Would you send your child to private school if you could afford to?

[Diadora30]

A bit of a dilemma, my DS is due to start school next year, we live in a small village in the south west and the local primary is a 5 minute walk. It is rated as a ‘good’ school by Ofsted (I know ofsted reports are not the be all and end all).

In the next town there is an independent school with a pre prep, prep and senior school. It has amazing facilities and I’ve heard really good things about the teaching, there’s smaller class sizes and the pastoral care is meant to be excellent. It would be a 15-20 min drive to get there.

It would cost about 8% of our income for the next 3 years, and then slightly more as he progressed to higher years.

I don’t know why, but I feel torn. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Does it make a difference in the long term? Is it worth sending him to our village primary and then paying for some extra curricular activities instead?

He’s very energetic and loves all sports and the independent school is very sports based.

On the whole no.

Having experience of private school consideration has to be made about value for money in terms of 'value added' educational achievement.

The culture at private schools is different to state and your children on the whole will be surrounded by the children of reasonably high earners

This can cause issues in terms of social awareness and there can be a degree of isolation if your lifestyle does not match that of your peers

Class sizes are smaller and behaviour generally better though bullying is not confronted as much as one would like as the teaching body do not want to discipline the children of fee paying parents

Can get educationally competitive in older years and the support for non academic pupils limited somewhat

100% yes.

We considered it - there's a very good private school a 5-minute drive away, which we could afford, but there's also an excellent primary school at the end of our lane, so a 10 minute walk. We would have had to have an extremely good reason not to send them there. Both flourished at the state primary, one went to Grammar school and the other is hoping to go to the local super selective Grammar next year so we're very happy - with the money we saved we didn't balk at the cost of the multitude of music, sports and other activities they wanted to do, too.

I would, just to keep DD away from troubled kids who lack ambition. For me it would mean I have no pension if I send her.

We do and have no regrets. The school is fantastic and dd is flying. I do believe though that the most important influence comes from home. Parents can pay as much money as they want but if they’re not actively involved in their child’s life and giving them the support and attention they need then it may as well be money down the drain.

Something to think about, too: My husband went to private school which was a reasonable journey out of his village. But because he had to leave quickly to get home he wasn't really able to socialise with the boys at his school. He used to see the children in the village who went to the local school, playing together, and he felt quite lonely. I do think that the community aspect of the local school has a big part to play - if it's a failing school then obviously not, but if not then you would have to have a really good reason not to choose it.

My kids used to go to a SW London prep and there was not a single parent with a helicopter. Shock, horror, there were at least 4 parents who rented and several others who lived in flats. Our local (CoE) had a posher and whiter intake.

We got rejected from our first 3 nearest schools (all ‘Outstanding’ btw) because they are all faith schools and we are not Christian.

If there was a level playing field for all kids in this country to attend their nearest state school then yes. But since because of his religion (or lack thereof, we are atheist), my child could not attend his nearest school, I couldn’t give a monkey’s about what anyone thought about my decision to privately educate him.

Absolutely not.

Having gone to a private school myself - I wouldn't want to send my kids to one.

Mine was a good school and I got good results. It was easy to learn because the environment was so cotton woolly. But when I left I was not at all prepared for what the real world was like. It's taken me years to adjust. This has affected my, and all my old school friends, ability to get on and work. It sounds awful and made up maybe. But it's not. None of us do anything beyond basic paid, low skilled work.

All through private school I felt embarrassed about it. I was involved in clubs out of school and always felt the odd one out and acutely aware of how privileged I was, even though it was a very average private school.

My kids are not in wonderful state schools now. There's always battles of some sort to fight, not helped by one having SN.

But honestly - I'd rather support their learning at home and allow them to feel a real part of their community.

If you can afford to then do it. The difference is shocking and you would be irrisponsible not to.

I think if you can afford to send private all the way through then you need to think about what will be the best schooling experience for your child and what will work best for you as a family.

My DCs have been to a mix of state and private, personally I think the private part is more important at secondary than primary. If I could have an ideal it would be state until year 3 and then move. Boarding school intake it year 9 whilst day is year 7, something else to factor in if you go state.

I am not keen on all through schools, I like that my DC had points where they moved school and met new people and had a new experience.

The difference is shocking VickySunshine. I've seen both sides.

But having seen both I can also say that it is very possible to learn just as much and more in State education.

When kids leave school they forget most of the facts they're taught.

The social learning (that cannot be marked and measured) that happens in a state school is invaluable for life. My kids come home with all sorts of stories of things that have happened that day. They're full of questions and learning all the time how things are for other people that have different values, cultures and challenges etc There are such a mix of people of all ethnicities, SNs, economic backgrounds and more.

Actually - I cannot think why a parent would choose not to educate their kids in this way. Exams and factual learning are one thing. They can be gained easily at any time. Social learning needs to happen when they are young.

Those that choose to send their kids to private schools are depriving them of that.

Absolutely! Really wish we could.

@Pinkdelight3

Five min walk to a good local primary is a no brainer. Private school will always be there for secondary or if for some reason things don't work out sooner. But being able to walk to school and have local school friends far outweighs driving everyday and sporty facilities at this formative stage. I'm sure facilities at the local school are perfectly fine.

This We send dd to school in the town over from us, not private but a much better public school than the one in town (bullying untouched, unmotivated teachers), facilities, teaching, offerings, everything at town over. The biggest issue we have had is dd has no local friends, can never walk or bike to school with friends. Now she 10 it's more an issue. There ain't activities even run in our town, too small so no chance to meet local kids.

The sheer amount of cash is obscene and my children would inevitably end up hanging out with kids with parents who have helicopters

Pumpkinnose Even at private schools few parents have helicopters. Why would your children end up hanging out with the children if those that do - do they have already have tendencies to hang out with rich people?

None of us do anything beyond basic paid, low skilled work

Dustballs maybe this is the case for you and your friends but it’s not universally the case. Privately educated people are disproportionately represented in highly paid professions which is why so many people object to private education.
How do you know you’d have been more successful if you’d gone to a state school?

Southwestten - of course I'll never know for sure. But for me, I appear confident (in a typical private school way) but underneath I'm not and it's a feeling that has lingered from my school days where I still feel overprivileged and a misfit. I feel like I stand out like a sore thumb. Of course it's faded a lot now. But it was still there strongly throughout and after university and into my early working life.

We were spoon fed, life was easy for us. We didn't have to fight for anything. I know I'd have been tougher and more resilient if I'd been brought up in a less sheltered environment.

Added to that - everyone I am surrounded by now was state educated and works in amazing jobs. It's where I live, I know. Possibly it's an unusual place. But the variety of jobs these people do ... I can see what state education can achieve. There is no need to send kids to private schools. Not unless you want them to be prime minister. And honestly, who would want that?

The problem with this question is that people always answer it from the perspective of their own experiences, or preconceptions, which may or may not be relevant to your circumstances. These threads always bring out stereotypical views. Either state schools resemble war zones with no facilities, full of feral children and private ones are idyllic with angelic children and an olympic sized swimming pool for every class of 8, or private schools are packed with racist, classist snobs overseen by unqualified brutes and state schools are forward thinking bastions of equal opportunity run by saints. In reality, whilst all these possibilities probably do exist somewhere, they aren't how it is for the majority.
I could write a long post telling you why I moved my children from private to state schools but since they aren't the same schools, or the same children I am not sure it would really help you.
There are good, bad and indifferent schools of all types, and one child will thrive in an environment that would be disastrous for another. I would urge you to stop thinking in general terms about state vs private and make very specific comparisons between the actual schools you are considering. It is difficult at the moment of course as most schools aren't doing open days, but some have online events which will give you some idea. Talk to as many existing or former parents as you can too. Put it all into the context of your particular circumstances and what you know of your child's personality, and be prepared for the possibility that no matter how much research you, do things may not turn out the way you imagine. In which case, be open to changing your mind.

Dustballs .... in my DIRECT experience the reason why you chose to send you child to an Independent school : no fighting, no stealing, no shouting and swearing at the teachers, no bullying, no classroom disruption, no trying to upskirt the girls and no resident Police Officer (yep, Police on site all the time). Much smaller class sizes, teachers able to concentrate ALL their time teaching, very low staff turnover, wider curriculum, very high level of expectation in just about everything, higher academic standards, wider vision of education (they instill manners and respect), significantly better facilities, school day is from 8;35 to 5.15 so NO homework. And as for cultural mix. Half the school were of South Asian origin with parents working two or even three jobs to pay for it. I don’t think she missed out for one minute , do you ?.

No. We could afford to and chose not to. Private schools create a two tier society where kids who attend them are being paid for to get better grades that their peers. It's not a level playing field or a reflection of society as a whole.

Basically, the kids get a better academic education because mummy and daddy can afford to pay for them to do so. That is reflective of a badly warped system.

I'd abolish them tomorrow if I could and inject the money into the state school system.

Failing that, they should be stripped of their charitable status (they aren't charities) and they should be taxed heavily. That tax should then be ring-fenced for use in state education.

I'd abolish them tomorrow if I could and inject the money into the state school system

Moutarde - what money? Parents aren’t going to pay fees to state schools if private schools are forcibly abolished.
On the contrary it will cost the state a whole lot more if they have to provide for all the privately educated children.

southwestten in countries where there are very few/ no private schools the state schools (in wealthy areas at least) are very well funded by parents through fund raisers/ donations. My brother lives in a very affluent part of California - they have full on balls as fund raisers for his kids (state) school which raise ridiculous amounts of money. Obviously it doesn’t help the state schools in poorer areas though.

We started in state primary but moved the eldest to indie a term into yr2, and moved the younger one at the same time purely for ease of school run, he had one term in reception. Now, 4 years on, the difference is stark! My younger child has a completely different work ethic and approach to school, friends and learning and he is thriving, the problems my older son had in state school still follows him around. I don’t think it’s a personality thing either.
This was in an ofsted outstanding school too, I honestly don’t think ofsted means a thing, it’s a box ticking exercise. .
If you can afford it and plan to move over at some point anyway, start indie.

@Moutarde

No. We could afford to and chose not to. Private schools create a two tier society where kids who attend them are being paid for to get better grades that their peers. It's not a level playing field or a reflection of society as a whole.

Basically, the kids get a better academic education because mummy and daddy can afford to pay for them to do so. That is reflective of a badly warped system.

I'd abolish them tomorrow if I could and inject the money into the state school system.

Failing that, they should be stripped of their charitable status (they aren't charities) and they should be taxed heavily. That tax should then be ring-fenced for use in state education.

Instead, you live in a “nice” area and send your children to the best state school in your area and sneer at parents who don’t. Much better.

Yes, although a good compromise is to top up state education with private tuition in subjects where more help is needed. Notably smaller class sizes are a bit of a myth in most private schools (I’ve had classes of 28 at one private school and 25 in one public school, compared to 14 in a state bottom set!).