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Original poster

Teacher pulling child

80 replies

ThatParent2020 · 01/10/2020 17:18

Oh god, I really don't know whether I'm being a twat or not. And I really don't want to be that parent, but I'm new to all this (today was only my sons second full day at school).

When picking our children up from school, we queue up and the teacher calls the child's name to come out of the class room. There was one other parent walking up just ahead of me so the teacher called both her child and mine at the same time. My son came out of the classroom first so his teacher grabbed him by the collar of his coat and pulled him out of the way, presumably so the other child could go to his mum who was first in the queue. My issue is, she really yanked him. Is this normal? Are they allowed to do it? If not, what do I do?

For context, my son didn't seem bothered at all. He's not mentioned it. It's all me being upset so I'm happy to be told to ignore it. Also, up until this point the teacher has been lovely, albeit stressed at drop offs and pick ups.

I've attached a shite drawing to illustrate the situation a bit better. Other family are green spots. We are red spots. Teacher is black spot. The pathway is one way.

Teacher pulling child
OP posts:
FunDragon · 01/10/2020 20:03

I think next time teach your child not to run out the door when the teachers are trying to control access for their safety. If you raise a complaint, you run the risk that next time teachers may not bother with physical restraint and he may well go off with a stranger.

OP’s son did exactly as he was told.

And I’m not a teacher, but let’s give teachers a little credit. I think there’s a happy medium between yanking them back by the collar and letting them get into a stranger’s van and I don’t think they’ll do the latter if asked not to do the former.

OP it’s a difficult one. I definitely see why you’re unhappy about it but as it’s only his second day, he’s not unhappy and you like the teacher so far, I’m not sure I would raise it in your position.

ForeverBubblegum · 01/10/2020 20:04

I don't think anyone's suggesting you DS was running away or misbehaving. The problem the teacher was trying to prevent is your DS would pass close to the other family to get to you. The initial fault was that the teacher called 2 kids at once, probably by habit as in previous years it would have been fine to let them out together. She probably realised her mistake to late, then reacted without thinking.

Russell19 · 01/10/2020 20:06

@Smileyaxolotl1 yes I am. They stand on a playground 2m away from each other but not necessarily in a line. Even if they were in a line why does it matter if 2nd in line's child goes to them first?

ForeverBubblegum · 01/10/2020 20:06

Ok just read that some pp are suggesting your kid was running. Chance that to I'm not suggesting...

Original poster
ThatParent2020 · 01/10/2020 20:11

Honestly, a lot of these posts have helped because my husband and I are laughing our heads off, so I feel happier in general. I do love the contrast you get on Mumsnet.

We aren't going to raise it but we will be alert for anything similar.

OP posts:
stardance · 01/10/2020 20:26

She shouldn't have called two children at once, there was always a chance they'd get to the door in the 'wrong order'. I wonder if perhaps she realised your son was heading off in front of the other lad after he had walked past her, and she just grabbed his collar without thinking. Not ideal, but hopefully she doesn't make a habit of it. I'd probably keep a close eye on how she handles pick ups from now on.

Although I've had situations in the past with DS when he was at primary school where I've just left it, and later (when more things occurred) I wished I'd done something.

Ratbum · 01/10/2020 20:28

He's four. The teacher is responsible 100% at this point. Would I be ok with it? On balance, no.
I'd probably send an email, cc'ing the head. Sounds as though she needs more help to let the children out in accordance with school covid policy. Whilst one child might not say anything about it, it doesn't mean that he's unaffected, or that other children watching have been unaffected.

ineedaholidaynow · 01/10/2020 20:37

The amount of times I would grab my son's hood when he was heading in the wrong direction and end up with the detachable hood in my hand and DS carrying on in the wrong direction!

If your DS wasn't bothered it probably looked worse than it was.

Glitterynails · 01/10/2020 20:49

I’m a teacher and I think a complaint email would be an overreaction BUT I wouldn’t like the thought of a parent being unhappy and unable to raise it. You could approach it from the direction of “Dear Miss X, I was concerned when Little A had to be stopped at the door by the collar of his coat. Please can you tell me how pick up should work so that I can speak to him and ensure he knows what to do to prevent this from happening again.” It’s enough to make the teacher stop and think without making yourself ‘that’ parent.

shalhoub · 01/10/2020 20:52

I wouldn't be arsed tbh.

Newmumatlast · 01/10/2020 20:53

@howtobe

What age is your son?

Not that it matters but has he been told that he has to wait his turn?

To be fair, from the OP both children's names were called at the same time so I am not sure this can be blamed on her child not waiting their turn.
Newmumatlast · 01/10/2020 20:53

@Glitterynails

I’m a teacher and I think a complaint email would be an overreaction BUT I wouldn’t like the thought of a parent being unhappy and unable to raise it. You could approach it from the direction of “Dear Miss X, I was concerned when Little A had to be stopped at the door by the collar of his coat. Please can you tell me how pick up should work so that I can speak to him and ensure he knows what to do to prevent this from happening again.” It’s enough to make the teacher stop and think without making yourself ‘that’ parent.
Agree with this and the teacher can only appreciate that you came directly to them rather than making it formal
Katjolo · 01/10/2020 20:57

Not worth thinking of 😒

MayIJustAsk · 01/10/2020 21:01

Oh OP I'd be fuming. in primary my sons class had a TA who at pickup was going mental screaming at the kids to the point one of the parents waiting outside knocked on the door to see what the fuck was going on. Her father had passed away and she was having a breakdown but stayed at school and was vile to the kids.

KnightsofColumbusThatHurt · 01/10/2020 21:01

If your DS wasn't bothered I would just leave it and maybe just keep an eye out in future.

Rosebel · 01/10/2020 21:14

I think you're overreacting. If she had hurt him or scared him you'd know about it.
It's a safety thing. Not great but she's trying to keep all the children safe and away from other families, plus it's all new to her too. Cut her a bit of slack.
You said she seems nice and it wasn't like she dragged him by his arm, she just pulled on his collar.

Original poster
ThatParent2020 · 01/10/2020 21:16

Please explain how I'm overreacting.

Genuinely curious because I've not actually done anything. I didn't say anything then and I've not contacted the school since...

OP posts:
ReceptionTA · 01/10/2020 21:18

I let children out at the end of the day in very similar circumstances. Letting children out of the classroom is a lot harder than it looks, which is why teachers are always happy for me to do it Grin At the moment, when we are trying to avoid a build up of parents due to Covid, it's somewhat of an art.

There is no way I couldn't call 2 children at once at the moment - some children don't respond until they have been called 6 times, others race over immediately. Meanwhile another is crying because they think their parents have forgotten to collect them, or they don't want to go to age school club. Another suddenly can't find his water bottle he was holding two seconds ago and another has opened her lunch bis to eat the remains of their lunch. And then another child has picked a scab and needs a plaster. All at the same time. Dealing with that is actually easier than identifying parents in masks and making sure you catch the ones you need to speak to.

Having said that the teacher shouldn't have pulled the child by his collar. I would never do that. I would put a hand either side of their shoulder and ask them to move, or put one arm out in a curve, to stop them running off.

Teachers make 1000 spit decisions every day. This one wasn't the greatest, but if your child wasn't bothered I'd let it go. Save your complaints for when your child is bothered about something , or you won't be taken seriously.

Original poster
ThatParent2020 · 01/10/2020 21:20

Again, have stated I wasn't ever goi g to complain...

OP posts:
tigger001 · 01/10/2020 21:25

It is strange times and it must be hard for the teachers and TAs to try and ensure everyone's safety and follow guidelines, but that's just not on. She should have asked him to stop or not called 2 names together. She was in the wrong and should apologise to your child.

I probably wouldn't ask her to apologise on this ocassion, as I wouldn't want to rock the boat so early on in had school life, but I would watch her and calmly say it's not really acceptable to drag at your child as you don't condone him doing it to others.

Rosebel · 01/10/2020 21:32

You are overreacting to think you need to do anything. You did say is it normal and what should I do
Well nothing because the teacher was just trying to keep your child safe.

Original poster
ThatParent2020 · 01/10/2020 21:36

@Rosebel

You are overreacting to think you need to do anything. You did say is it normal and what should I do Well nothing because the teacher was just trying to keep your child safe.
I don't think I need to do anything. I'm asking if I do.

And I've said I'm not. So again, I'm not reacting. 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Russiansilver · 01/10/2020 21:43

I start getting worried about handing the reception children back to their parents as soon the afternoon starts. It's a nightmare job. At this stage of the term I still dont know all the various " collectors". The parents have to stand apart so some are quite far away. Some of the children come forward before they are called. Others are effectively stuck to the carpet. There are lost coats and book bags even though the children were all hanging onto them two minutes before. Unless you've had to do it you can not imagine just how hard it is. My fear is a child will slip behind me and get onto the playground without me seeing them. I'm not new to this I've been a teacher for over 30 years. It gets easier as the year goes on but the first few weeks are really challenging. All we are trying to do is to keep the children safe. Oh and the parents loudly sighing and looking at you daggers drawn because you havent called their child first dont help. Dismissing 30 children takes time.
Cut her some slack !

Heartofglass12345 · 01/10/2020 21:44

I wouldn't have been happy either. My son is 4 and the teachers are massive compared to him. He most definitely would've said something if his teacher had done that too lol. I probably wouldn't say anything this time but keep an eye for any other incidents.
Why would it matter if he walked past another parent anyway, kids don't have to socially distance do they? They're in class with other kids all day

Smileyaxolotl1 · 01/10/2020 22:49

russell19
Sounds very poorly organised tbh. (Obviously fine before Covid)
Everywhere round here has one way systems. Line up in single file Collect child when you get to the front. Go out a different exit. In your scenario I find it hard to believe that kids and parents aren’t getting close together and kids aren’t brushing past other sets of parents when they go out to them.
(I don’t personally care but with all sorts of restrictions in place it seems weird when schools aren’t taking proper precautions)

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