Would you send your child to private school if you could afford to?

[Diadora30]

A bit of a dilemma, my DS is due to start school next year, we live in a small village in the south west and the local primary is a 5 minute walk. It is rated as a ‘good’ school by Ofsted (I know ofsted reports are not the be all and end all).

In the next town there is an independent school with a pre prep, prep and senior school. It has amazing facilities and I’ve heard really good things about the teaching, there’s smaller class sizes and the pastoral care is meant to be excellent. It would be a 15-20 min drive to get there.

It would cost about 8% of our income for the next 3 years, and then slightly more as he progressed to higher years.

I don’t know why, but I feel torn. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Does it make a difference in the long term? Is it worth sending him to our village primary and then paying for some extra curricular activities instead?

He’s very energetic and loves all sports and the independent school is very sports based.

no fighting, no stealing, no shouting and swearing at the teachers, no bullying, no classroom disruption, no trying to upskirt the girls and no resident Police Officer (yep, Police on site all the time).

Most state schools aren't like this. My direct experience is (i) of having gone to an ordinary state school in a rough area and (ii) having an OH who has taught in rough state schools for knocking on 30 years. I just don't recognise the picture you're trying to paint. I'm not saying that no state school has its challenges, but I suspect your characterisation is rooted in prejudice.

No I hate private schools

My DD went to a lovely state primary. It was Good rated but changed to Outstanding whilst she was there. When we visited, I knew it was the right school for her. I would never have considered a private school. And I can’t imagine how any school would have been better. Re secondary school, my ideal was an excellent comprehensive and I think that is what she is in now. I prefer her to mix with children from all backgrounds. She has only just started so if things didn’t work out and she was really struggling to settle I would consider a private school if no other local state schools were right for her. It would be a last resort though because it is not my vision for her or really in line with my personal principles.

Yes I would. I’m not British though so I don’t have this notion of private education somehow being morally wrong - which I’ve com across a lot on MN!

Saying that I would also consider the state schools if they were good.

@thedancingbear

no fighting, no stealing, no shouting and swearing at the teachers, no bullying, no classroom disruption, no trying to upskirt the girls and no resident Police Officer (yep, Police on site all the time).

Most state schools aren't like this. My direct experience is (i) of having gone to an ordinary state school in a rough area and (ii) having an OH who has taught in rough state schools for knocking on 30 years. I just don't recognise the picture you're trying to paint. I'm not saying that no state school has its challenges, but I suspect your characterisation is rooted in prejudice.

It sounds very like the schools attended by me and my husband. A girl in my husband’s school (while he was there) had her face slashed (eye to chin) by another girl in maths class. A boy I was at school with was sent down for murder when we were all in year eleven.

We moved DS to private at secondary. He has mild dyslexia and I think he would get lost in the classes of 30 at local huge comp. Also in a grammar school system which means secondaries are less good.

He benefits from small class size (15). It’s a really nurturing school and it’s doing wonders for his self confidence.

Not sure what to do with DS2. Can’t really have one in private and the other at the local comp! But he says he’s happy to go there.

Thanks for your oh so intelligent input.

We live in an nice enough area and send ours to the local comp, which happens to be a decent school. It's also the closest. It's also between a couple of council estates and has a sizeable intake from there.

Go figure.

No sneering here, but a strong wish that the school system in the UK was fair for all kids.

My above post is in response to @allAllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

In your shoes I would try the state school near you OP.

What would you hope to gain from private school?

Not everything fancy or more expensive is always better in life. I do agree with other posters maybe state school for primary school at least.

Delatron.. I think you can, not every school is right for every child.

Can you put the money by? Pay for extra tutors etc?.

I wish people would make decisions on what's best for their dc I think really do.
Cousin had the money to send her son who failed 11+private, his ds was at grammar and she forced her ds into the secondary... It was quite rough, he didn't make many friends, didn't feel comfortable. She said she got him outside hobbies where he could '' meet his tribe ':🙄.

She said she couldn't send him private because.. It was agaisnt her political principles.

No, certainly not where we are. The state schools are good, and I've had some dealings with the very few private schools nearby and I don't think they are good value. My children are driven and pretty academic anyway. I don't massively approve of them either.

Yes definitely. X

Dust ball, from your comments I find it hard to believe you've experienced both.

Independent schools, as in your average one's, not eton, Harrow etc... Are very mixed, lots of dc with different backgrounds, cultures, some sen because smaller classes suit sen better, and children with a variety of needs. Money only insulates so much.

In my view the family with a secure roof, plenty of calmness, love, stability dp who judgelessly love their dc , food on the table will always be the most privileged.

Tootletum,

The people from the private school seemed naive and thoughtless 😂😂😂😂

People have the most bizzare ideas on here!

How can a private school that doesn’t offer a substantial set of bursaries (I mean 50% at least) ever be mixed. Everyone is there because their parents/grandparents are rich. Maybe no helicopter for the weekend rich, but comfortable enough to fork out several thousand pounds each months! I personally think the poster saying that they’d forgo pension savings is absolutely loopy.

Not unless something other than money changed. My local state primary is virtually my ideal school, so I'd be crazy to spend money on something which I found worse than the free option. The comprehensive is a bit less clear-cut. Academically, it's extremely impressive, but the pastoral support and extracurricular activities are good, but not exceptional. The activities aren't a problem, because it's easy to find excellent groups outside school, but I would pay for better pastoral care if I had more money. As things stand, the local independent which I would be happiest for my children to attend is smaller and so doesn't offer the GCSE combination that DD wants to study, so I would still stick with the state school.

Yes (we pay for 3 in private - zero regrets!)

No, I wouldn't.

I went to one for some of my schooling.

I also have friends who send their children.

They just don't seem worth it to me.

People have the most bizzare ideas on here!

Deflation - they certainly do.
Apparently at public schools they roast boys over a spit whilst singing Rugby songs in Latin (and if you break into Ancient Greek it’s your turn on the spit.
On a recent thread ...if your father is a Lord you don’t have to take the entrance exam
Everyone at a public school is an exact clone of Boris and Jacob Rees Mogg
And so on.

Obviously people can only give you their own experiences, and all evidence for or against private education is anecdotal to a certain degree depending on your experience of it. FWIW I have one in state and one in private and the difference is like comparing night and day.
The private school experience cannot be replicated by keeping your child in state and just making sure they join a couple of clubs, do a sport or have a bit of extra tuition. It's laughable, and if it were that easy nobody would choose private. Private schools are a community, at my sons there are 18-20 in a class, all are very able in some way or another be it academic, in a sport, drama or playing an instrument. It's not geeky to do well, it's applauded to work hard and get good grades. The hours are longer, lessons are til 4 and everybody does after school activities, of which there are hundreds, all included in the fees. Before I sent my son I wouldn't have even dreamt that schools like this existed. There is no problem behaviour, teachers teach, they're not social workers, parents care and are supportive.
Not every private school is like this, you have to find the one that's right for you, my son walks to his so has friends locally too, that was very important. If you can afford it, I wouldn't think twice.

Agree it is ludicrous to say that any private school is truly mixed. Diversity is not only about ethnicity and religion. Agree with the poster above who says that anyone who can find 12k spare each year for fees is by definition a very long way from disadvantaged. Disadvantaged is being on Universal Credit or disability benefits. Or being in very low-paid work and scrabbling to pay the bills every month.

Yes, I know that grandparents sometimes pay but this also often means the parents have a cushion too, should life go wrong for them. Unless it is one of those weird sets of grandparents that only support the grandkids' education and leave their own kids to fend for themselves in times of crisis... I know a few like that!

If I could afford it I’d send my two (just 6 and almost 4) in an instant.

There is SO much disruption in my 6yr old’s class, he’s only in year 1 and they have children who just get up and walk out, throw chairs and other stuff and honestly he is so fed up with it all, as am I!

OP, do you have the option of grammar at secondary? If so, then possibly private at primary, with a view to grammar. However, there are no guarantees your dcs will suit grammars or will get in and unless it is a prep, you probably have to tutor on top of that.

If grammars are not an option and the state primary is reasonably good, I would think the money is better spent at secondary and Sixth Form. The stakes go up quite a bit then and you want to keep your powder dry.

I find there is a big jump between Year 9 and 10 in terms of the input required in terms of study technique and preparation for GCSEs. It is more critical to have smaller class sizes and more focused specialist teaching and support then as well as careers advice.

DartmoorDoughnut

Are the kids whose parents pay for them to go to school not capable of this sort of behaviour?

How does it work in private schools if a child behaves like this?

I'm all ears.

We did for our DS. We can afford it, but do make sacrifices. We are not well off by any means. I would do it again in a heartbeat. He is so happy and it is a fantastic school with great teaching, facilities and opportunities.