareness).

I would like to write them both a letter telling them how they made me feel & how hurtful it was. It's a haunting feeling that'll never leave me & stilted my teenage years.

I'm sorry to all affected by bullying at the time and the aftermath.

I think schools hugely underestimate the long term effects of bullying, and don't understand why they don't deal with it more effectively.

The most difficult thing for me has been that being bullied left me with a sense that there's something about me that must be inherently unlikeable
I still feel like this at 40. I’ve never had any friends. I’ve been repeatedly excluded by adults so it’s not just a school kid thing, there’s obviously something inherently wrong with me. I’ve been told I’m awkward and make others feel awkward. I don’t try to make friends now, I keep myself to myself. Bullying does cause lifelong PTSD - a sound similar to my school alarm clock makes me have a panic attack, and I’m still afraid of groups of teenagers or people in tracksuits.

@WinchesForFinches
I'm 40 and was bullied too

It stays with me so I know Exactly how you're feeling. I learnt how to develop coping mechanisms but now I have 2 children now and I'm now terrified they'll be bullied in the same way.

I tried to park it but since having my children and seeing them with other kids (not so much at the moment) I feel all those emotions again when other kids aren't nice to mine 🤦🏻‍♀️

Getting a doctors appointment is near on impossible here they've reverted to an app called "ask my gp" and it basically just fobs you off rather than getting an appointment and is a total nightmare

Thankfully I don't feel too bad at the moment but am considering counselling if I can get past the app just suggested a prescription for anti depressants!!

Sorry OP. It’s awful isn’t it.

I was bullied badly from age 11 to 16 and had years of psychotherapy to put it behind me.

Bullies are usually unhappy people with anger issues so their glittering careers and beauty may not mean they’re happy.

I was bullied in primary school my mum made me realise it was them not me that had the problem so this and seeing the school counsellor meant by the time I finished high school I left it behind and got on with my life, I now keep an eye on my high school son to look for signs of him being bullied or being a bully and none yet

The 'sticks and stones' phrase holds no weight or truth and used to be voiced all the time in my youth (amongst adults, saying this was what you had to remember). Names really do harm you.

That and the non-existent pastoral care meant that many bullying incidents just went on and on with no way of helping the victim.

Just reading this thread has helped me realise the real life experiences you posters had voiced.

Thanks to all for sharing.

@Ginfordinner

I think schools hugely underestimate the long term effects of bullying, and don't understand why they don't deal with it more effectively.

Schools/teachers generally really don't give a toss about pupils once they've left. They only care about who's sat in front of them on the day.

But how can they possibly manage keeping up with kids that have left plus the ones still at school there is only so many hours in the day also if they are using resources for kids that have left then there will be even less for the current kids

With me it was a so called game that was played in the playground and when we were lining up in which kids would tap you to pass on the "lurgy" and when I got tapped I didn't pass it on so I became IT and kids wouldn't stand near me or touch me in case they got the lurgy. I let this go on for ages and just blocked it out in my head.

I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me or if I smelt. Every school report said I lacked confidence but no-one ever questioned it or did anything to help boost my confidence. Like others have said, it stays with you never far from the surface.

I've come across people from my class at school on Facebook and have considered asking them about why they did it or telling them about it's impact on me but part of me thinks they were just kids like me. I also think that by being happy and successful in my life it kind of cancels it out

I was emotionally bullied for about 11 years my family as well, when I met dh he encouraged me to be me and to hell with the world, today I’ve tattoos of my favourite things, live in t shirts and happy, yes I have bad days but they are hormonal not the bullies.

@seayork2020

But how can they possibly manage keeping up with kids that have left plus the ones still at school there is only so many hours in the day also if they are using resources for kids that have left then there will be even less for the current kids

You misunderstand. I'm not saying they should keep up with pupils who have left. I'm saying they're only interested in their pupils whilst at school and not interested in preparing them for life afterwards.

Sorry user### etc. Yes I get you now

I hate the thought of anyone going through bullying. I was bullied at school too, I was also really unhappy as I was too shy and crap at socialising. It took me a very long time to get over it and become happy with myself. I think giving therapy a go would be good, especially EMDR as it is supposed to help take away the pain of bad memories. (trauma therapy)

I feel like if my daughter was getting bullied every day I would just pull her out of school. I didn't tell anyone when I was a kid. Emotions weren't really talked about nor problems. I want her to be able to tell me anything and it get sorted out. People say school days are the best of your life but they weren't for me, Im far happier now and am in my 30s.

Bullying at school has impacted my whole life. I find it very difficult to make friends. I don’t trust anyone. I’m having therapy