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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever allowed a DC to miss a bus because they are lazy / don't get themselves us

102 replies

MsKeats · 30/09/2020 21:29

One of my DC is a sleeper. Every morning I wake them up at least twice and there is a fair bit of shouting. Once up -fine. They have an alarm clock but sleep through it -it drives me insane. So I have to pull the duvet off and put them lights on etc

Mean Mum that I am -I'm seriously considering going without them one morning. (Old enough to be left home) and knowing them as I do -they will be crapping themselves and totally unable to get to school as the school is well over an hour by bus and the bus stop is a 45 minute car drive away-I would phone the school and explain that after 3 years of screaming at them every morning I'm taking a stand. They wouldn't wake up at all if I did this and would sleep through us getting up and going. Monday morning is a good possibility.

At the moment, I'm just thinking about it, as a short sharp shock -to pull their finger out. Else aged 20 I'm still going to be waking them up. I haven't decided I will.

Has anyone ever done it? Did it work?

OP posts:
Melawati · 30/09/2020 21:35

Short answer, yes of course let them miss the bus. Natural consequences.
Assuming no SEN that makes this extra hard for them to manage.
It’s part of learning and becoming independent.
Just warn them first that you are not going to wake them up/only going to remind them once or whatever it is that you decide, then do it.

NandosPeriometer · 30/09/2020 21:38

I would do this.
How will he go to uni or have a job if he can't (won't?) get up. It's up to him to learn to go to bed earlier or think of things that will wake him up if the alarm isn't loud enough.

Feelingconfused2020 · 30/09/2020 21:44

I was the sleeper in our house and I can remember having to walk 15 mins to train station get a 30 min train then 30 min walk to school if I missed the bus. My mum did wake me but then had to go to work so if I wasn't ready I wasn't ready.

I don't think there's any harm in letting them deal with the consequences of that, it was a right pain getting the train to school for me. I'm never late for work now so maybe I learnt something. although I was late for most of my uni lectures so it was clearly a very slow lesson-

SnackSizeRaisin · 30/09/2020 21:44

I think you would be doing them a favour to leave them to it. Assuming they are year 10 if you've done this for the last 3 years, they will probably be much happier left to get on with it (after the shock of the first time!). If you don't let them learn this now they will have to do it as an adult meaning lateness for work. I speak from experience. Plus you will make your own life easier.

RedCatBlueCat · 30/09/2020 21:49

Yes, I'd do it, but I'd warn them that the rules were changing. So, tomorrow, tell them this is the last time you are chasing them out of the house.
As of Monday, you will wake them at 7am, and be leaving in the car at 8.10. If they want a lift, they need to be ready.

MostlyHappyMummy · 30/09/2020 21:54

Bus stop is a 45 minute drive away and then an hour on the bus?!?!?!?
I wouldn’t do that for a job let alone school

pjmask · 30/09/2020 22:17

Could the extremely long day (4 hours of commuting on top of a normal school day) have something to do with how tired they are?

Porcupineinwaiting · 30/09/2020 22:33

They are commuting for 4 hours a day? Shock No wonder they are knackered.

ViciousJackdaw · 30/09/2020 22:38

As of Monday, you will wake them at 7am, and be leaving in the car at 8.10. If they want a lift, they need to be ready

The school is two hours away, it's more like getting up at 6.15 to leave the house at 7am, possibly even earlier than that.

Why do they go to a school so far away? 4 hours commuting per day is too much to expect from an adult, let alone a child who needs their sleep.

Emeraldshamrock · 30/09/2020 22:41

No but I definitely would in your situation if they've always been like that it would teach them a life lesson.
My two drive me insane the way they delay waking up on a school morning.
I'm awake earlier than I need to be to constantly calling them especially DD yet she has no issue waking at 7am on the weekend. Angry

CitizenFame · 30/09/2020 22:51

Obviously all kids are different, but if I was reliant on a lift and discovered my parent had done this, at that age I would have shrugged, rolled over and went back to sleep. I would certainly not be panicking about not going to school that day, nor would I have given it a second thought.

I sympathise, but if the bus stop itself is a forty five minute car journey away, there’s no way they’re getting to school by themselves. Two hours each way is ridiculous. Add homework, dinner etc on top, they must be knackered.

TenShortStories · 30/09/2020 22:52

Do it, but with a warning that it's happening, otherwise it's a bit harsh! And make sure your tone is nice and not an end-of-your-tether "Right, that's it, I'm done with waking you up".

I'd go for more of a "We need a quick chat about how reliant you are on me for getting to school on time. I won't be waking you up in the mornings as of next week, let me know if you have any problems with your alarm not being loud enough, we can get you a new one if needed."

ILovesPeanuts · 30/09/2020 22:56

How old? Teenager, fair enough but give a warning or it's not fair.

Leaannb · 30/09/2020 22:56

I've done it. My children don't use public transport. I drive them to school. One day kid refused to get up and get going. I told him I was leaving in 15 minutes. He jumped into the shower. I left and took the other kids to school and went to work. He missed an exam that was not able to be made up. He ended up having to repeat the whole course. Natural Consequences can be tough

NiceTwin · 01/10/2020 06:44

1 and three quarter hours to school and I assume back.
That is one hell of a long day, I am not surprised they can't get up.

I have done it with mine when she didn't get up, i did take her the 40mins to school though. She's only done it once!

RepeatSwan · 01/10/2020 06:48

@RedCatBlueCat

Yes, I'd do it, but I'd warn them that the rules were changing. So, tomorrow, tell them this is the last time you are chasing them out of the house. As of Monday, you will wake them at 7am, and be leaving in the car at 8.10. If they want a lift, they need to be ready.
This is what I'd do too.
MarthasGinYard · 01/10/2020 06:51

1hr 45 to school

Feel quit sorry for them they must have to get up mighty early Shock

PamDemic · 01/10/2020 06:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wavey123 · 01/10/2020 07:18

I think it sounds easier to move to a closer school than having this everyday, it sounds horrendous for all involved and I’d stay in bed as long as possible too.

MarthasGinYard · 01/10/2020 07:19

Maybe a typo?

An hour bus journey

Or 45 mins by car

Whatwouldscullydo · 01/10/2020 07:21

I was all set to say you would he justified but then I read that they have an hours bus journey after a 45 min drive to the bus stop

That's insane.

There use be somewhere nearer

DrWAnker · 01/10/2020 07:25

I would urge caution though because they may then well make a habit of it in the knowledge they get to bunk off.
There's no point in trying to pull off that commute for a few hours.

DrWAnker · 01/10/2020 07:26

But I have done it with my 12yo, however it's a 15min bus ride.

vanillandhoney · 01/10/2020 07:27

Why on earth do they have such a ridiculous journey to school?

No wonder they're tired! I wouldn't do that as an adult, let alone expect a teen to do it!

HattonsMustard · 01/10/2020 07:28

The problem with this is that there is no way they can get there by themselves due to the sheer distance. So I cannot see how this will work.

They are much more likely to stay in bed/at home than go to school. You will be answerable to school, not them. It is you they will ring.

The only thing you can do is to ensure they wake up in the morning is to ensure they get enough sleep. Then lay down a new set of rules about how mornings will be dealt with from now on and what you are willing to do. There needs to be consequences put in place for failing to adhere to this new routine, ie phone/internet/gaming/tv whatever their currency is.

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