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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have you ever allowed a DC to miss a bus because they are lazy / don't get themselves us

102 replies

MsKeats · 30/09/2020 21:29

One of my DC is a sleeper. Every morning I wake them up at least twice and there is a fair bit of shouting. Once up -fine. They have an alarm clock but sleep through it -it drives me insane. So I have to pull the duvet off and put them lights on etc

Mean Mum that I am -I'm seriously considering going without them one morning. (Old enough to be left home) and knowing them as I do -they will be crapping themselves and totally unable to get to school as the school is well over an hour by bus and the bus stop is a 45 minute car drive away-I would phone the school and explain that after 3 years of screaming at them every morning I'm taking a stand. They wouldn't wake up at all if I did this and would sleep through us getting up and going. Monday morning is a good possibility.

At the moment, I'm just thinking about it, as a short sharp shock -to pull their finger out. Else aged 20 I'm still going to be waking them up. I haven't decided I will.

Has anyone ever done it? Did it work?

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/10/2020 07:36

If it really is a 45 min drive to the bus stop I would not leave them I’d they didn’t get up because there’s no way for them to get to school without you. That’s not acceptable. If it was a matter of it meaning them arriving 30 - 60 minutes late a few times getting punished at school and then getting the hang of it I’d agree, but I think missing whole days of school is different.

I think if you’ve chosen that sort of living/schooling arrangement you’re going to have to take more of the strain than you might otherwise. A nearly 4 hour commute for school kids is a bit insane and I agree with others that it may be a part of the cause of the over sleeping.

It’s also important to remember that teens are physically geared to be later risers than adults and more likely to sleep through alarms etc. It is something that (to some extent) simply changes with age. If they are otherwise good about time keeping I wouldn’t be too worried at this stage about forcing them to get good at rising on their own. It isn’t simply something they have to learn - developmentally they aren’t really ready yet.

ExplodingCarrots · 01/10/2020 07:36

Please do it so he can learn a valuable lesson. MIL is still doing this with BIL every single morning ...he's 36!

HasaDigaEebowai · 01/10/2020 07:38

No because they're not missing school and it would simply mean I had to drive them. I'd get them up super early and that would be more of a lesson.

But if your child genuinely has a 1 hour 45 minute journey to school then its not their fault they're exhausted.

Stompythedinosaur · 01/10/2020 07:43

Is the plan that they'll miss school on the days they don't get up? I think id be worried thats not much of an incentive to do it.

Time2change2 · 01/10/2020 07:54

OP please come on and tell me that it’s not a 1 hour 45 mins commute each way to the school? Was it a typo?

LannieDuck · 01/10/2020 07:56

If you decide to do it, do warn them that you’re changing your approach from Monday (or whenever).

SabrinaThwaite · 01/10/2020 07:59

From OP’s other threads, that nearly 2 hour commute is not a typo, so out of the house by 6.45am and not home until 6pm is quite likely. Must be bloody hard to do any after school activities or anything with school friends.

Yeah, I’d move house.

Mellonsprite · 01/10/2020 08:03

Be careful. I have a y11 who I have threatened with this. His response is I’ll just have the day off then.

GhostTypeEevee · 01/10/2020 08:06

My mum did this when I was younger as she thought I dawdled to the bus stop after waking up late. . She still says about it and how shocked I was that she wouldn't give me a lift.
She doesn't know that I waited in the alley way as the bus sailed past as I quite fancied a day off school.

VeganCow · 01/10/2020 08:08

@MostlyHappyMummy

Bus stop is a 45 minute drive away and then an hour on the bus?!?!?!? I wouldn’t do that for a job let alone school

^ This

sunshinesheila · 01/10/2020 08:09

For sure mine would be left to get in trouble with the school. I would also make it clear to the school why they are late.

I really really wish a guy I once lived with had that treatment. He was like a whiney brat in the mornings and thought I was a maid.

FjordFiestas · 01/10/2020 08:13

I think letting them sleep through is a great idea (provided that they're the kind of kid who won't think they've "won" and realised that being stubborn gets them a lie in). However, please do not contact the school and say "after 3 years of screaming at them every morning I'm taking a stand". I was a teacher and the way I'd respond to this is in two ways: if the kid was a "bad" kid then I'd think "Jesus, I see where he gets it" and if they were a good kid then I'd think "poor child, stuck with her". Your child's school is a professional environment and safe space for them, it's not appropriate to embarrass them or tell on them to the school. If you need support from the school then by all means ask but parents who phone up or say things with the sole intention of making their child look bad to the school come off as nasty (even when that's not the intention).
Phone the school to say he'll be late but he'll get there as soon as possible. Telling them you can't get him out of bed is inappropriate and vindictive.

VallarMorghulis · 01/10/2020 08:20

Mine is like that, always has been a heavy sleeper (was great as a baby!).
I've had to do what you're considering a few times over the years, but now he's working he is managing fine, most of the time. I don't know if it's because of maturity, or because the consequences are losing some pay at best, his job at worst!

AlwaysLatte · 01/10/2020 08:23

No but every time it looks like they're struggling to wake up I insist on earlier bed and earlier stopping of all screens, as I always assume it's simply lack of sleep. Also they're not allowed any tech of screens in the morning until they're up and in uniform which is usually a good incentive!

AlwaysLatte · 01/10/2020 08:24

Did I read that right, over 3 and a half hours' journey time?? Poor kid's probably exhausted!

Couchbettato · 01/10/2020 08:27

Kids and teens need more sleep than we do. With that commute it sounds like something is missing in their lives whether it is sleep, or the time to do things for themselves, or the time to do chores, or even homework. If it were homework it would be like working all bloody day with that commute.

I mean, by all means let them miss the bus, but I think there's an underlying reason why they're a "sleeper".

SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness · 01/10/2020 08:28

Why are they at a school so far away?

AutumnSuns · 01/10/2020 08:29

1hr45mins to get to school? So you’re leaving the house at like 6:45??

Toilenstripes · 01/10/2020 08:30

You have a house to school distance problem, not a DC problem.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 01/10/2020 08:30

I wouldn't but only because they would probably enjoy the lovely lay in and when no real consequences occur, the panic they felt initially will pale into insignificance and they will know they can just stay in bed.

AgentProvocateur · 01/10/2020 08:31

A 1hr 45min commute to school? They must have to get up at the crack of dawn. No wonder they’re knackered.

MarthasGinYard · 01/10/2020 08:32

Cancel the commute

GreyishDays · 01/10/2020 08:33

I’m thinking maybe school bus is over an hour, but I hope goes from near their house.
If they miss this then it’s the public bus which is a 45 minute drive away.

Maybe? Hope so.

ExclamationPerfume · 01/10/2020 08:35

Surely they would just enjoy the day at home.

TheTeenageYears · 01/10/2020 08:38

I think it depends on a couple if things in this case - does the DC go to sleep at an appropriate hour for their needs? If not and they sleep in then what has been done about getting them to go to bed at a more appropriate time and if they do have you looked at the possible quality of their sleep if they just don't wake up in the morning?

The bus/driving to bus times quoted if correct are ridiculous. What timings are you talking about on the current schedule and what are the timings if you leave them and they have to make their own way to school?

I'm all for DC taking responsibility for themselves where they are able and getting up and ready for school would come u der that in my book but this situation doesn't seem quite so clear cut.

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