To be angry that my sister chose my babies name??

[FantasyPanda]

This will be a bit muddled, bear with me please.
I found out that my older sister has named her newborn daughter the same name as my stillborn baby. Even though I haven't seen her in a couple of years due to a huge blow up, it still hurts that someone could be so insensitive and cruel. The name is very special to me because my now deceased mum chose it for my angel. My sister had no reason to use the name apart from causing hurt.
My ex (children's dad) thinks I should let it go because reacting to it is what she wants. I can see why he said this, but I cannot stop thinking about it. I feel silly being upset over a name, but at the same time it's my daughters, her nieces, name!
Am I justified to feel so upset and angry?

Yanbu so sorry for your loss.

This happened to me in my friendship group. I am so sorry for your loss and that this is happening. You just never, ever think someone close to you would use the same name without forewarning/sensitivity. I can understand how distressed you must be.

If your sister had no idea it was your baby's name (or had forgotten somehow) you could tell yourself it's just an extremely painful and unfortunate coincidence. I assumed this was the case for me and expected to feel upset for a few days and then adapt.

Unfortunately for me the friend made it clear she knew full well and was very insensitive. It is so difficult to know someone with zero empathy, and the damage they inflict can run deep. Normal people do not behave like this.

The only advice I can offer is to please hold on to memories of your own baby, look at pictures often if you have them, etc. It is incredibly triggering to hear your baby's name being used to refer to someone else all the time. It can feel like your baby's memory is being 'written over'.

Oh, and I'm not sure on the advice to 'call her out'. Do if it will help you but everyone who knows you both will see her for who she is anyway. Again, normal people don't do this sort of thing.

She wants a reaction, don’t give it to her.

Are you NC?

So sorry about your baby

I am so very sorry that she did this to you. I myself would never acknowledge her again. Ever. But i am very absolute in how i deal with people who disrespect me. But for you....what you think is best. But my goodness....nothing pleasant.

You're allowed to feel upset. It's a special name, for many reasons.

If you haven't spoken with your sister in 2 years, it's hard to second-guess her true intentions. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I hope time will be kind to both you and your niece - who will eventually find out that she shares her cousin's name. x

YADNBU here! Your DS sounds insensitive at best and downright cruel ar worst .My heartfelt sympathies for your dreadful loss .She sounds awful Im sorry OP

Thank you everyone who has let me know I'm not being unreasonable. I haven't finished reading all the comments but will address some of the questions now.
My mum just loved the name and asked if I would give it to my baby. It's not at all a family name.

My sister is also the type of person who thrives from drama. She's a narcissist and if no one is talking about her, she will create things to make it about her. Some examples of her cruelty; she told my dad my mum is better off dead than with him, she told me my kids should be taken off me, she betrayed the people trying to help her, got with her ex best friends ex and cried abuse after.. it goes on.

She knew that the name is my daughters, she cried with me at the hospital, came to her funeral, wanted to get a tattoo in memory of her.
The rest of my family are absolutely fuming at her.

To answer another question, she used the name as her daughters first name so when ever someone refers to her, it will be that name. Her name is Freya, I can't think of any nicknames to use. I'm not in any way in contact with her, I found out from my dad.

To everyone who has suffered such a devastating loss, I'm so sorry.
@TheVanguardSix thank you for your message, it never gets any easier no matter how much time passes. My LO would have been 6 now, be kind to yourself
@lookbeyond this is pretty much how it is with her. She knew full well what my daughters name is and everyone believes it was done to cause hurt and create attention. I'm so sorry the same thing has happened to you, it honestly feels like just another huge kick in the gut. Thank you for the advice, I don't want to talk to her at all. She will most likely love it if she knew how upset it's made everyone.

@FantasyPanda A huge kick in the guts is exactly what it is. Which is outrageous and shocking that you have to go through this pain in addition to the original pain. I'm so sorry.

Narcissists cause so much bloody pain to others. Topic for another thread maybe but I don't know how they get away with it. Seconding a PP who suggested counselling. Maybe someone who specialises in personality disorders so you know they get it!

OP, I am so sorry.

Your sister has no morals whatsoever, and she deserves it that your family is fuming at her at a time she should be able to enjoy their support.

Your Freya was yours and will always be your special little Freya. She was the baby your Mum wanted to name, and she will bear that name for ever more, a gift from your Mum.

So sorry that your loss has been treated so carelessly. Ongoing

I'm sorry for your loss.

You're not being unreasonable.