To think drink driving does not mean lose your license?

[berks]

Regular poster but name changed.

DH was arrested for drunk driving last night after crashing his car. He blew 104 on the breathalyser then tested 57 at the police station several hours later. He broke his wrist so had to go to hospital before the station.

He's the sole earner in our family- I haven't worked since 2014 since I had our first child- we have 3 DCs (age 6, 3 and 1). If he loses his license he won't be able to get to work which is 15 miles away and not near public transport.

He seems to think that because of this he may be allowed to keep his license. I am desperately clinging to this.

I know what he did is wrong, I know what could have happened so please don't lecture me- he's in more trouble at home I assure you.

I haven't stopped crying all morning. He's such an idiot.

The OP's husband hasn't covered himself in glory, but then neither have most of you with your responses.
Incidentally, were I married to any of you I would be regretting choosing such a sanctimonious, not to mention cruel person for my life partner.

OP, I didn't mean to sound judgmental when I suggested considering if drinking might be a bigger problem that this one occasion. When you are close to someone its possible to get used to behaviour that is actually problematic. Sometimes being caught drink driving can be the first time families see problem drinking for what it is.

Drink driving is attempted murder.

Whatever your emotions and feelings, that just isn't true.

I’m so sorry this happened, 💐

All concern for how will be getting back and forth from work is on him.

I suspect this is not the first time he has driven over the limit perhaps first time he has had to face consequences for his drinking.

Please look after yourself and your children. You and your husband have some very hard conversations ahead.

Why are you questioning the OP as to how SHE can possibly stay with this man? Why are some of you so utterly determined to heap coals on her head just because she had the audacity to post about her situation? Is she some sort of 'lesser woman' not to have immediately posted that she would be LTB?

If OP had mentioned this herself then fair enough but she hasn't. I imagine she has enough going on at the moment without having to contemplate and arrange the end of her marriage at Mumsnet behest.

This site is a vile place sometimes.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Couldn't have said it any better than you just did.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Why are you questioning the OP as to how SHE can possibly stay with this man? Why are some of you so utterly determined to heap coals on her head just because she had the audacity to post about her situation? Is she some sort of 'lesser woman' not to have immediately posted that she would be LTB?

If OP had mentioned this herself then fair enough but she hasn't. I imagine she has enough going on at the moment without having to contemplate and arrange the end of her marriage at Mumsnet behest.

This site is a vile place sometimes.

Absolutely! There are some posters here who have done nothing but achieve a self-satisfied sense of smugness at the expense of further hurting a person going through, what could quite possibly be, the worst time of her life - through no fault of her own.

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace

Drink driving is attempted murder.

Whatever your emotions and feelings, that just isn't true.

Legally yes.

Morally ? If someone deliberately undertakes a course of action that they damn well know can result in serious injury or death, then it's hard to dismiss manslaughter.

That said, public policy has to recognise that the harsher the penalties for some offences, the less likely juries are to convict. And sadly it seems - or it used to be - that speeding, and drink-driving do seem to trip the "the but for the grace of God" gene in enough people to make it problematic.

All of which being said, I can't see any good reason apart from legislative laziness to mandate all serious moving motoring offences should require a retest - and a mandated probationary period after that to ensure the offender got the fucking message.

@ChelseeDagger

The OP's husband hasn't covered himself in glory, but then neither have most of you with your responses. Incidentally, were I married to any of you I would be regretting choosing such a sanctimonious, not to mention cruel person for my life partner.

This too!

With him being THAT much over the limit it won't be a case of if he's banned or not, it'll more be how long the ban will be for:(

He'd be best to rack his brains on how to find a way of getting to and from work.

Possible car share?, bike if at all possible i know of some who do longer distances possibely and electric bike?

Can he see if he can change jobs and find somewhere nearer to home?. Or see if he can fo ind a room to lodge in for the week?.

OK yes he's been a grade A pilliock but the sad thing is that you and the children should't suffer as a result of it. Mind you around our way two children one 3 and the other 11 have lost their mum and dad in the same crash the other driver was sodden with drink.

@thedancingbear

Based on what he blew, he's probably looking at community service (assuming this is a first offence), and not just a fine/ban:

www.drinkdriving.org/drink_driving_sentencing_guidelines.php#excess_alcohol

Not really compatible with paid employment. Hey ho.

If someone's in paid employment, community service will be done outside their working hours. For many crimes, though perhaps not drink driving, stable employment reduces the likelihood of reoffending after all.

Of course OP's husband may get sacked anyway, either because they can't do their job without driving or because the employer regards the drink-driving as unacceptable conduct.

But if he can sort out the practicalities and has a tolerant employer, he can keep his job.

@Bbang

You’re minimising and he sounds completely unrepentant, I’m for once genuinely lost for words.

Disgusting.

Clearly not.

Also, a lot of people mentioning the amount - remember the courts will have to go on the evidential result, which is in the lowest "bracket" for sentencing guidelines. We might think that's not right morally, but that's how the law is.

@ChelseeDagger

The OP's husband hasn't covered himself in glory, but then neither have most of you with your responses. Incidentally, were I married to any of you I would be regretting choosing such a sanctimonious, not to mention cruel person for my life partner.

As others have said he was a least three times over the limit. This is not just bad luck because he was marginaly over. He was blind drunk and deserves everythis that is coming to him. He clearly had no thought for anyone else and deserves no sympathy. I would be unapologetically sanctimonious if I'd lost someone to a drunk driver.

He can get a pushbike.

I'm so sorry op as this is not your fault and it will be you and the children who suffer. He will definitely get a ban. My stepson got done for drink driving a few years ago, I can't remember his level but it wasn't very high (he had had 3 pints in the pub), he had an instant 12 month ban and was told if he did it again it would be a 5 year ban.

I cannot stand drink drivers there is absolutely no excuse and your husband is a dick but it's not your fault and I feel for you.

I feel sorry for you @berks because I can see how difficult it is for you on a number of levels. At the very least he needs to sort it out for himself by finding a lift share and causing you the minimum disruption.

Speaking as someone who had a very close relative killed by someone like your DH, causing not just a year’s worth of inconvenience but many years of devastation, I hope he loses his licence because unless he feels some real pain, shame and nuisance he’ll do it again and next time it might not be just a broken wrist. I’m not lecturing you OP because this isn’t your fault and he should have thought about you but I just can’t read something like that and not mention the possibilities beyond losing a licence. In fact my family member was killed over 30 years ago but the impact is still felt today.

Why should we give a shit if he loses his license? He doesnt give a shit about fellow roadusers or pedestrians.

I know someone who recently got off with being caught after claiming a threat was put on their life so they had to drive to safety. However I think money must have crossed hands

I think what has upset people is the OP 'desperately clinging to the hope' (her words) that he should still be allowed to fucking drive after crashing his car whilst three times over the limit.

Hang the fact that he could've killed someone, the thing that matters to her - the thing that she's posted about (cf. the title of the thread) - is that a driving ban would be inconvenient for her and her DP.

ChelseeDagger, if you were married to me you'd be marrying into a family who still mourn an innocent 18 year old who was killed by a drunk driver. Perhaps then you might understand the emotions felt by some of those who you describe as "sanctimonious".

@FloraButterCookie

I know someone who recently got off with being caught after claiming a threat was put on their life so they had to drive to safety. However I think money must have crossed hands

As they sometimes say: cool story bro.

The defence of necessity is so rarely invoked (and succeeds so rarely) it makes news all over the legal world - in the UK at least.

No sympathy at all from
Me I'm afraid.

OP he should lose his licence. I’m sorry about the position that puts you in but he should not be in charge of a vehicle if he thinks his behaviour is acceptable.

The only thing I can add to what PPs have said is that through my line of work I have lost count of how many fatalities I have seen through drink and drug driving over the years. The last one rendered 3 young children parentless. The culprit suffered minor injuries. All these drivers think they are in control and will be fine, it’ll never happen again but they’re wrong. Your DH is lucky he didn’t kill anyone or himself (although IME they always seem to kill or hurt others).

I hate to say it but if my DH did this, he’d be gone and I wouldn’t think twice. What he’s done shows a catastrophic failure of judgement and consideration for anybody on the planet apart from himself, least of all his own family.

OP, please please please do not let your DH drive your car with a broken wrist.

Physio-wise he should not be driving for 6 weeks.

It is perfectly obvious that no one can effectively take emergency action with one hand out of action, and if he has any kind of accident the insurance co and maybe the law will be very interested. As PP have said, a ban is mandatory. But they can also imprison. Unlikely fir a first offence where no one else was hurt. But Don’t increase his chances of looking reckless.

Some things are not worth the risk.

Petrol share with a friend, take the younger child up pre-school late. Move house so that school runs don’t rely on driving or to where he can commute by bike (once wrist healed).