To be angry that my sister chose my babies name??

[FantasyPanda]

This will be a bit muddled, bear with me please.
I found out that my older sister has named her newborn daughter the same name as my stillborn baby. Even though I haven't seen her in a couple of years due to a huge blow up, it still hurts that someone could be so insensitive and cruel. The name is very special to me because my now deceased mum chose it for my angel. My sister had no reason to use the name apart from causing hurt.
My ex (children's dad) thinks I should let it go because reacting to it is what she wants. I can see why he said this, but I cannot stop thinking about it. I feel silly being upset over a name, but at the same time it's my daughters, her nieces, name!
Am I justified to feel so upset and angry?

That is a terrible thing to do. I’m so very sorry, OP. I don’t think I would be able to move past this. Have you spoken to her about it at all?

to you....

Not very nice at all and very insensitive.

Also sorry about the little one you lost. Sending lots of love to you. Take care

Your sister can name her baby as she wishes. However, under these circumstances it leads me to think she has no regard or love for you at all. This seems horribly cruel.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your sister has been very insensitive and cruel.

This us awful, your sister is very wrong.

But you need to learn how to deal with this, if that is NC that's fine. But you can't let this mean that you have negative thoughts about your DDs name.

I hope that makes sense and I hope you can do it.

My still born twins are always mentioned, their bday is celebrated every year and I have pictures of them in my home as they were born perfect just sleeping. If my sister did this I would be fuming.

That is beyond dreadful. I would never speak to her again.

Could you tell us why your mum chose that name @FantasyPanda?

Dear God YANBU. It beggars belief what your sister has done. Unbelievably cruel with no thought to how it would affect you.

Your sister is very insensitive! I remember a friend wanting to name her dauhter the same as my stillborn baby. She asked though and I said yes. It felt honourable to me and not out of spite.

Just shocking - on every level. I am so sorry op

Just like many of the PPs I was coming on here to say that you don’t have ownership of a particular name but I agree, your sister is at best tone deaf, at worst cruel. If she is the latter, and it sounds as if she is, then I think your Ex is absolutely right, or at least partly right; you can’t easily “let it go” but you must not communicate with her about it. If she’s as nasty as she sounds she might get perverse pleasure from any visible reaction. I would continue with NC.

So yes, YANBU to be upset and angry but perhaps there is a way to get some peace about the situation so it doesn’t fester. Is there someone you can talk to in RL? A good friend, even a counsellor? I think these things are better out than in and perhaps there are elements of what has happened in the past that would be useful to discuss so that you can feel more neutral about what your sister has done or continues to do. It sounds like you’ve had a lot on your plate.

I’m so sorry for those of you who have experienced such tragic losses :(

This is beyond insensitive.
I would cut any remaining ties that you have with her and would ask other relatives not to discuss any aspect of her or her life with you.
Time to protect yourself from further hurt

Totally justified in feeling upset. I would remain no contact and close down what ever channel of communication allowed you to find out this information e.g if it was via social media then delete her, if it from mutual family make it clear that you don’t wish to know anything more about her.

I'm so very sorry about your baby

Your sister was either actively cruel in using your baby's name, or painfully lacking in empathy. Neither of these traits are likely be altered by telling her how you feel. And if telling her how you feel doesn't give her cause for regret, you won't have gained anything. In fact you might feel even worse. I would say protect yourself and stay away from her.

I think she's done this as a link to your Mum because your Mum chose the name. She's given no thought to your feelings whatsoever, it was cruel and insensitive. I wouldn't react but I would have no contact with her at all.

What a cruel bitch she is. Really sorry she's done that to you.

In this instance your sister should really have had a conversation with you before she named her child.

My husband and I love the name my cousin chose for her stillborn daughter and we agreed that if LO was a girl we would not use it (turned out to be a boy anyway). I would use the name now but we are completely estranged from that family and whatever we did would be used as evidence that we are evil

As PP say, in 99.9999% of circumstances, no one owns a name and it is fine for two cousins to have the same forename. In the case of a stillborn baby it is spectacularly insensitive and cruel to do this.

I hope the name has some kind of nickname or contraction that means that your niece can be known as a different "version" of the name than your much-grieved daughter, is that possible?

This isn't a normal "you don't own a name" situation. That's really cruel. I would be angry, and very hurt. I'm sorry she has done this.

Its very common for children to be named after family members that have passed and the name meant something to her mother

This isn't the usual 'you don't own a name' situation. She is being incredibly insensitive. YANBU.

I agree to send the card with the wording suggested above. Hold the moral high ground, it’ll be better for your mental health in the end.

It’d be VERY difficult, in your position, not to gush to the whole family about how lovely it is to have Chloe2 in the family. Make Chloe2 the natural way everyone thinks of the new baby. But I’m not recommending that strategy for you. I’d be very tempted though. VERY.

This is, at best, breathtakingly thoughtless and insensitive of your sister.

Even if it is meant as some sort of tribute, it’s extremely insensitive to not talk to you about it first.

Your sister... she's all sorts of twisted in the head if she feels ok with her decision.
I feel for you deeply.
I had a stillborn daughter. She would be 9 now. And I came upon her hand/footprints last night when I was sorting through a box in the loft. There was her name, etched crudely into the clay. I just burst out crying, absolutely sobbing. It was her name as much as her footprints that just took me back to that season of pain. I hear her name in the playground. It's no longer 'mine' to cry over really. But good Lord, if my brother (don't have a sister) had named his DD the same name, that would crush me. There are things one doesn't do. It's beyond the pale, what your sister has done. I am so sorry for you. So, so sorry.
You can ascend this present pain with grace and integrity. You have been through worse. You are strong enough. You are allowed to cry bitter tears. I know I would. But your love for your own daughter will allow you the strength to get through this acute pain.