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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School forcing 8am start for my SEN girl?

628 replies

emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:04

So I’m having quite a lot of bother with my little girls school. She’s not settling in very well and becoming very distressed when going into school and can become aggressive.
She’s waiting on assessment for possible Autism. She’s 6 and in year 2.

She’s on a reduced timetable at the minute but the school are forcibly telling me they want her in at 8am to give her time to settle before her class come in at 8.45. I’ve told them each time my sons school taxi comes sometime between 8.15 - 8.25 and I can’t get her there, chase her around while she tries to run away, then carry her into school then be back in time for my sons taxi. Yet every day they say the same thing, she hasn’t settled and needs to be in 8am. If I miss his taxi I can’t get him to school as I don’t drive and it’s quite far away.

Is there any solution? I’m sick of fighting with the school to support my daughter.

OP posts:
McFarts · 30/09/2020 21:22

[quote emmapemma91]@McFarts funny enough I’ve just made a SAR today! Although unsure how I can ‘prove’ her name, dob and address with a picture ID when she’s 6 years old? It’s not like she has a driving licence (unfortunately!)[/quote]
I dont think you actually need proof of ID, im assuming you mean a SAR for the school?

ElectroMullet · 30/09/2020 21:25

@emmapemma91
You don't need to prove her ID. As you are making the request as her parent, it's your ID they need.

Original poster
emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 21:30

Yes it’s a SAR for the school. They sent me a copy of a form I need to fill in and it says they need a copy of her ID, my ID and proof I have parental responsibility. Will double check with the school tomorrow!

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 30/09/2020 21:32

It’s not like she has a driving licence (unfortunately!)

Have you thought about getting her a licence and she could drive herself. Problem solved 🤷‍♀️

McFarts · 30/09/2020 21:40

@Jellycatspyjamas

It’s not like she has a driving licence (unfortunately!)

Have you thought about getting her a licence and she could drive herself. Problem solved 🤷‍♀️

Grin Grin

Yeah or could your son not put himself on transport Wink or maybe a local teen could help out! Shock or just move house! Grin simples...

McFarts · 30/09/2020 21:41

Actually get your son the driving licence and he could drop her off on his way to school!

MitziK · 30/09/2020 21:42

@Jellycatspyjamas

It’s not like she has a driving licence (unfortunately!)

Have you thought about getting her a licence and she could drive herself. Problem solved 🤷‍♀️

NHS Card? Passport? Birth certificate?
Onceuponatimethen · 30/09/2020 21:42

I think they should just walk by themselves to school - promotes independence Grin

DobbinReturns · 30/09/2020 21:44

At her age you only need your ID and proof of PR. .I caught some interesting stuff on the SAR I did, my son's behaviour incidents were more a log of my reaction. I never appeared to care enough!

The SAR to the LA caught some interesting goings on as well that the school had omitted...

HelplessProcrastinator · 30/09/2020 22:00

Another voice of support from me OP. Those lucky naive people on this thread who assume schools act in the best interests of SEN kids. In many cases they fucking don't, I can assure you. The cynic in me would say they are trying to make things so difficult for you and your DD that you will just give up and remove her from the school. Been there, done that. I don't believe all schools are bad. My DD is in an amazing mainstream secondary now after 7 years of primary hell and a daily battle with Mr/Mrs Ego heads and the LEA. Now I have seen how it should and can be done I have even less sympathy for this kind of bollocks.

Best of luck OP. You are amazing and don't let Mr/Mrs Ego at the school make you think otherwise. And the judgemental idiots out there, this may be your child or grandchild one day. You will change your tune if this happens in your own family.

Sally872 · 30/09/2020 22:10

Sounds difficult OP. Could you get a taxi to dds school rather than walk? Hopefully not too expensive if it is a 20 min walk. Means you will be there a bit earlier, even just for a week or 2 then 5 mins early might work. It does sounds like it would be good for dd. Equally I agree you can't be in two places at once.

millyk · 30/09/2020 22:21

Hi OP. I hope you're OK. You've had some ridiculous replies on here. Clearly you have a carefully planned routine to get ds picked up and allowing you time to get your dd to school for 8.45. You can't be in 2 places at once, and it's not helpful for school to be asking you to be. if I was you I would you keep repeating its not a workable option and put it back on them as to how they will suport her when she's actually there. Extending her day further when she's on a reduced timetable isn't sensible anyway. I'd be curious as to why they think going in 45 mins early would help. 10/20 minutes maybe but that's a long time. Do you know what it is specifically that makes them think she needs that settling in time? Is she very unsettled initially? What can they do during that actual moment to help her?

We have a similar situation so my dd (with sen currently doing an hour a day). She gets dropped in via the office at 9.05. She avoids the crowds that way too. It works for us at the moment, not ideal, but with the covid restrictions it's all we can do for now. But if I was you and was able to get dd in with her peers I'd be sticking with it.

starfishmummy · 30/09/2020 22:35

Wolfiefan

If you can’t be in two places at once then you need to look for solutions to your problem. Not expect the school to solve it for you.

The OP doesnt have a problem. She can get her child to school for the official starting time, which is all she needs to do.

The school are making a problem by wanting the child in early.

Babyboomtastic · 30/09/2020 22:38

Am I right in thinking you have other children? Are any of them teenagers that might be able to wait with your son until you come home?

If you were able to drop off your daughter say 5 minutes earlier, then you'd be back by 8.10-8.15.
I appreciate this really depends on the ages of the children etc, but trying to think of a solution here.

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/09/2020 22:41

Now I have seen how it should and can be done I have even less sympathy for this kind of bollocks.

I do agree, my DDs school have been so flexible with her and so very supportive - without the need for formal diagnosis, coordinated support plans or fighting. It’s ridiculous how hard parents need to fight for the simplest of supports, and how unprepared so many posters are to question and challenge schools.

elkiedee · 30/09/2020 22:52

The poll on this thread shows why voting YABU/YANBU is not a good idea, though I also think the thread might be better under Education than AIBU! Is there a SEN Education section?

Over 300 posts - I've only read a few but I've read through the OP's post a couple of times and I wish others would read the whole post before making suggestions.

Firstly, I assume OP's DS has special needs transport to school. I've learned a bit about this in my area over the last few years because I'm a parent governor representative on a council Scrutiny panel and we have had a couple of meetings about SEND transport issues. I also know people whose children get to school from this transport. It's not likely to be possible to rearrange one child's schedule to solve OP and her DD's issue.

After that rant I'm going to try to read more of the thread.

Hamsandwich2 · 30/09/2020 22:56

It may be my inner cynic but quite honestly it sounds like they are trying to save money - the TA would be in before then and they would then be free after to support other members of the class.

Say no and speak to IASS.

Part time timetables are also illegal - either they need emergency funding and an ehcp or they need to review it now.

People don’t understand unless they’ve been there by the way, their kids are the ones without SEN.

Haenow · 30/09/2020 22:59

I’m surprised nobody has suggested cycling to school yet. Grin
YANBU, of course, by the way. It sounds like this school is unable to meet your DD’s needs but also unwilling to meet them also.

Original poster
emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 23:05

I’ve thought they may be trying to save money, and also their ‘outstanding’ reputation. I feel like they’re ashamed of her and try to hide her from the parents.
They said the Fair Access Panel reviewed and agreed on the timetable (she only started this school September as her previous was out of area).

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 30/09/2020 23:16

I’d be asking for the minutes of that meeting tbh, it’s an illegal exclusion unless there’s a clear plan for reintegration or alternatively provision.

Porridgeoat · 30/09/2020 23:24

Ask them to have her earlier. 7:50pm

Onceuponatimethen · 30/09/2020 23:27

Why stop at 7.50? Why don’t you suggest she goes in at 7.15? Hmm

Or maybe just have her in at the normal time as op is entitled to do

Hamsandwich2 · 30/09/2020 23:28

@emmapemma91

I’ve thought they may be trying to save money, and also their ‘outstanding’ reputation. I feel like they’re ashamed of her and try to hide her from the parents. They said the Fair Access Panel reviewed and agreed on the timetable (she only started this school September as her previous was out of area).
They sound appalling. They can do it for 6 weeks, was she excluded from her previous school or in a PRU? Otherwise fair access rules do not apply.

Have you looked at other schools?

They need to be applying for emergency/contingency funding to support your daughter. If you think you want to keep her there then offer to bring her later than the other children and play nicely until the half term (they cannot force it for more than half a term but my sons old school played dirty and put him back full time without support so they could force it again).

She needs an ehcp, get in touch with the LA, with the attendance officers and with independent support.

Lots of luck!!

drspouse · 30/09/2020 23:29

@AGoatAteIt

Howcome the children are at different schools? Obviously it would be best if they were in same place.

Fucking hell 🤦‍♀️

Well yes.
Marmaladey · 30/09/2020 23:39

JFC the replies on this thread. I laughed bitterly at all the suggestions the school is clearly trying to help. The part time timetable is illegal and probably unhelpful. Their decision not to support your EHCP assessment tells anyone everything they need to know about how much the school is trying to help.

I almost envy the naivety of some posters.