To be angry that my sister chose my babies name??

[FantasyPanda]

This will be a bit muddled, bear with me please.
I found out that my older sister has named her newborn daughter the same name as my stillborn baby. Even though I haven't seen her in a couple of years due to a huge blow up, it still hurts that someone could be so insensitive and cruel. The name is very special to me because my now deceased mum chose it for my angel. My sister had no reason to use the name apart from causing hurt.
My ex (children's dad) thinks I should let it go because reacting to it is what she wants. I can see why he said this, but I cannot stop thinking about it. I feel silly being upset over a name, but at the same time it's my daughters, her nieces, name!
Am I justified to feel so upset and angry?

Your sister is insensitive, yanbu

Maybe as she knew her mother had suggested the name for you, she also wanted to honour her mother?

Even if she thought of this as a tribute to your DD or your DM (if it's a family name), to do it without telling you or asking if you were okay with it is unacceptable.

I would usually be one to say you don't own a name and can't dictate what another person can do, but I think this circumstance is very different.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

In any other circumstance I'd say that you don't have the rights to a name, but this is a monumentally nasty thing for her to have done. I'm so sorry!

Yanbu. The rest of your family may come to her defence and say it's a lovely tribute to your little one (mine did when my sister used my eldest's name as middle name for her youngest, my eldest died just after birth) but it's to get a reaction from you. It's hard but ignore ignore ignore as best you can and keep the no contact up.

Some people are just bloody weird and get their kicks in odd ways.

I'm sorry for your loss

YANBU at all.
I’m so sorry for your loss and for now dealing with this.
Realising you aren’t being unreasonable is going to be the first step to finding a way to deal with this. The reality is that she can’t touch your precious and private feelings at all even though now it feels impossible to realise that. They aren’t going anywhere or going to change.
I feel very sorry for her child.
Support op.

That is quite frankly disgusting of her. I would be fuming, hurt, enraged. It’s completely inappropriate. And the fact she didn’t even ask you? She’s awful. Yanbu

I'm very sorry for your loss. You know your late daughter will be remembered and loved and still carried the special name you and your late mother chose. Your DS sounds lacking in EQ and is extremely insensitive. I find it difficult to imagine that a mother would name their child a particular name just to score points or upset someone else though? While she was misplaced in doing so I wonder as she may know your late mother helped choose this name with you, it is also special to her and a way to link family past and present?

@TheSeedsOfADream

Maybe as she knew her mother had suggested the name for you, she also wanted to honour her mother?

This is the only reason I can think of as to why your sister would do give her dd the same name. The fact that you’re not on speaking terms will perhaps mean your sister feels no compulsion to honour your needs and wishes.

I have voted YANBU btw. I just wanted to offer the other perspective, which while childish and selfish is not necessarily designed to be cruel.

I would tell her how much she has hurt you.

@Redwinestillfine

I would tell her how much she has hurt you.

Not sure I’d do that. She may get twisted pleasure.

Awful.
I flinch when I hear another child with our angel baby’s name. To have a child in the family with it is actually incomprehensible.
I’m sorry your sister has chosen to behave in this way.

To those saying maybe the sister wants to honour her mum. Are you suggesting the sister’s want to do this top trumps the OP’s feelings? Do you think it would be okay if the OP’s baby was living?
Totally insensitive.

It's time to cut your ties. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I normally argue that no one owns a name, but in this instance your sister has either been at best hugely insensitive or at worst downright cruel. What a nasty kick in the teeth to give her DD the same name as your little angel.

This is awful, YADNBU. Even if the plan was to honour your DM by using her favourite name, its spectacularly insensitive and hurtful. So sorry for your loss OP

Does she definitely know the name was your childs?

Why did your mum suggest it? Is it a family name? Is your sister trying to honour your mum too?

Perhaps she feels it is the same as naming her child after another relative?

You most definitely are not being YANBU. Twenty three years after my baby was stillborn and even now I still flinch if I hear spmebody with her name. I would be incredibly hurt if a family member used the same name.

@Somethingkindaoooo this is something I would wonder too especially as OP says they havent spoken for a couple of years.

It is easy to forget a name reference, to like a particular name but have forgotten where you have heard it from if you arent reminded regularly that the name has already been used by a close relative.

If I knew two estranged sisters and one had used the name of the other sister's deceased child I would assume the first sister was an absolute lunatic. You should hold your head high and not dignify any of this with a reaction OP.

Your daughter was unique and nothing will ever diminish that, or detract from your memories of her.

Clutching at straws but is there any chance she thought you would be touched and is sending an olive branch to make amends? If these aren't likely then I'm afraid she's just a thoughtless bitch and I wouldn't be wasting any more emotional energy on her. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Perhaps your sister feels she is honouring your mothers wish.

YANBU. Do not react though OP - she clearly wants a reaction from you by doing this.

A few weeks after my son was stillborn, my brother came across a man with the same name who was a client of his company. It was the first time he’d ever met someone with that name (ever, not just since his nephew was born) and he was in bits having to deal with him and hear his name.
I cannot even begin to guess at what is wrong with your sister that she would do this, OP. I think I’d stay quiet for now then the next time an opportunity arises let her know how honoured you are that she’s chosen this name in memory of your daughter, just to piss the bitch off.
I can be a bit childish sometimes.
So sorry to hear about your angel daughter

I wouldn't say anything to her but I would tell any other relatives that this was without your consent, done to spite you. They should know who your sister is.

This is disgusting of her- if it was meant as a tribute, she should’ve talked to you first.

I wouldn’t dignify it with a response though- everyone will see how unhinged it is, don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she’s hurt you. I would never speak to her again.