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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think drink driving does not mean lose your license?

453 replies

berks · 27/09/2020 12:44

Regular poster but name changed.

DH was arrested for drunk driving last night after crashing his car. He blew 104 on the breathalyser then tested 57 at the police station several hours later. He broke his wrist so had to go to hospital before the station.

He's the sole earner in our family- I haven't worked since 2014 since I had our first child- we have 3 DCs (age 6, 3 and 1). If he loses his license he won't be able to get to work which is 15 miles away and not near public transport.

He seems to think that because of this he may be allowed to keep his license. I am desperately clinging to this.

I know what he did is wrong, I know what could have happened so please don't lecture me- he's in more trouble at home I assure you.

I haven't stopped crying all morning. He's such an idiot.

OP posts:

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 28/09/2020 13:32

The limit is 35μg/100ml of breath.

35 x 3 = 105, he blew 104.
It's as near as dammit.

Heidi1976 · 28/09/2020 13:35

I only know of one person personally who this has happened to. Professional job, required car. Lost his license for almost 2 years. Y

GladAllOver · 28/09/2020 13:39

The limit is 35μg/100ml of breath.

35 x 3 = 105, he blew 104.
It's as near as dammit.

That doesn't count for the conviction. The prosecution can only use the 57 he blew on the evidential machine in the police station.

lowlandLucky · 28/09/2020 13:43

Be thankful they are taking his licence away, it may cause you stress but at least he didn't kill someone. He wasn't just over the limit he was rat arsed and you both know it.

Browneyesbigbum · 28/09/2020 13:43

He SHOULD lose his licence since he is a danger to others and a selfish twat to boot

bluebluezoo · 28/09/2020 13:47

15 miles is doable on a cycle.

He needs to get a bike. You need to think about how vulnerable you are financially. What if he had injured himself so badly he couldn’t work? Or died? What if he is made redundant or loses his job- in my field a conviction for DUI is also immediate dismissal.

Are you paying into a pension? How would you survive if you didn’t have Dh’s income?

emotionalbutterfly · 28/09/2020 14:28

@Otterhound not actually true. The person I know who lost his licence paid £320 before he lost his licence and £535 when he got it back.

Changethetoner · 28/09/2020 14:35

Practical solutions to consider-
organize a car share to work.
use taxis.
use taxi to the bus stop, then use bus/train.
you drive him there/back.
bicycle.

ProfessorSlocombe · 28/09/2020 14:44

organize a car share to work

Who want to share a car with a convicted drunk driver ?

TurquoiseDress · 28/09/2020 21:50

Why "unfortunately "?

Do you think they shouldn't?

I used the word unfortunately to acknowledge the difficult situation which OP is currently facing, hoping that her DH won't lose his driving license.

I absolutely do believe that anyone convicted of driving while under the influence of alcohol should most definitely lose their license, no debate about this.

Thurmanmurman · 28/09/2020 21:53

Sorry for you OP but he'll lose it and rightly so. I hate people who drink and drive.

imissthesouth · 29/09/2020 14:47

I can't believe people suggested OP leaves her DH, yes he made a mistake but he'll learn his lesson. My sympathies OP, it's really difficult not being able to drive😕

ProfessorSlocombe · 29/09/2020 14:49

he'll learn his lesson.

Why is he so special ? Do you know him ?

mouseistrapped · 29/09/2020 14:55

Sorry OP but you'll have to move house realistically.

I know you are upset and crying but flip it and imagine the real upset you'd be feeling if he'd killed someone.

If they didn't have these huge penalties more people would do it . It has to be a bit life changing for the offender to get a grip on what he or she has done. You do have alternatives albeit not very easy ones.

It make feel like the worst thing but the positive is far far worse could have happened and it didn't and that's the way you need to think about it - good luck

imissthesouth · 29/09/2020 15:26

@ProfessorSlocombe
he's not special, in fact I think he's a bit of a twat if he decided to drink and drive, just the OP is left to pick up the pieces

ProfessorSlocombe · 29/09/2020 15:32

[quote imissthesouth]@ProfessorSlocombe
he's not special, in fact I think he's a bit of a twat if he decided to drink and drive, just the OP is left to pick up the pieces [/quote]
Oh, I agree. I was just responding to the poster who was suggesting he'd "learned his lesson". Experience sadly contradicts that. In the same way speeders also never learn.

bluebluezoo · 29/09/2020 16:13

I can't believe people suggested OP leaves her DH, yes he made a mistake but he'll learn his lesson. My sympathies OP, it's really difficult not being able to drive😕

For me, someone who drinks and drives has a problem with alcohol.

They do not “learn their lesson” until they stop drinking.

Odd are, this is not the first time he has been driving drunk, but the first time he was caught.

For me to stay with a drink driver they’d have to commit to giving up alcohol completely. It’s that big a deal. If they don’t have a problem that should be no big deal, if it is, then they can choose alcohol over me and their family.

ProfessorSlocombe · 29/09/2020 17:00

They do not “learn their lesson” until they stop drinking.

Or have a life changing accident. Only it's rarely their lives that get changed. But the poor sod they hit - or more often than not poor sods family as poor sod is killed.

newnameforthis123 · 29/09/2020 20:27

I can't believe people suggested OP leaves her DH, yes he made a mistake but he'll learn his lesson.

Many of us genuinely would leave a partner for drink driving. He was three times over the limit, crashed and broke his wrist. He was driving incredibly dangerously to do that.

Those of us who have been affected by the actions of selfish dickheads who drink drive absolutely would leave.

It's about boundaries. I wouldn't stay with someone who cheated because their values and commitment to their responsibilities would be so different to what I want in a partner and what I can personally tolerate.

Same with drink driving. For many, many of us.

Luckily for him OP doesn't seem to feel that way especially as she agreed with his plan to drive to work until his court date where he will be banned... with a broken wrist. She was a victim of this but is now complicit in his dangerous driving if he does this and she is ok with it.

Snog · 30/09/2020 00:41

I suspect he will lose his licence for 2 years OP. You may need to move closer to work.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 30/09/2020 01:06

My sympathies OP, it's really difficult not being able to drive

No it isn’t not at all.

what is really difficult is seeing your child/sibling/parent on life support because they’ve been hit by a drunk driver

What is really difficult is having to make the decision to turn that life support off.

What is really difficult is answering the door to police that your family member has been so far over the limit and their crash so bad that there was nothing left than the emergency services recovering their body

What is really difficult is explaining to children why mummy/daddy isn’t coming home.

What is really difficult is arranging a loved ones funeral.

What is really difficult is doing all of that knowing that oh it’s ok OPs husband can still drive her car with a broken wrist because oh it’s ok that her husband was three times over the limit.

No sorry being mildly unconvinced by her dick head husband not being able to drive IS NOT really difficult.

Not at all!

BiblioX · 30/09/2020 05:51

I was the child of a drink-driver...more than anything I wish my mother had had the guts to actually draw the line at this completely unacceptable behaviour.
You should end your marriage, this isn’t some “better or worse” drama - this is a person, a father, choosing a course of action knowing that it is incredibly dangerous. How a parent can endanger other people’s loved ones by drink driving is completely beyond me. Repugnant. Oh, and it WILL change the relationships you both have with your children. If you do not leave you are showing them it’s okay to drink drive for goodness sake!!! You are showing them it’s okay for their Dad to risk their lives and other children’s lives. It will stay with them forever.
Oh and it’s naive to believe he hasn’t driven drunk with them in the car before btw. I was too terrified to tell anyone. He crashed with me in the car in the end. You are condoning it if you stay. Again, repugnant.

thedancingbear · 30/09/2020 06:24

Oh and it’s naive to believe he hasn’t driven drunk with them in the car before btw. I was too terrified to tell anyone. He crashed with me in the car in the end. You are condoning it if you stay. Again, repugnant.

Exactly this. The OP's husband clearly, on multiple occasions, drives around after seven or eight pints. The OP will know this from all the occasions when he's arrived home, in the car, half-cut, like he would've done this time had he not crashed.