What age did you let your child come home to an empty house...

[CovidStoleTheRainbow]

... after school? And wait a few hours until the first parent got home? 5ish pm.

DD's friend was going home all of last year to an empty house every week day, and staying alone until 6pm or later - she was 9. I wouldn't do it yet
(DD is the same age) but it all depends on the child I suppose.

I wouldn't be comfortable with a 9 year old doing that sorry. It might not end up just half an hour either if the older one gets delayed.

@CovidStoleTheRainbow

What if it was a 9 year old but he's only on his home for half an hour until his 13 year old brother came home?

I'm fucked for childcare and I really don't know what to do.

Mine was 11 but he had to be at home for 2 hours so before that he went to a childminder. I tried getting him to come home on his own one day a week to wait half an hour for me when he was 9 or 10 but the first time he did it he got scared, locked himself in the bathroom and wanted to call the police so it wasn't something we tried again for a while!

And our school don't even let them leave the premises alone till they are year 6 and they have to be assessed as safe to do so.

Covid forced my hand in this, I had to leave him in alone occasionally at 12, he is now 13 and coming home himself a couple of times a week. He isnt bothered in the slightest by it.

Id be nervous about a 9 year old having the responsibility of a key.

DS was 9 almost 10 when he got a key, P6. It wasn't every day he came home to an empty house but could be up to 2hrs. Never had any issues, I just phoned him after school. It all depends on the child really and what they are comfortable with

11 - back end of year 6.

Can you trust the 13 year old not to be distracted on his way home and arrive late? If so, this is fine as “a one-off” as you said it will be.

It wouldn’t be fair on the older child if it were a daily occurrence though. Irregularly or weekly - that’s probably fine.

My eldest has just started (although with home working only once or twice) He has just started Year 7 and will be 12 in December. My younger two 9&10 still go to the childminder after school.

I think it is a bit young, but 30 minutes isn’t long and I think the main thing is if the child is happy with it.

I was a latch key kid from age 11 (mum was single) and I hated it, coming home to a cold, dark house in winter so it’s not something I’d do for my kids.

Also to bear in mind I did a safeguarding course at work and child under 12 left for a few hours after school each day was classed as neglect. I think it was the regular leaving that was the problem, once a week or a shorter time more frequently would be ok.

she 10 but she got scared and went next door. now almost age 12 she s fine for 3 or 4 hrs

I know times are different but I was 7 nearly 8 when I used to do this. I would be at home for about 45 minutes before my mum got back (she taught at another school). I was sensible and quite enjoyed the time on my own.

I predict my daughter would be fine with this by 9. She's 7 now and very sensible. I'd be more worried about roads and traffic and having a problem or misplacing the key than the time at home. I used to let myself in as a very young child and once couldn't find key. All was well as I went to neighbour, but my dad nearly had a heart attack ringing home and no answer. Now we have mobile phones

For me the distinction was when they can get to school on a public bus by themselves in to the town centre then walk the rest of the way to school, every day, there and back, crossing main busy roads in town centre. As I did as a child at secondary so about 12

If they can do all that then they can sit in the house for an hour with doors locked and no touching and cookers/electrics. That’s less ‘dangerous’! As long as they’re happy to do it.

Especially if they’re a sensible 12!

13. She had no option,I had divorced, I worked. I’m glad she was no younger.

@RedskyAtnight

I'm not sure I understand how it would be safer for him to play outside until someone came home. Perhaps I misunderstood that advice?

I was (badly) trying to point out inconsistencies in advice.

If you'd asked "is it ok for my 9 year old to play out with friends for 30 minutes", most people would think this was ok (area dependent). For some reason "going home to an empty house and being on his own for 30 minutes" sounds much worse.

I completely agree with this.

I find it odd that people would say 12 for example is too young to stay at home alone for a a couple of hours, but presumably be absolutely fine with them playing out....

Imo it’s safer for them being in their home!

As soon as they went to secondary school, for both of them individually

He will be fine. My ds is 8 and if I left him home alone for 30 mins he probably wouldnt even notice if he was on his ps4.

@Patchworkpatty

Daughter 9 (sensible) Son 12 (a bit silly) Daughter 7 picked up by 14 yr old sister. (Both sensible)

Depends on the children. I would never of allowed an 11 yr old DS at home with a 9 yr old DD 2 for example as the DS was not mature enough to care for himself let alone a younger one.

OP only you know the answer to this based on your children's maturity in a crisis ... (it also helped that we lived around a village green and they knew all the neighbours)

a bit silly made me laugh 😂

It's a one off? Then I think it's fine, as long as the 9yr old is happy too. Every day, not so much.

@2bazookas

My widoe3wed mother worked long hours and I always came home to an empty house from age 12 / 13 on: I absolutely hated it. It wasn't just empty, it was comfortless. cold ( dead fireplace, no central heating) and dark in winter and the dirty breakfast dishes were still in the sink. So then I had to clear the grate, fetch coal ,lay and light a fire , wash up before staring my homework.

I swore I'd never let my kids come home to an empty house and they didn't. I PAID someone kind and grannyish to be there, be welcoming, make their tea etc until I got home from work.

My son ( fro 12 years old) would have been beside himself with unhappiness to come home to a strange person He was sometimes a bit grumpy on the days I was home when he got in. . He loved his 2-3 hrs to himself 3-4 times a week

My Son became a latchkey kid at age 11, when he went to high school. I'm a single parent and had to work full time. I had no family or friends living nearby that he could go to either. Some nights he would go to friend's houses or to the computer or homework club after school. He would spend around 2 and a half hours at home alone, or with a friend, most nights. I would be in constant contact via text or phone, but it is not ideal. I spent a lot of time worrying, even though he was sensible and well behaved.

Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. I had to work to provide a home, food, pay bills etc. I had no one helping me out, therefore I had little choice in the matter.

I was doing it from 11 and I hated it. I developed some very unhealthy coping strategies as a result which are still an issue in adulthood.

9 would be fine if it's only half an hour and the child is very mature. Mine were fine at that age.
By age 13 my daughter got herself up and off to school on the school bus (I'd already been up and left for work) including locking up, and she came home, unlocked, and got herself food/did homework as I was in late from work. She was perfectly OK.