To think drink driving does not mean lose your license?

[berks]

Regular poster but name changed.

DH was arrested for drunk driving last night after crashing his car. He blew 104 on the breathalyser then tested 57 at the police station several hours later. He broke his wrist so had to go to hospital before the station.

He's the sole earner in our family- I haven't worked since 2014 since I had our first child- we have 3 DCs (age 6, 3 and 1). If he loses his license he won't be able to get to work which is 15 miles away and not near public transport.

He seems to think that because of this he may be allowed to keep his license. I am desperately clinging to this.

I know what he did is wrong, I know what could have happened so please don't lecture me- he's in more trouble at home I assure you.

I haven't stopped crying all morning. He's such an idiot.

MartiniDry, quite a few posters have lost family and friends to drink drivers. On this occasion, it didn't happen, did it?

Very many of us have been on speeding courses - and others have lost people to drivers losing control of their vehicles at speed. We (the errant speeders) either do or don't learn our lessons and not speed again. That's why we have a legal system in place to moderate and punish as appropriate.

I could understand the anger if it were the husband himself posting, but it isn't, is it? Sanctimony to the OP is misplaced and entirely unfair. In her position, I would be beside myself with worry and I feel desperately sorry for her.

Interesting comment, OP 🤔

‘I’ve never seen him drink-drive before.’

Have you suspected it though?

I disagree with PPs that you should be driving him to work. You have enough on your plate with 3 smallies! Make it his problem to fix. How does he intend to support your family without a car?

"If it were my DH, he'd be gone"... Yes, I'm sure that would happen. Back In the real world...

TheRealJeanLouise, let's not pretend. You certainly don't hate to say it because you just have. It's not your husband, your life, so quite easy, eh?

Sorry but I'm glad he's going to lose his licence. He was well over the limit and could have killed others when he crashed.

Personally, I think he should never drive again.

I think he will loose his license

I do hate to say it @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe because I do believe people make mistakes, really stupid ones but some things are just beyond. If my husband did this he wouldn’t be the person I thought I married and I’m quite capable of feeling empathy, having seen a very many times what happens to families on both sides of the mistake. I can imagine how horrific this situation is now and how OP might be feeling going forward.

I could understand the anger if it were the husband himself posting, but it isn't, is it? Sanctimony to the OP is misplaced and entirely unfair.

I think what some people are reacting to is the fact that her primary concern, as per the thread title, is more the impact on her lifestyle (having to drive everywhere) than the seriousness of the crime...and also the fact that she's talking about him continuing to drive until he's been officially banned in a court. (Are you not automatically banned once charged? I don't know.) She doesn't seem to appreciate the gravity of it.

With that said, there are definitely some posts that were clearly written solely to twist the knife.

Worth pointing out that just "losing your licence" isn't a sure fire deterrent to someone stupid enough to drink drive in the first place.

How many times have we read stories about a disqualified driver who went on to kill someone driving while banned ?

And FWIW @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe, but obviously you know all this already seeing as you know everything, in this house we have one rule for those old enough to drink and that is not a sip of alcohol passes your lips if you intend to go near a steering wheel. It’s always been so and it always will be so.

I feel sorry for you. Your DH has been criminally stupid, and you will feel the negative impact. He will, and should, lose his licence. But you are not mourning his death. He's not locked up having killed someone else. Losing his licence is so much less important compared to these. But it shouldn't be you having to try to find solutions. It's his clusterfuck, it should be him shovelling the shit of the aftermath. Not you.

‘More trouble at home’?

He’s still living there with you? Then no, he isn’t.

Have also lost someone to a drink driver.

So I hate your husband and hope he gets a long ban.

They base the ban off what you blow at the station, so for 54 he should get 12 months and be offered the course to reduce it by 1/3 so it will only be 8 months.

I’m sorry he has chosen to put your family through this, not only has he endangered lives he has shown a huge lack of result for you and his children. He chose to break the law, he chose to put his family at risk, he needs to be the one to fix it.

He can get a bicycle, but as others have said he is not safe to drive or cycle with a broken wrist. He shouldn’t be swapping one form of dangerous road use to another.

I like a drink, personally I never drink any alcohol before driving and if I have had more than 2/3 drinks the night before I breathalise myself if I feel fine in the morning to see I am legal to drive, but also to check that my levels are very low as if they’re still highish but legal I wouldn’t drive.

Yes, he will lose his license, probably for a good amount of time given his reading. What a stupid, selfish thing to do. I'm sorry he put you and your family in this position x

TheRealJeanLouise, well yes, that's what most people do - we don't drink and drive ONE DROP either but we don't actually have a law that supports that. The law allows for a certain amount of alcohol to be drunk and for people to drive afterwards. It's ridiculous. It should be zero alcohol for driving, not one drop.

We're not in disagreement on that point, I think.

The thing is about defence of necessity/extenuating circumstances etc allowing someone to keep their licence, is that is should be vanishingly rare - it shouldn't even exist, IMO. The only response to someone trying to claim it is "tough shit", surely?

I lost my licence completely out of the blue and with no notice at all/immediately, which took away my independence (motability vehicle), had a huge impact on my life and I would have lost my job if I was still employed. My DCs had to give up certain activities, I couldn't provide care for my elderly parents, I can't get to the specialist hospital I'm under as there is insufficient public transport. Taxis are really expensive here and we are a low income family. Public transport generally is shit round here anyway and some is inaccessible to disabled people. It's fucked my life.

But at the end of the day it's simply tough shit for me. There is no leeway at all for epileptic drivers and looking at it objectively, there shouldn't be. It doesn't matter that I lose my job or my parents don't get any care etc - it's completely irrelevant. I'm not allowed behind the wheel.

And it wasn't a choice I made, it wasn't my fault in any way. Drink drivers however actively choose to put themselves in that situation so to hear someone (and I know the drink driving wasn't the action of OP but she was hoping for this defence) trying to wheedle extenuating circumstances to avoid a ban, is to me very infuriating.

I posted in support before for @berks
and I mean it. I genuinely feel sympathy as I know her life is going to get a lot more shit and her DH caused this not her. But his behaviour is indefensible and giving reasons he shouldn't be banned is not good and I really think should be avoided, as apart from the moral considerations, it means people won't be as sympathetic to her which is shit. @berks you will get a lot more support and sympathy if you accept he should lose his licence. Doing this will also help reinforce your anger at his behaviour, and you should be angry! It's not you and him against the world hoping he will keep his licence, it should be him accepting he will and should lose his licence and trying his best to make this as easy for you as possible and being genuinely apologetic.

"Don't worry honey, I'll explain to the court why I shouldn't be punished because if I they do I would lose my job and we would have no income and it'll be awful for you and the DC. So they should let me off for your sake"

OR

"I'm so sorry for what I've done. I know there is no excuse and I will lose my job and we will have no income and it's going to be awful for you and the DC. I'm so sorry I will do everything I can to find alternatives and I'm sorry I have deliberately put you and the DC in this situation"

(I said before this would be a deal breaker for me and it would due to the selfishness and stupidity)

A year’s ban isn’t enough IMO. 5yrs would be more effective. Lifetime ban for a repeat offender.
I know how it feels to lose someone close due to the idiocy of someone else taking charge of a ton of metal whilst drunk.
No excuses. No sympathy and yes, without hesitation, I would leave my husband if he did this. How could I stay with someone who wilfully puts others at risk?

So because you have young kids and you don't work your idiot husband thinks he will exempt from a driving ban?

While I don't think coals should be heaped onto the OP's head, I can see why some might find it difficult to understand or empathize with the concerns about keeping his license in this situation.

As someone who was forced into a car with an intoxicated driver as a child (alcohol plus pills), one of the things that most upsets me about the situation is how family members focused more on making sure she got a good lawyer so the DUI would be reduced to Reckless Operation than making sure she couldn't do it again (which, where I'm from in the US, that automatically dropped the endangerment to a child charge).

Obviously the husband is at fault for his actions, and should be held fully responsible for his crime and the lack of consideration towards his family and others & sort out the issue with his employment, but those who would enable a dangerous driver can also cause harm. In this situation, thankfully no one else was involved so the concern for the licence can be seen as just a little thoughtless, but that was just luck and someone willing to do that may be willing to press their luck further. Any 'trouble at home' should consider that.

Lost my MIL to a drink driver, have no time or space, people like that should not be allowed on the road.

The devastation it caused our family was a pain like no other. Never recovered from it

Seriously how can anyone be so deluded?! Hope it's a long ban. Disgusting man.

Cars are not just a way to get to work. They are killing machines OP.
I am sorry you are in this situation for probably no fault of your own (has he done something like this before and you knew it?) but it is what it is and the ban is there for a reason.
Leaving this here:

www.alcoholalert.com/poem-against-drunk-driving.html

@beenheresince2001

Is this a joke? Three times the limit? I couldn't give a toss if you don't want to be lectured, I'm sure many people who have lost loved ones to idiots like your Dh don't feel your pain, absolutely disgusting.

And how the fuck is this the OP's fault, exactly???

I'm sorry OP, as others have said, there is no chance he'll keep his licence. I'm so sorry for the impact that this will have on you and the children.

I’m so very sorry for those that have lost anyone to drink driving.

It is such an anti social choice to make

I reckon the op will have this thread deleted as somehow “too outing”.