AIBU - Question about marriage and parenting?

[MummyNeedsWine19]

Hiya, long-time lurker and first-time poster. I really need some advice and to know if I am being totally unreasonable. Sorry if this is long.

DH and I have been together 3 years and have our 18 Month old DS who I love to pieces. Things have been rocky since having our DS - I suffered with PND and we lived with his parents for quite a while after having DS so we had very little time to ourselves and I had very little time alone with DS whilst on mat leave. We've recently moved into our own place and things have just been on a downward spiral ever since.

DH loses his temper with both myself and DS regularly. He will shout in DS's face that he's a 'miserable little dckhead/cnt/whatever else' and 'Can't wait to get away from him'. The other day DS was crying as we approached naptime (he does this when he's tired) so I decided that I would finish what I was doing and give him a cuddle. In the meantime DH is yelling at DS to shut up and that he's sick of listening to him. When I gave him a cuddle I was accused of molly-coddling him and DH said that DS needed disciplining, not cuddling. He's never been particularly helpful with DS (never did a night feed, never gets up with him in the mornings, never changes a nappy). He's currently on furlough and I am working from home full time. His mum ends up having DS most of the time as DH can't cope with him for a whole day and DH's mum 'know's what he's like'.

When me and DH argue he regularly throws in my face that all I care about is DS and not him. He tells me I'm a miserable boring c*nt and I'm embarrassing. He says he's unhappy and bored with life and it's all my fault. I'm regularly accused of 'being snakey' and texting/messaging other people. Now I'm not claiming to be perfect as I'm far from it - I am stubborn and can hold a grudge for days and, yes, I have my fair share of off-days. DH seems to be under the impression that he can apologise and tell me that the didn't mean it and that everything should be fine between us but I just can't do that after some of the things he says? AIBU? Should I just forgive and forget? What's 'normal' in these situations?

I hate the way he is with DS some times and when I tell him he accuses me of taking over, tells me that DS is his son too and he will do what he wants.

What is right and wrong here? He's told me that I need to change my ways but I've lost all perspective recently, I just don't know.

Please don't be scared to feel lonely. This man has worn you down to the point you don't know what is right and wrong. That's what abusers do. He has you not being able to think or see things clearly because if you did he knows you'd take your baby and run as far away from him as you can.

Please draw strength from what people have posted here. You and your beautiful little boy deserve better. I have a 14 month old little boy and it makes me sick to my stomach to think of anyone treating this way. He has you, please get him away from this man and you will both be so much happier. I would put money on you feeling a huge relief and realising how bad this man is once you are away from him. There are happier times ahead for both of you, you will figure this out, please speak to your parents and let people help you.

You didn't really know him before you had a baby with him. It seems as though his true colours are showing. If I was you, I'd get out if the relationship. It seems toxic and its no life for DS. Eventually he'll put fear and anxiety in to your son!

OMG, why do you let this worthless cretin treat your child that way???? Why?

This is an emergency, but you don't seem to realize that.

Go to your parents. He's a fucking monster.

I say this as a first time mum to a 19 month old daughter who going through a very clingy stage with lots of tantrums. I can't even imagine shouting at her, let alone calling her names or worse. It brings tears to my eyes to even think about.

Please get away from this horrible human being.

Im assuming that your husband was nice to you when you first met, but it doesnt sound like he was ready to be a husband or father. Obviously he now is both and like a lot of men is struggling with the adjustment/reality. A bit of distance may give some clarity for you both. Sending hugs x

I got as far as you saying that your husband shouts in your baby’s face. You can’t be with someone who treats your child (or any child) like that.

He's alienated me from a lot of friends and prevented me from making new ones, so I'm very worried about leaving and having no-one. I guess I'm worried about being lonely.

But if you move out you’ll be able to reacquaint with your old friends and be free to make new ones too. Put your son first ffs and get away from the abusive cunt you married. You’ve got your parents to go to so no excuse not to!

Please talk to us here if you need to, OP.

Get to your parents' house as soon as you can. Take what you can. Call them for help if you need to and leave whilst he is out.

You may be a bit lonely for a while, but better that than you and your son being abused for the next decade? Two? You can get through the loneliness, with your parents' help and your son with thrive when surrounded by all the love.

Please let us know how you're getting on.

Oh, OP, you poor thing, but fucking hell, your poor child! Do not leave your child alone with him.

Leave. Go to your parents and sort the rest out from there.

He's alienated me from a lot of friends and prevented me from making new ones, so I'm very worried about leaving and having no-one. I guess I'm worried about being lonely.
Once you are at your parents, you can connect with old friends. They probably saw what was going on long before you did.
There are people out there to help.

You CAN do this. Your inner strength will return once you leave.

He's abusing your child. Leave. Protect your child even if you can't manage to leave for yourself. Contact social services and document everything you can. Do not let him have unsupervised contact.

If anyone called my child that I’d punch them in the face

Why are you asking? you know what you have to do

No wonder you had PND with him doing nothing to share the load ... And that's before even getting into the fact that he's an abuser (of you and your child).

This is inappropriate and abusive behaviour. I'd have words with him and tell him if he doesn't stop i will leave for child's sake. Hopefully that will make him realise. If not I would follow through on the threat

He will lose his temper again because babies and children are challenging

Exactly, what the fk would he be like with a two - three year old tantrumming regularly; because they do.

It doesn't bear thinking about.

I actually felt physically sick reading your OP.

Your poor child, start making a plan ASAP to leave..

Is there a way you can get evidence of his behaviour, could there be a way of filming or recirdibg without putting yourself at risk? Or do you have witnesses? You need to be ensure that this waste of oxygen doesn't have access to your son.

Oh my God, this is awful and so upsetting. Your poor little boy, and poor you.

This is abuse. Your partner sounds horrible. I could never endure watching my child be treated like this.

Please do not stay - your son will grow up terrified, traumatised and totally lacking self esteem.

Leave him, take your son with you. Do not go back to him, no matter how much he begs.

I have a 17 month old son and I can’t bear to even think about this happening.