Teacher pulling child

[ThatParent2020]

Oh god, I really don't know whether I'm being a twat or not. And I really don't want to be that parent, but I'm new to all this (today was only my sons second full day at school).

When picking our children up from school, we queue up and the teacher calls the child's name to come out of the class room. There was one other parent walking up just ahead of me so the teacher called both her child and mine at the same time. My son came out of the classroom first so his teacher grabbed him by the collar of his coat and pulled him out of the way, presumably so the other child could go to his mum who was first in the queue. My issue is, she really yanked him. Is this normal? Are they allowed to do it? If not, what do I do?

For context, my son didn't seem bothered at all. He's not mentioned it. It's all me being upset so I'm happy to be told to ignore it. Also, up until this point the teacher has been lovely, albeit stressed at drop offs and pick ups.

I've attached a shite drawing to illustrate the situation a bit better. Other family are green spots. We are red spots. Teacher is black spot. The pathway is one way.

Yes asking whether to and most people have said on balance no, asking for opinions before jumping in with two feet is the opposite of making a massive deal in my opinion.

My children were regularly restrained and redirected by a grab at their clothes. Sometimes you can't speak fast enough to catch their attention. Dungaree Straps and dufflecoat hoods are great for the job.

No I wouldn't be happy and yes I would calmly raise it. Bothered or not, don't call both children at once then yank him by his collar.
You don't need to go in all guns blazing but you can mention that you were dissatisfied politely.

No, they're not supposed to. However, in my experience it's very common among TAs and teachers in the EYFS.

More common with the TAs than the teachers, to be fair.

I wouldn't raise it. She used her judgement and nobody came to any harm.

I would change my perspective if she had appeared very angry or agitated.

If it was done in anger that shows poor impulse control and therefore not trustworthy. If it was done in concern it shows consideration for safety.

She could easily have stopped him with words or, failing that, a gentle hand in front of him to block him going. No reason at all to pull him by anything. You can't even blame it on her panicking because it's not the natural thing you'd do. You'd grab an arm or something.

I'd be getting in touch with school.

Sounds like you have a sensible perspective on this - coming on hre and asking for opinions.

I'm 13 years into kids going to schools - so I realise this is not something that would happen to me now - but the perspective that gives me is really not to focus on the smaller stuff?

It doesn't sound like it was that bad and your ds was ok so... I would leave it?

Everyone's just getting used to the new rules - am sure it will all be ok

Email the school to say you don't want your child restrained by pulling on their collar again. Don't offer any reasons why you think this teacher acted in that way. It's just not an acceptable or normal thing for someone in childcare to do.

I can understand why it would be jarring to see something like that, but I imagine teachers are under a lot of pressure at the moment and she just knew that she had to stop your son and taking hold his coat was the quickest way. Your son wasn't hurt and he doesn't seem bothered, so it it was me, I would let it go.

Is it possible she was aiming to put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, but he was further forward then she thought, so she just panicked and grabbed. That doesn't make it ok, but I can kind of see how it might happen. I imagine she is under a lot of pressure to make sure the kids follow distancing guidelines, which at 4 is an almost impossible task.

Sounds reactive and not intentional. Doubt she is generally yanking kids by the collar. If it happens again question their decision to call 2 kids at the same as that seems to be the issue.

I have a child the same age and probably would have felt unhappy too, but it really sounds like it was a quick split second decision where she panicked because social distancing was about to be breached and she reacted wrongly but I don’t think it warrants a complaint. I’ve grabbed my child’s hood before when I’ve needed to stop them and they’ve survived! I doubt it’s a routine thing and I don’t think it warrants a complaint personally.

Keeping an eye on potentially 30+ Small children and making sure each one goes to the right family, whilst all the others are safe and doing what they have been asked is not as easy as it sounds even at the best of times, which these are not.
If DS is happy and unaffected I’d be inclined to let it slide but monitor the situation. It sounded like she reacted in a bid to keep the children apart.
Regardless of how Sensitively you broach it, it will more than likely impact on the home school relationship for the rest of the year. It wouldn’t be fair on ds, you or the member of staff.

He didn't run off; he was called out by the teacher and walked out of the door towards me just like he's supposed to. He wasn't running. I'm not sure why you've invented that he was.

My son would have stopped if he'd been asked.

Not a new teacher. I know she taught my neighbours daughter and the daughter is now in her 20s.

I'm not asking if I should email. I'm asking what I should do. That includes calling, emailing or leaving it. I'm not even remotely making a big deal out of it. I'm posting on a forum for the insight of more experienced parents. He's my only child and it's his second full day at school - I'm brand new to this!

She wasn't angry but she does seem extremely stressed out which I 100% understand. But that doesn't excuse her pulling him the way she did. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing because I don't want to cause friction so I think I'll leave it this time but be watchful for it happening (to any child) again. My son is really small for his age so maybe she was more forceful that expected because she's used to kids being a bit more robust? I don't know. I'm making excuses for her now!

Also, I wasn't ever going to complain or go to the head. I would have just emailed her explaining what I saw and expressing my unhappiness.

There are a few harsh replies here but you've got to remember he's my little boy and it really isn't nice to see someone grab him. I want him to be happy at school and I want to feel confident that he's in good hands when he's not with me.

These poor teachers! They are human. They get stressed. They are not always calm and considerate. They do not have time to analyze every action they take. Sometimes they act in haste, as we all do. I suggest you just forget about it. It was a non event.

Yanbu.
Tell your DC to wait by teacher's side until she gives him the nod to go.
It wasn't right but I'd let it go as it was more than likely a reaction.

I don’t understand why people are using examples of how they’ve grabbed or pulled their own child in a moment of stress. It’s not the same thing.

I'm confused why she didn't just let your son our first....he obviously knew who to go to. I'm a reception teacher and have only recently been made aware that apparently parents think whoever arrived to collect their child first should leave first.....i just call whichever children's parents I see first and they all just go and find their adult as I'm watching. I must be reckless.

YANBU to feel the way you do, OP. He’s only four and has just stated school! I would feel the same. It was unnecessary and grabbing a child at the back of the neck is not something I’d expect from a teacher.

Unless there was a chance to say something then and there, I don’t think I would follow up this time but I would definitely be alert to similar incidents.

How many times do I need to say that she'd called him forward? She had given him the "nod" to go out as she'd told him to come out!

These poor teachers! They are human. They get stressed. They are not always calm and considerate. They do not have time to analyze every action they take. Sometimes they act in haste, as we all do. I suggest you just forget about it. It was a non event.

Getting stressed is not an acceptable reason to pull a four year old by their collar. It's just not. And you're the only one who saying it's a "non event". I'm pretty sure you'd be pissed if someone two/three times your size grabbed you.

OP a polite email wouldn’t go a miss and you will undoubtedly feel better. This has upset you and that’s ok.
They need to release them one at a time.

russell 19
So are the parents in your school in a big group?
Are you not in the UK?
That used to be the case but all schools in my area have a queue for child collection due to Covid. So it would definitely happen as the OP suggested.

Not necessarily saying that the OP is wrong to be annoyed but the ridiculous suggestions of asking him to stop or getting in front of him just wouldn’t work with a child already heading by and out of the door. The only way to prevent a child leaving is to grab them back. It does seem unecessary here though.

I think you are over reacting to this.

@lockeddownandcrazy

I think you are over reacting to this.

I've literally not reacted... I've asked advice on how to react