To think drink driving does not mean lose your license?

[berks]

Regular poster but name changed.

DH was arrested for drunk driving last night after crashing his car. He blew 104 on the breathalyser then tested 57 at the police station several hours later. He broke his wrist so had to go to hospital before the station.

He's the sole earner in our family- I haven't worked since 2014 since I had our first child- we have 3 DCs (age 6, 3 and 1). If he loses his license he won't be able to get to work which is 15 miles away and not near public transport.

He seems to think that because of this he may be allowed to keep his license. I am desperately clinging to this.

I know what he did is wrong, I know what could have happened so please don't lecture me- he's in more trouble at home I assure you.

I haven't stopped crying all morning. He's such an idiot.

I doubt it. If he was over the limit for driving.

He aught to lose his licence. It’s lucky someone didn’t lose their life or suffer life changing injuries. He made the choice to get behind the wheel under the influence of alcohol. Had he thought of the consequences before hand things would have been different. I feel heartily sorry for you, but I have not a shread of sympathy for him.

IMO the ban should be for life.

OP has just had her whole life turned upside down and was desperately clinging to the (false) hope that some sort of normality could be maintained. That seems fairly normal and excusable considering the shock she has had. Nowhere has she condoned his actions.

OP, as others have previously mentioned, be careful about being forced into the position of "fixing" the problems caused by his conviction. He caused this, and he needs to bear the brunt of the consequences. If you can't take him and the kids in the morning, then the kids go and he finds his own way to work (when you find a job you may not be able to take him anyway). I would think very carefully about remaining married to someone who could do this, but that isn't something to make a rushed decision on.

Is there a friend or family member who can support you? This isn't your shame to bear, so don't make the mistake of trying to hide it. Call on your friends and family for support and help, this is likely to be the start of a really tough time for you.

If you think it's acceptable for him to keep driving OP, you're as morally bankrupt as he is.

I hope you live nowhere near me.

He absolutely should lose his licence

He should’ve thought about the impact that would have before he drove drunk.

I have sympathy for you as it wasn’t your fault but absolutely none for him.

@berks This is not your fault. It is totally on him. I wanted to let you know though that from personal experience, someone being banned from driving (especially with no notice) has a big impact on your life, much more so than if they had never driven or had a car.

I wasn't banned for drink driving but had to surrender my licence with no notice as I'm an epileptic and had a seizure out of the blue - when it had been controlled and I had driven for over 20 years (nocturnal epilepsy so it wouldn't have happened at the wheel and I was allowed to drive, but you always have to have been seizure free for over one year)

The impact on our family has been huge (and I know this is a first world problem but I have a disability so it is especially awkward) and believe me if I had caused all this through my own fault, I think DH would have left me, as much as we love each other, for the fucking stupidly and selfish irresponsibility causing the whole family so much stress and upset.

Deliberately risking people's lives (including other people's children) as well as risking his own and leaving you widowed and your DC without their dad.

Having to tell his boss. Possibly it being in the local press. Having to tell all your friends and family. If my friend or family member had done this I would not be able to get past it, knowing my nephew was killed by a drink driver and his family destroyed. Perhaps your friends and family will be in the same boat and want no contact with him. Your DC will know what he has done.

Even without that, especially when you have DC, becoming the sole chauffeur for everyone including your selfish stupid DH is a big fucking pain in the arse. Nipping to the shops as you have no bread. DC has a party nowhere near public transport. Parents evening. DC has a play date nowhere near transport. Having a hospital appointment in the middle of the day and having to get back to work or the school run and public transport won't get you there in time. Getting a call from school your DC is sick and you have to collect them immediately. You having to do all this or the money for taxis coming out of your household budget (and they are not cheap). You want to go on holiday or you want a day out. You're doing all the driving.

And this is without the court case, fine, criminal record which will affect a number of things even including house and contents insurance, applying for jobs, everything.

How do you feel about your marriage in light of all this? I worry you would have so much resentment and anger, not just today when it's a big shock, but the lasting effects on you and your DC for all the reasons above. He has been horrifically selfish and stupid and it may be beyond your forgiveness so it may be worth planning for that.

I'm sorry for your stress not just with dealing with the practicalities but knowing you DH could do this to you and your DC.

Sorry, I type slowly so it isn't clear that my first paragraph was in response to a poster upthread castigating the OP.

He will have to buy an e bike and cycle to work or you will have to get a job and him stay home with the children.

just to confirm. i am a magistrate. it is an automatic ban if guilty. no room for argument or extenuating circumstances.

Nah, sorry but I’ve got no sympathy for someone who doesn’t want their drink driver husband to lose his license as it may impact on their family life and force her to work. I make no apologies for this.

I tend to agree,

Obviously he wouldn't drive if he's sick but he's not banned yet was my point.

I wouldn't be so sure. I bet this time last week you'd have said he'd never drive when shitfaced.

If his wrist is broken like you said it is then he shouldn't be driving. He sounds like such a selfish arsehole, putting peoples lives at risk with his choice to drive while pissed and now again driving with a broken wrist.

Would your insurance cover any potential accidents he caused by knowingly driving with a broken wrist?

Cannot believe this post. Of course he will be disqualified at the very least. My gran was killed by a drunk driver. It’s disgusting that people think it’s ok for them to drink and drive

And also, public transport at the moment is obviously an added risk to his health, your health, his DCs health.

I get a free travel pass because epilepsy, but also the cost of bus and train fares is

Also, from someone bitter and resentful (sadly I really am ) that they're not allowed to drive, seeing drink driving pricks like your DH being such total arseholes, infuriates me and I sincerely wish it was one strike and you're out, banned for life and a six month prison sentence automatically.

Sorry as this situation is not your fault, it's your DH, but these are people's attitudes and you may well face judgement, not for his behaviour but your behaviour in seeming to condone this by not leaving him and also hoping that he won't be banned. It really sucks. I feel for you.

I hope he does, but most likely he won't because the law is an ass when it comes to dickheads in their cars.

My DS was hit so hard by a drink driver that his bike was bent in 2. It was only luck that my son was not more seriously injured. The driver was driving so erratically and dangerously that a car following along behind forced them off the road and took his keys.

The drunk driver kept his licence even though he was 3.5 times over the limit because he ran a gallery in central London and could not possibly use taxis or couriers to move his art about. Also part of his defence was he couldn't remember hitting DS.

We had to bring a civil case to recover the cost of the bike. My DS a promising road cyclist very rarely rides on UK roads anymore and 5 years later still has nightmares.

The bar is very low. I hope your husband what ever the out come never ever gets into a car to drive it ever again without remembering what could have been and feeling a tremendous weight of guilt.

My DH's brother was killed by a drunk driver when he was 15 so I am sorry but I think he should lose his licence - despite your circumstances.

He is dangerous

OP, I feel sympathy for you. He's put your family in a terrible situation.
Will insurance cover the car?
Will he be able to work with a broken wrist?
Cycling sees the obvious practical solution.

But I'd be worrying about how much he drinks. And I'd be planning financial independence.

Surely pretty much everyone who gets a driving ban 'needs' to be able to drive. Most people don't have cars for no reason. We have them to get to work and to take out dc to school etc.

The point of a ban is to make your life difficult so that you don't do it again.

@YouJustDoYou

This is exactly what I was trying to get across in the SAHP discussion a few days ago and how in the long term anything can happen to make the main breadwinner lose their job and suddenly the sahp is years out of work with zero up to date references.

Your dh better get used to cycling.

Yes, I always think this on the ‘shall I give up my job and be a SAHP‘ threads.

It only takes one thing. Illness, accident, a moments and the poor SAHP is left frantically job hunting with an out of date CV and skills.

Doesn’t help the OP, here of Course, and much sympathy to her situation. But it does need to be a factor in deciding whether to give up work. How screwed would you be if something happened to affect the breadwinners ability to earn.

I'm sorry you're in this situation OP, you are not responsible for your DH stupidity, you aren't making excuses for him yet people are giving you a very hard time.

I would tell your DH he has to find his own way of getting to work, even short term driving him to and from work each day will be a major pain for you. A bike electric or traditional seems a good option.

Absolute offence. No defence. Also, a ban is 100% certain. Might be able to reduce it slightly by going on a course. Blowing that much at the side of the road is absolutely deplorable.

He'll lose his licence OP and you will be facing a significant fine, I would think.

What does he do for work?

I appreciate you must be very stressed but you need to consider yourselves very lucky he only broke his wrist. He could have hit someone and be facing prison time.

And also, public transport at the moment is obviously an added risk to his health, your health, his DCs health.

I'd rather take my chances of him passing me covid than him running over and killing my kids.

OP I just saw that his car is a write off, coupled with his wrist can one assume that he crashes it last night when he was pissed?

I was coming to write a long post about practical ways to manage his commute without a car but op, you have bigger problems than this. You need to accept the seriousness of what he did. Saying that you know it was bad BUT, saying that he can drive your car until the ban, saying he can drive safely with a broken wrist... none of that implies you really get it. People could have died because your DH thinks it's acceptable to drive drunk. If that isn't bad enough, he, sole breadwinner, thinks its acceptable to risk his family's wellbeing like this. There will be a way for him to get to work, it might cost a bit more in terms of money and time and effort, but it will be possible. Stop thinking about that and think about the man you're married to. Why is he so selfish, thoughtless and arrogant? Why are you OK with that?