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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to cry after sex

56 replies

user780143 · 30/09/2020 21:03

Have a good relationship with DH, but for the past 6 months or so whenever we have sex I end up crying after and I don't know why.
Im not a crier usually. Why is this happening?

OP posts:
SquirtleSquad · 30/09/2020 21:04

What feeling accompanied the crying?

user1473878824 · 30/09/2020 21:06

Well, I guess the question is is it just random crying like “weird, I’m crying” or are you feeling sad?

MissConductUS · 30/09/2020 21:07

It's not that unusual and can have many causes. I'd guess hormones are the most common if you're not feeling really sad at the same time.

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/crying-after-sex

Original poster
user780143 · 30/09/2020 21:08

@SquirtleSquad

What feeling accompanied the crying?
Sadness
OP posts:
user1473878824 · 30/09/2020 21:08

This may sound very stupid but do you know why you feel sad? Is it a general feeling or can you pinpoint why?

user1487194234 · 30/09/2020 21:09

With my first boyfriend many moons ago I used to cry after sex as I was so happy and thought we were soul mates
We weren't Grinbut it was good while it lasted !

Original poster
user780143 · 30/09/2020 21:11

@user1473878824

This may sound very stupid but do you know why you feel sad? Is it a general feeling or can you pinpoint why?
No I don't know why I feel sad, I don't feel sad at any other time
OP posts:
SideAfries · 30/09/2020 21:13

Following!
I feel like this after sex too! Sad & sometimes cry. Haven’t always, & not every time! It’s weird? I don’t know if it’s hormones or a mental thing?!

user1473878824 · 30/09/2020 21:15

It does sound like it could be hormonal? I’m sorry OP, this sounds very hard x

JovialNickname · 30/09/2020 21:16

Does it feel like "release" sadness? Like a great relief of letting go, a kind of catharsis?

Or do you just feel very low and very sad?

And how is your partner with you during these times, does he lie with you and hold you and reassure you, or does he leave you on your own? I think all these things are important.

Original poster
user780143 · 30/09/2020 21:19

@JovialNickname

Does it feel like "release" sadness? Like a great relief of letting go, a kind of catharsis?

Or do you just feel very low and very sad?

And how is your partner with you during these times, does he lie with you and hold you and reassure you, or does he leave you on your own? I think all these things are important.

Yeah it feels like a release sadness. My DH stays with me and holds me.
OP posts:
NancyBotwinBloom · 30/09/2020 21:20

I think it's like a rush of emotion from being so intimate with someone you love

Peakypolly · 30/09/2020 21:27

This is usual for me but I frequently cry when I feel ecstatic.
Holding my babies, seeing an amazing vista, achieving perfect results in an exam etc. I don't think this is unusual at all. Embrace the ecstasy.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/09/2020 21:41

Crying with sadness doesn't sound much like a feeling of ecstasy, though. I would find it very disconcerting to be the sexual partner of someone who was crying with sadness after I'd had sex with them. In fact I think I would find it quite off-putting during future intimate times.

I take it you're fully up for it, happy and aroused and an equal partner when you start having sex, as well as all the way through?

Funguy · 30/09/2020 21:42

You need only worry, if it is during.

category12 · 30/09/2020 21:42

Are you happy in your relationship normally?

Needallthesleep · 30/09/2020 21:44

This is so normal. I’m sure there’s even a name for it. I have it, definitely hormonal.

thistimelastweek · 30/09/2020 21:45

La petit mort?

U2HasTheEdge · 30/09/2020 21:46

I cry afterwards nine times after ten.

Always have done. It's a release of emotion I guess.

I didn't warn DH before we had sex for the first time and he got really worried. Now he just hugs me and waits for it to pass. I don't see it as a negative thing though. I guess I am just used to it.

Original poster
user780143 · 30/09/2020 21:46

@category12

Are you happy in your relationship normally?
Very happy, nothing has changed in our relationship
OP posts:
StoryOfANewName · 30/09/2020 21:46

It’s a known thing with a name: post-coital tristesse.

www.insider.com/sad-after-sex-postcoital-tristesse-dysphoria-2018-8

I’m glad it sounds as if your husband is understanding. It must be confusing but maybe it helps to know it’s a known phenomenon Flowers

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/09/2020 21:46

Does the crying happen with orgasm, out of interest? The hormones released during that should make you feel all lovely, warm and happy. Not sad enough to cry.

I'm no scientist, though, so perhaps it is a known phenomenon.

MinesAPintOfTea · 30/09/2020 21:47

Is it related to relaxing and emotions being released? If I'm having a tough time, I cry when I get somewhere I feel safe, and its only at that point that the overwhelming sadness hits me. But I don't feel sad because I got to that safe place yswim.

Also, do you have any trauma which it might be helpful to get help dealing with?

WitsEnding · 30/09/2020 21:49

Have been known to cry during sex just from the intensity of the emotion, luckily my current partner sometimes does too so he understands. Feeling sad after sex because the intimacy has evaporated is a different thing altogether.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/09/2020 21:54

How interesting to read others say they've experienced the same. For those that experience sadness with crying afterwards, does it affect your desire to have sex in the first place, if you know you will probably feel sad afterwards?