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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What age did you let your child come home to an empty house...

197 replies

CovidStoleTheRainbow · 29/09/2020 14:17

... after school? And wait a few hours until the first parent got home? 5ish pm.

OP posts:
Jimdandy · 30/09/2020 07:39

I will not be arranging childcare once they go to high school at year 7. Though I do have September children but mine will be closer to 12.

If my girl gets fed up of after school
Club in year 6 we will trial her going home on her own.

Porcupineinwaiting · 30/09/2020 07:41

11

MsAwesomeDragon · 30/09/2020 07:50

I let dd1 come home to an empty house occasionally in year 5, but she was 10, and most of the time I was at home as I was on mat leave.

Dd2 is 10 and does this one day a week. Dh is mostly wfh due to covid, only going in once a week. If it wasn't covid she would have to do it every day.

I don't know what I would do in your situation op. Sorry. 9 feels a little too young, but if there aren't any childcare solutions I'm not sure what we can advise. Does he have any friends you could do some sort of reciprocal childcare with?

caringcarer · 30/09/2020 16:03
  1. At 14 I made him go to child minder for hour after school.
ilovebagpuss · 30/09/2020 16:12

I would say 12/13 I have been fortunate to go part time so I am home for my DD’s every day except one and my DH is usually around that day after school.
It’s hard on the pocket but I get to be there do them some food hear about the day etc I know it helps them.
However if you have to they will cope but definitely feel the older the better

MayIJustAsk · 30/09/2020 20:50

Mine was 12 when schools shut and I had no one to have him while I worked (i do school hours)

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 30/09/2020 21:40

My DS is year 3 so still a few years off high school so I don’t need to worry about this just yet but reading this thread got me thinking.....what happens when they get to high school age if parents aren’t back from work when kids get home? Presumably there aren’t after school childcare for high school.

Our local school finishes at 2.40pm so if DS went there would be home for 2.55!

Missanneshirley · 30/09/2020 21:46

I've been forced into this recently. Dd1 is 12, she's done it occasionally before, I'm fine with it. But now she has to let in and "look after" dd2 who is 9. Both fine on their own, terrible together, I am not happy about it! But no choice at the moment and i can get home an hour later.
Dd2 has no phone but I've trained her in calling my mobile from the house phone. We have a key safe.

clary · 30/09/2020 22:22

@caringcarer

15. At 14 I made him go to child minder for hour after school.
@caringcarer really? What was your 14yo's view of this? And why didn't you trust him to be at home for an hour?
BrieAndChilli · 01/10/2020 08:00

@caringcarer

15. At 14 I made him go to child minder for hour after school.
Unless this is a massive drip feed and he has additional needs - this is ridiculous!! At age 15 you should be able to be alone for an hour!! Some 15 year olds have part time jobs/paper rounds or babysit!!! My daughter is 12 and she has with the scouts done up the woods, searched for thier food, made thier own shelter and slept in it! Legally you can move out when you are 16, you can have a baby, you can join the army etc etc it’s a massive step from going to a childminder at age 14 to going to uni at age 18 and fending for yourself, no wonder kids at uni can’t do thier own washing /cooking/organise themselves if people are making sure 14 year olds are babysat!!!
RedskyAtnight · 01/10/2020 08:11

@lentilsforlunch

If it's a one off I'd request for the 13yo to leave school early
You either don't have a teenager or have a very lax secondary school.

This is highly unlikely to be allowed.

RedskyAtnight · 01/10/2020 08:14

@caringcarer

15. At 14 I made him go to child minder for hour after school.
At 14, quite a few of my DD's friends are looking after younger siblings after school. Does your child have additional needs? If not, this is extremely controlling.
Breastfeedingworries · 01/10/2020 08:14

I came home to an empty house quite often from 12 onwards then at 15 my parents Both got a job working away so I wouldn’t see them all week. So every night I was alone at home, also live rurally so no friends over or nearby. As none of us could drive ect.

Really think the isolation messed with me as a youngster.

HandfulofDust · 01/10/2020 08:15

9 would be too young for me to feel comfortable personally.

PontiacBandit · 01/10/2020 08:16

Year 7, very sensible DD would also collect her 7yr old sister. They'd be home from 3.30-5ish maybe 1 day a fortnight. Actually they loved it, feeling grown up and responsible, helping themselves to snacks and playing Xbox or watching Netflix for an hour.

Saladd0dger · 01/10/2020 08:21

I’d do it op if you can trust them. My 9 year old often runs off home when I’m in the middle of shopping. He can be on his own 45 mins. He sits quietly on his tablet and knows not to touch anything. He has his phone to call me and knows which neighbours to go to of any problems

PontiacBandit · 01/10/2020 08:21

As soon as she started high school DD was up and out of the house before I got up.

cricketmum84 · 01/10/2020 08:23

12 - early September baby in year 7. Didn't really have any choice as we both worked and no childcare once they hit high school!

middleager · 01/10/2020 08:24

@caringcarer

15. At 14 I made him go to child minder for hour after school.
My 14 year olds would be mortified by this!
whirlwindwallaby · 01/10/2020 08:26

I'm assuming that the poster saying 15 is just joking.

ThreePipeProblems · 01/10/2020 08:28

I’d let my nine year old come back to an empty house if it was only for half an hour.

Mommabear20 · 01/10/2020 08:33

I was 11 (starting secondary school) when I got keys to the house. BUT I lived in a small street where we knew most people, and had a list of about 10 phone numbers I could call in an emergency stuck onto the house phone.

BiddyPop · 01/10/2020 08:33

Dd was 11 and in Y5 when she was allowed to come home alone. It started when she was still 10 (just - late autumn term) walking home as I drove and building up to her leaving at 5:30, then 5:00pm, when I was due home at 5;45pm ( 15 minute walk so initially i was home at the same time more or less).

Early spring, she needed to come home at 4pm twice a week rather than go to after school club due to bullying there but really wanted that rather than going to the alternative after school club 4 days per week and missing all except an off-site ECA. (She has to drop 2 ECA’s as other after school couldn’t collect other than end of school day).

And that worked ok, so in Y6, she came home herself everyday after ECA’s, which finished between 3:30 and 4:15. I was home at 5:45.

We had built up to it when it wasn’t a problem, just building independence. She knew how to cook safely (Oven, microwave and kettle were fine but only use gas rings when I was home) from years of doing things and getting more independent in the kitchen - and I did buy things like Koka noodles (similar to Pot Noodle) that she liked as solutions for snacks when she got in. And she was pretty good at doing her homework before relaxing with tv/xbox. (Slapdash sometimes - but done). And also good at phoning me daily to say she was home safe, and not letting others in until I was home. And we had neighbours who WFH or are retired, that knew the routine and were around (And dd knew to call into) if there were problems.

BiddyPop · 01/10/2020 08:33

By “just” 10, I mean that she turned 11 over the Christmas so latter end of being 10.

Doughnutdiva · 01/10/2020 08:39

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