Teacher pulling child

[ThatParent2020]

Oh god, I really don't know whether I'm being a twat or not. And I really don't want to be that parent, but I'm new to all this (today was only my sons second full day at school).

When picking our children up from school, we queue up and the teacher calls the child's name to come out of the class room. There was one other parent walking up just ahead of me so the teacher called both her child and mine at the same time. My son came out of the classroom first so his teacher grabbed him by the collar of his coat and pulled him out of the way, presumably so the other child could go to his mum who was first in the queue. My issue is, she really yanked him. Is this normal? Are they allowed to do it? If not, what do I do?

For context, my son didn't seem bothered at all. He's not mentioned it. It's all me being upset so I'm happy to be told to ignore it. Also, up until this point the teacher has been lovely, albeit stressed at drop offs and pick ups.

I've attached a shite drawing to illustrate the situation a bit better. Other family are green spots. We are red spots. Teacher is black spot. The pathway is one way.

That is not on at all, even if she did it with the best of intentions. I would mention it to the teacher if you feel brave enough, if not, talk to the head as sounds like the teacher needs a gentle reminder about appropriate behavior.

If the child is not bothered, and she has previously been lovely leave it. It probably looked worse than it was.

I think she had to react very quickly so that your DS didn't go near the other family. Not great but at least he was ok.

What age is your son?

Not that it matters but has he been told that he has to wait his turn?

If your ds is not bothered I would leave it.

Thank you. I really don't want her to do it again but I also don't want to cause a fuss and sour relations a month in!

He wasn't particularly close to the other family but was making his way to me. She could have just asked him to stop or put her arm out. She didn't have to pull him like she did.

I would be cross inside but would Let it go
I would keep an eye out for other stuff

Not ok. Why on earth didn’t you say “please don’t yank my child” aid they don’t want them accidentally going near other families then they need to release one at a time.

@howtobe

What age is your son?

Not that it matters but has he been told that he has to wait his turn?

He's four. He's just started school and only just started going for a full day. His teacher had called him to come to the door. He was doing what he'd been told, he just got to the door before the child whose parent was first in the queue.

@Yesmate

Not ok. Why on earth didn’t you say “please don’t yank my child” aid they don’t want them accidentally going near other families then they need to release one at a time.

I really don't know. I didn't want to cause a scene in front of other parents but I have said to my husband I will if I ever see it again.

I did stand there for a few moments thinking "what the fuck just happened?!" and considered going back but you're not allowed near the teachers and you can't talk to them. I'd have to email.

Not ok. Not at all ok. I think I would raise it in a nice way as that needs to not happen again. He’s 4 and just going whats he’s told.

*Just doing

I would have calmly asked what she would've done had the other child pulled your son by the collar?

This is really not ok. I’m not surprised you didn’t react at the time, it’s shock, you kind of can’t believe what’s just happened and need a moment to process it.
I would phone the school in the morning.

Sorry, email.

I mean, we can see why she did it, and it's probably even more difficult at home time now that there's distancing supposed to be going on, so she wants the child out first who's parent is closest to the door. But that doesn't mean she could yank him. A simple 'Could you let x out first sweetheart?' would have been just fine.

If your son is okay I wouldn't worry too much, but it might be worth mentioning to the teacher or headteacher.

It's one of those things that was incredibly commonplace when I was his age 25 years ago, but isn't really acceptable anymore. Sometimes teachers need a bit of a nudge to get up to speed.

I think next time teach your child not to run out the door when the teachers are trying to control access for their safety. If you raise a complaint, you run the risk that next time teachers may not bother with physical restraint and he may well go off with a stranger.

It sounds like she was trying to make sure he and the others were safe. Personally I do think you are making a fuss about nothing, but this is mumsnet and people get het up about bizarre things. If he didn't really notice he wasn't hurt in any way. A child running off can be very dangerous at any time but with covid and the current rules schools are having to put in space for drop off/pick up it sounds like she was protecting him rather than anything else.

@GrumpyHoonMain

I think next time teach your child not to run out the door when the teachers are trying to control access for their safety. If you raise a complaint, you run the risk that next time teachers may not bother with physical restraint and he may well go off with a stranger.

What rot 🤣🤣🤣

If it was one time, I would assume she pulled with more force than she planned. I know I have reached out on instinct and put more oomph into something than was strictly necessary.

'Could you let x out first sweetheart?' would not work on my child if she was already running off, nor.on many four year olds I know. I would much prefer her to be kept safe than worry about a quick pull out of the way.

No she shouldn’t have grabbed him by the collar, is she a new teacher? If you weren’t able to say anything at the time I’d personally leave it unless it happens again.

Every time I read one of these threads I think "this is why children today are unable to cope with any kind of adversity." The teacher has always previously been good, your son doesn't care, why are you making a big deal out of it? All you are teaching your son is that when any small issue happens make a massive deal of of it, rather than just getting on with your life.

Is wondering whether you should have said something making a ‘massive deal’ of something though??

OP is asking whether she should email the school and raise it. The moment has passed, move on.