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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever allowed a DC to miss a bus because they are lazy / don't get themselves us

102 replies

MsKeats · 30/09/2020 21:29

One of my DC is a sleeper. Every morning I wake them up at least twice and there is a fair bit of shouting. Once up -fine. They have an alarm clock but sleep through it -it drives me insane. So I have to pull the duvet off and put them lights on etc

Mean Mum that I am -I'm seriously considering going without them one morning. (Old enough to be left home) and knowing them as I do -they will be crapping themselves and totally unable to get to school as the school is well over an hour by bus and the bus stop is a 45 minute car drive away-I would phone the school and explain that after 3 years of screaming at them every morning I'm taking a stand. They wouldn't wake up at all if I did this and would sleep through us getting up and going. Monday morning is a good possibility.

At the moment, I'm just thinking about it, as a short sharp shock -to pull their finger out. Else aged 20 I'm still going to be waking them up. I haven't decided I will.

Has anyone ever done it? Did it work?

OP posts:
FourPlasticRings · 01/10/2020 08:40

Yes, I'd warn them first of the impending rule shift. And would give them one wake-up call probably, but wouldn't go and throw duvets off etc.

SabrinaThwaite · 01/10/2020 08:41

Also sounds like your DC are younger than other posters are expecting.

wildraisins · 01/10/2020 08:41

I would do it.

I have a younger brother who is 23. He was always a sleeper and struggled to get out of bed. My mum would have such shouting matches with him in the morning trying to get him up, even up to him being 20, 21 years old. It was insane.

I always said just leave him to it and let him face the consequences, she didn't and when he finally moved out he had to face the consequences at his paid job, instead of sorting this out back when he was at school.

Lougle · 01/10/2020 08:41

DD2 is a sleeper. DH has started making her a cup of tea to wake up to. It helps. I think a positive strategy would be best.

borageforager · 01/10/2020 08:45

How old are they?

44PumpLane · 01/10/2020 08:46

The commute time to school is ridiculous and if I had to leave the house that early every day I'd be knackered too.

Unless there is mega back story it's your fault they have to get up so early and do such a long commute so I do think its your responsibility to get them out the door.

If school was half an hour away I'd feel differently and tell you to leave them to it. But given the fairly exhausting commute your kid has I do think you have to step up here.

Veterinari · 01/10/2020 08:46

What time does he go to bed? Teens need a lot of sleep and to get 8 hours and be up at 6 he'd need to be asleep by 10, which is tricky as teens also have a later circadian rhythm.

A lot of this is likely hormonal/biological rather than wilful
If my parents had done this I'd have just enjoyed the day off.

Thinkingg · 01/10/2020 08:47

I'm also intrigued about why it's such a long journey, unless I misunderstood?

They sound chronically sleep-deprived, sleeping through alarms and being woken sounds to me like they are exhausted.

AvoidingRealHumans · 01/10/2020 08:49

Just like everyone else, I am wondering if the journey time was a typo?
That is what the answer to this relies on.

Mollscroll · 01/10/2020 08:50

I have threatened this but not yet done it. DD got up at 6.30 then went back to bed and fell asleep Hmm Not the first time she's done exactly this. I should have left her this morning and let her wake up in a panic at 11 which is her natural wake up time. I didn't but should have.

Intrigued by the 1.45 hour school journey as well...

BluebellCockleshell123 · 01/10/2020 09:00

I have done this in the past when DC1 was 13. They missed the bus a few days in a row and expected me to take them to school (which would mean me being late for work). I’ve now made it clear that they get themselves to school - either get up early and walk (40mins), or make sure they catch the bus and if they miss it then they’ll be late or they can organise and pay for a taxi themselves.

I don’t see how you can follow through on consequences without your child missing school though as it doesn’t sound like they can get there independently.

1hr 45mins is a crazy commute for school.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/10/2020 09:02

Leaving aside questions of enough sleep, length of journey, etc., one thing that would wake me without fail when I had to be up at 3.30 am (I was working for an airline) was an old fashioned mechanical alarm clock, put on the other side of the room, so that I had to get up to turn it off.
You can still find them, and they have a much louder and more insistent ring than a phone or digital alarm.

SonjaMorgan · 01/10/2020 09:10

Yes but I would have to take the internet box thingy or otherwise this would be seen as a day off for gaming.

ApolloandDaphne · 01/10/2020 09:10

In lots of rural areas (I am thinking Scotland here) It would be a long drive down single track roads to the bus stop then another bus drive down winding roads to the main town for school. If you have always lived in a town or city to can be hard to imagine this type of commute.

SahmedOut · 01/10/2020 09:11

totally unable to get to school as the school is well over an hour by bus and the bus stop is a 45 minute car drive away-

This is a ridiculous journey. Why is DC at this school? I had a similar commute for just over a year and it is exhausting. I ended up sleeping over in the office once a week to cut out a commute.

vickibee · 01/10/2020 09:11

My son is like this age 13, his school day startss early at 815 and it is hard work getting him up. He only lives 1/4 mile from school though
I am awaiting suggestions as well. Just like your child he sleeps through the alarm, he even has an apple watch alarm that vibrates on his wrist.
It does seem an awful long way to school?

peachescariad · 01/10/2020 09:13

Sorry but you're a mean mum as you say....I presume you chose to send your DC to this school, so if he doesn't get to the bus stop he has absolutely no way of getting to school. So it's your responsibility to get him into the car for this ridiculous commute to school.

I did this for my DS when he was in sixth form, but if he missed the bus, he did have the option of ringing mates who drove to pick him up and pay them.

Stop screaming at him....Take responsibility.....or change schools.

Totickleamockingbird · 01/10/2020 09:15

Is there an arrangement possible where your child attends school only a few days a week and works from home rest of the time? Covid has opened so many avenues. Why not try this? Smile
It’s brutal to have that long a commute. How do they even have a life outside school then?

Hahaha88 · 01/10/2020 09:17

Is this the closest school to you?!

Witchend · 01/10/2020 09:18

I think it depends on the child.

It worked for my dbro. Or rather putting on a different bus worked.
He used to deliberately miss it, then dm would take him in (40 minute journey).
Then one day she was driving him in later, and she saw a different school bus stop in front of her.
So she got out, explained to the driver, and he was happy to take him.
The next time dbro missed the bus she drove directly to the other bus stop, and he got the bus from there.
He never missed the bus again.

I don't think it would work for my dd2 or ds. They'd just think they could have a nice day at home, and feel terribly virtuous about how they "would have gone to school, but dm didn't wake them". Dd2 would get away with it at school too, and get sympathy from them.

SahmedOut · 01/10/2020 09:18

Is there an arrangement possible where your child attends school only a few days a week and works from home rest of the time?

Yes, this is a good idea. You need to come up with more workable solutions. Is there a family member closer to school that DC could stay with a couple of days a week? Or a friend s/he could lodge with? Boarding school?

Minimumstandard · 01/10/2020 09:44

I think you need to move closer to their school. How do they see their friends/do after school activities if they live so far away? How do they have sufficient time for homework? This would be a ludicrous commute for an adult.

MotherMood · 01/10/2020 09:47

Why do you live so far away from their school?!

WhereamI88 · 01/10/2020 09:57

There’s gotta be a typo in your post, surely? Why is the school so far away?? My school was 45mins away (bus+walk) and that was quite far. Most people would let their kids sleep in to teach them a lesson but not if it meant they couldn’t get to school at all

Sarahandco · 01/10/2020 09:57

Yes, unfortunately, I resorted to allowing my son to be late one day after always pulling out the stops to get him there. He got detention and he was really upset (as he is normally a bit of goody goody) However it did the trick. I realised and I worry that he won't cope with University when the time comes. Cruel to be kind!