8 Person Party! How do I not cause upset now?

[IsAnybodyListening]

I'll start by shouting ARGHHHHHH!

My DM and Step Dad live an hour away. Like most people, my DM has felt a bit down over lock down feeling she hasn't anything to look forward to, it is also her 70th soon. I suggested myself, DP and our DC's 20 and 15 go to hers to celebrate. So, that's 6 total, all good.

DM loves Karaoke, 60's music, and cocktails. We had planned I would treat us all to a Chinese Take-away (another of DM's favourites) and I would make a massive chocolate cake. Eldest coming home from Uni especially to celebrate also. DM has been very excited, sorting her playlists and I also believe a naff disco ball has been dusted

Anyway, DM just phoned saying my Step Brother and his wife have just been over for dinner, and are also coming over for her 70th.

This is 8 people and not allowed. In addition, my Step Brother is vegan, and his wife a celiac, neither will eat the planned take-away, as such, DM just told me she felt put on the spot and has just asked me to make food suitable for them, suggesting I make variations of lasagne that we can all eat.(so a meat version, a vegan version-and one suitable for celiacs I assume?)

I put the phone down a bit like a rabbit in the headlights-the initial plan has gone out the window, and I absolutely don't want to break the covid rules.

Do I call her back and say our family of 4 can no longer come? (she'll be upset) Do I call my Step brother and ask if he can visit with his wife to celebrate another day as we had plans (I would feel REALLY horrible doing this, as he is a lovely bloke, and I don't want to hurt his feelings)

But. It's 8 people! I also don't remember agreeing to cater for 8! So the initial plan has changed anyway. What can I say to cause the least hurt/annoyance?

Also bloody gutted.

Not RTFT so I wonder whether DSB didn't realise the kids are going? either way, just give him a ring, mention the rule of 6 say mum must not have thought of this and ask how he wants to rearrange. Say you look forward to when you can all see each other again but for now, them's the rules and you don't want a fine. You could maybe do a zoom call to drink a toast or play a game all together?

Re food, for future plans, I'm a veggie and would be mortified if someone planning a nice simple get together with a takeaway had then started making homemade dishes especially for me, I would rather just be told the takeaway wasn't suitable so I could take my own or find myself another takeaway nearby that can deliver something veggie on the night.

In the same way you got railroaded by your mum, I suspect she got railroaded by your brother and wife.
Firstly - call your mum and talk to her - and tell her the truth. Its against the rules, and even if it wasn't it would put a hell of a lot of extra work on you and change the vibe of the event.
Offer to sort it out and take the pressure off her and say you will call brother.
On phone to him - just stress its against the rules if you don't want the confrontation. I am bloody minded though and would give him a piece of my mind that if you are going to gatecrash an event then you do not put a load of extra work onto other people and stump up yourself to do any extra work like catering to their restrictive diets themselves.

Honestly it sounds like you're all nice, reasonable people. I wouldn't mind betting your mum mentioned the party, felt awkward and invited them. They in turn felt awkward about declining due to rule of 6 so agreed. Now 3 separate households may all be worrying away about what to do about this and not actually wanting a party for 8.

It's your party that you arranged so I'd take control of the situation. Speak to the step bro first and see if you can arrange different times to go over so you're not all there at the same time. Say your mum got confused with the food anyway as you were only ever going to get a takeaway so make clear you're not going to feed them. You could always throw in a sweetner of - you'll make a vegan gluten free cake so everyone can have a slice.

Once you've agreed all that just tell your folks what the plans are, reminding them of the rule of 6.

So cheeky to assume that you should cook three separate meals as well. Even under normal circumstances I wouldn’t do that! Back to the original conundrum, I agree with the PPs who suggest talking to your step brother. She’ll get two celebrations as well which is also lovely.