Page 4 | Have you ever allowed a DC to miss a bus because they are lazy / don't get themselves us

SabrinaThwaite · 01/10/2020 10:25

It’s a 45 minute drive to the bus stop. How is a 13/14 yr old going to manage that?

Emmelina · 01/10/2020 10:52

I agree that a 4 hour commute a day is probably why they’re so exhausted! Was there really no adequate school closer to home?

Elsewyre · 01/10/2020 11:05

@MsKeats

One of my DC is a sleeper. Every morning I wake them up at least twice and there is a fair bit of shouting. Once up -fine. They have an alarm clock but sleep through it -it drives me insane. So I have to pull the duvet off and put them lights on etc

Mean Mum that I am -I'm seriously considering going without them one morning. (Old enough to be left home) and knowing them as I do -they will be crapping themselves and totally unable to get to school as the school is well over an hour by bus and the bus stop is a 45 minute car drive away-I would phone the school and explain that after 3 years of screaming at them every morning I'm taking a stand. They wouldn't wake up at all if I did this and would sleep through us getting up and going. Monday morning is a good possibility.

At the moment, I'm just thinking about it, as a short sharp shock -to pull their finger out. Else aged 20 I'm still going to be waking them up. I haven't decided I will.

Has anyone ever done it? Did it work?

They get up, rush to be ready. They start to run to bus stop panicked and scared, they look right but not left...you get a phone call from a kindly voice saying they did everything they could but they didn't make it...

SoloMummy · 01/10/2020 13:11

@MostlyHappyMummy

Bus stop is a 45 minute drive away and then an hour on the bus?!?!?!? I wouldn’t do that for a job let alone school

@MsKeats I think that if you have opted to send them to a school so far away that it you need to continue to accept responsibility for them getting to school. If the school was a 10.minutes journey for which there were frequent buses you'd be less unreasonable.

seayork2020 · 01/10/2020 13:15

I could but that would expect a magic wand being waved and my child suddenly saying 'gee mum you are absolutely right i will never do that again'

So in short no I wouldn't and no way would I consider it with that commute at all!

Allywill · 01/10/2020 14:05

yes. it didn’t work. she stayed in bed all day watching pingu videos on you tube on her phone. she got better with time. is now 22 and leaves the house at 645 every morning.

ncailleach · 01/10/2020 14:17

I had one like that! I was mighty tempted to leave them make their own way to school but never brave enough to do it (mainly because I knew from experience that if they needed to get somewhere they had no problem hitchhiking 😨 their way eek). They are now in their 20s and travelling the world chefing, never short of work, always good references and thank god have been talked out of hitchhiking by people they'll actually listen to 😅😅.. So it can end well eventually! There was a lot of shouting for a few years though!

changerr · 01/10/2020 14:23

I did this. DD, cool as a cucumber, simply phoned for a taxi and took taxi to school! However, the cost of it was not lost on her (she paid, of course) and she was better about being ready in time thereafter. So it did work.

By the way, where is the OP??????

changerr · 01/10/2020 14:24

They get up, rush to be ready. They start to run to bus stop panicked and scared, they look right but not left...you get a phone call from a kindly voice saying they did everything they could but they didn't make it

Oh ffs Elsewyre what ridiculous fear mongering. The child in question isn't an infant.

CitizenFame · 01/10/2020 15:14

@chan
By the way, where is the OP??????

Perhaps after posting she set off to walk to the school to demonstrate it could be done and is still making her way back home.

movingonup20 · 01/10/2020 15:30

Yes (city bus so there was another 20 minutes later), I've also refused to drive them because I hoped that a detention for late arrival would help, it didn't! She's late for university lectures even online ones!

Hahaha88 · 01/10/2020 19:11

Howay @MsKeats come back and tell us why the school is so far away

Original poster

MsKeats · 01/10/2020 19:30

@Hahaha88

Howay *@MsKeats* come back and tell us why the school is so far away

We live in the sticks -and I mean -REALLY in the sticks.

Why does DC have such a long journey? -because they CHOSE it.
Not my choice. We looked at multiple schools. But I don't want to out myself -they wanted to go to single sex grammar school -we went and looked -they wanted to go. We talked endlessly about the commute and tiredness -4 years ago when they applied. That isn't the issue and we don't have to justify ourselves.

When I went to school -I had an hour plus on the bus and our school didn't finish until gone 5pm.
The bus links here aren't good. There is no direct bus -if I drove them there -it would be a good hour each way. But being a bus it takes longer and I have to drive them as actually there is a direct bus from near my work.

I drive them to a bus station - 35-40 minutes. And then they catch the bus to school approximately an hour -maybe slightly less.

We are home at 5.30 - 6pm no later than I did when I was at school and we leave at 7am. I left earlier and was back later as a kid. It is what it is. The length of bus ride is unimportant they read a book, phone, chat etc.

Even when they went to the local primary or during lock down -the kid can sleep and sleep indeed. They aren't exhausted. They get long lie ins on the weekend. But really -the bus rides is a moot point. As much as others might not do it -we do and it is isn't changing unless we relocate.
The alarm could go off at 6am or 10am I'd still be waking them up -......

OP posts:

Original poster

MsKeats · 01/10/2020 19:33

[quote CitizenFame]@chan
By the way, where is the OP??????

Perhaps after posting she set off to walk to the school to demonstrate it could be done and is still making her way back home.[/quote]
Some people on here are just bordering on abusive -really what's the need to do this?

Perhaps the OP works full time and when she got home -she had a zoom meeting for an hour...........-oh yes, that would be me. But my priority is not necessarily updating on here -but I do appreciate the people that made constructive comments rather than snarky, rude ones against me or our choice.

OP posts:

D4rwin · 01/10/2020 19:36

You've got to get them being responsible for their own punctuality.

Minimumstandard · 01/10/2020 19:40

We live in the sticks -and I mean -REALLY in the sticks.

it is isn't changing unless we relocate.

Just out of curiosity, why don't you relocate? Surely it must be difficult for your DC to do after-school activities and see their friends regularly? Don't you get fed up being a taxi service for them? Or do they just go to school, come home, do their homework and go to bed? Day in, day out.

Original poster

MsKeats · 01/10/2020 19:49

@Minimumstandard

We live in the sticks -and I mean -REALLY in the sticks.

it is isn't changing unless we relocate.

Just out of curiosity, why don't you relocate? Surely it must be difficult for your DC to do after-school activities and see their friends regularly? Don't you get fed up being a taxi service for them? Or do they just go to school, come home, do their homework and go to bed? Day in, day out.

Personal reasons. Looking into it. Money locked into house, court order, younger DC at local primary school which fairly close.

Looking into it but my job is in a rare field and pretty unique.

OP posts:

Minimumstandard · 01/10/2020 19:54

@MsKeats. The problem is that I don't think you can separate the not getting up in the morning from the long commute. It must leave them drained. Yes, they're home at 6, but don't they have 2-3 hours homework a night to do on top of that? So they actually don't finish until 9.30-10, taking time out for dinner. When do they watch TV and relax? Also, what about sport and exercise? When do they find time for that?

I'm sorry, it sounds like things are quite difficult atm . Fwiw, if you lived closer to the school, I would definitely think YANBU to leave your DC to it in the morning. But in the circumstances, it sounds like quite a depressing, punishing schedule for them.

CitizenFame · 01/10/2020 20:03

Some people on here are just bordering on abusive -really what's the need to do this?

Perhaps the OP works full time and when she got home -she had a zoom meeting for an hour...........-oh yes, that would be me. But my priority is not necessarily updating on here -but I do appreciate the people that made constructive comments rather than snarky, rude ones against me or our choice.

Oh for goodness sake, calm down, it was a joke. I notice you focused on that post and not the first one I wrote saying I have sympathy for you.

Since you’ve updated it makes sense but you can hardly blame me or others for speculating when you write an OP without mentioning any of what you did in your update and the thread continues while you’re not here.

MarthasGinYard · 01/10/2020 20:05

'Perhaps after posting she set off to walk to the school to demonstrate it could be done and is still making her way back home.'

Hardly abusive

Goodness gracious

SahmedOut · 01/10/2020 20:20

they wanted to go to single sex grammar school -we went and looked -they wanted to go. We talked endlessly about the commute and tiredness -4 years ago when they applied. That isn't the issue and we don't have to justify ourselves.

But it is becoming an issue now. As I understand it, that means there are closer schools. Would child be able to get themselves there without you ferrying? In which case either DC starts to get themselves up on time else you will look into the possibility of a transfer.

vanillandhoney · 01/10/2020 20:27

Why does DC have such a long journey? -because they CHOSE it. Not my choice. We looked at multiple schools. But I don't want to out myself -they wanted to go to single sex grammar school -we went and looked -they wanted to go. We talked endlessly about the commute and tiredness -4 years ago when they applied. That isn't the issue and we don't have to justify ourselves

But an 11 year old has no real idea of how difficult a commute like that can be. You're the adult, surely you're in charge and make the decisions when it comes to things like that?

Seeing as you agreed to such a ridiculous commute, you need to enable it and help your DC get up. That's such a long day for an adult, let alone a young teenager. Frankly, I can't believe you agreed to it in the first place.

Scweltish · 01/10/2020 20:34

@MsKeats ignore the ranting about the bus journey. My dd is in exactly the same boat. She worked really hard to get into a same sex grammar school that SHE chose (had to do the exams to get in). It’s only 8 miles away, but inner city traffic means that it takes 1.5-2 hours each way. For people saying ‘what about all the homework they have to do after’, she actually does all her homework and studying on the bus. It’s a non issue. She’s home at 16.45 (or 17.45 if she’s doing an after school club) and the whole evenings hers.

As for the allowing them to sleep in, it depends on your child. I know with my dd1 she’d go into a complete panic, and would probably make sure she was up from then on.
My dd2 would sleep in every single day and just not go to school. It’s not like your child has alternative transport to get to school if you let him sleep in, so this could backfire on you

trilbydoll · 01/10/2020 20:36

This was me as a teenager. And actually DH had to wake me up during lockdown because wfh meant I knew I didn't have to get up until 9am I could easily sleep until 11am every day.

My mum brought me breakfast in bed every morning and it had to be something that needed eating straight away like cereal (soggy cereal is revolting) or toast (ditto cold toast). As an adult I'm faintly horrified by how spoilt I was but it might stop the shouting!

iMatter · 01/10/2020 20:36

Personally I think the parent should do the long commute rather than the child but hey