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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remove the toy guns

178 replies

AlmostAlwyn · 24/09/2020 16:51

I've ordered a second hand playmobil set for DS (3.5). There's lots of people and horses and a prison/jail cell type thing. I imagine it's some kind of wild west themed set as there also quite a few rifles. I told DH that I was going to take the guns away and he thinks I'm being ridiculous, I can't pretend guns don't exist, etc.

DS is on a bit of a police/robbers track at the moment so AIBU to avoid the 'guns and what they do' chat for a bit longer?

OP posts:
Laughingcrow · 26/09/2020 10:24

Ok fair play I get what you are saying. But I still say she is unreasonable about the gun thing.

Pumperthepumper · 26/09/2020 10:26

@Laughingcrow

We are talking about toys. They don't play hangings no. But they haven't done it for me to have thought about that to be honest. Nor animals but we are vegetarian...
Why haven’t you bought them a toy noose? Didn’t they just bite their toast into a noose shape?
pooopypants · 26/09/2020 10:34

I just finished reading updates on this thread, whilst sat with DS who is eating toast. Though he didn't manage to chomp his toast into a gun shape, he doesn't eat 'edges' and decided to bend one over and pretend it was a gun. Maybe he can actually read and was inspired by this thread?

🤨

tornadoalley · 26/09/2020 10:40

I never bought toy guns and I remember DS1 making a gun from stickle bricks and Lego

cctvrec · 26/09/2020 10:43

We've always allowed toy guns and bought Nerfs every year at Christmas. My son (8) and daughter (10) even go shooting regularly at a gun range with their grandad who is a gamekeeper and DSC examiner (deerstalking).

My son is as far from violent as any boy could be. He could never shoot an animal either. He's never shot a nerf at a person (we don't allow that due to potential accidents) and he's not even into play fighting. He is gentle, kind and sweet (which to be honest plays against him when it comes to standing up for himself) and would never touch a real gun unless at the range. In my view, playing with toy guns doesn't encourage negative behaviour in kids and does not make real guns not something to be respected (or scared of in my case).

HOWEVER, if you have a nasty, violence inclined child (like my son's and half the classes tormentor) I would say guns, fake knives or real hammers like his mum used to let him have are probably not a good idea.

It's the child, not the toys.

Pumperthepumper · 26/09/2020 10:43

Ahhh more adorable stories about how boys are deprived of violent toys and simply must have them because violence in little boys is part of their DNA.

Pumperthepumper · 26/09/2020 10:44

It's the child, not the toys.

It’s not though, it’s the culture that we have that allows violence to thrive. Another pp said it better upthread.

daisychain1620 · 26/09/2020 10:52

Reading through the posts I don't understand why som would remove guns from play sets but allow supersoakers or nerf.
Also give the kids credit, just because they play with something doesn't mean they will need to use one in real life.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/09/2020 11:39

daisy i suppose where a gun does something like squirting water, then I'm not leaving my dc to go through the mental process of inflicting imaginary pain and death.

Not that I expect my dc never to play games like that, but I dont want to encourage it.

ScrumptiousJohn · 26/09/2020 11:54

It's not so much the thinking that if they use a toy gun that it'll lead to wanting a real gun that concerns me. Chances are most kids will never handle a real gun. It's the thought that playing at killing people is deeply unpleasant, and a really horrid thing to allow as an imaginary game.

I'm not sure I agree with the line that "it's ok to pretend it, or imagine it, or think about it, as long as you never actually do it"... for a start that would really muddy the waters for a lot of kids who are very literal in their connection between what is and isn't allowed - why is it ok to be violent in xyz, but not use the same violence in ABC...?

And then, taking it to another place completely, saying its ok to pretend/ imagine/ watch other unsavory things (I'll leave it to you to imagine scenarios), as long as you don't act on it also concerns me greatly. Kids become teenagers become adults... at some point we want them to move from imaginary play to real life situations, and having allowed horrid play, I'd worry that it creates a world of "it's ok" in teenagers and adults... even if they keep it to "online" or "virtual", I don't want to encourage any kind of unsavoury behaviour or thinking in kids.

daisychain1620 · 26/09/2020 12:11

I do see your point but for the longest time children have grown up playing these type of games and then grow up to be good, decent adults. I don't think it's important to shield children from this type of play. I grew up loving TV shows like A team, Knight rider and James Bond films. Loved the action and then played games as such.

I'm definitely not saying my point of view is correct and I do understand some parents wanting to 'protect'.

MagpieSong · 26/09/2020 12:44

I’d say it’s more just personal opinion in parenting. I understand why you’d want to, but I don’t think It’s playing with toys that makes a big difference. It’s more about your dialogue about guns and any weapon. Realistically, shooting a ‘baddie’ in a game is thinking through part of life. We talk about how people aren’t really ‘good or bad’ and how we’re made of our experiences. We also talk about the differences between killing to defend yourself when your life is at risk. We talk about how some Police can be wrong and have committed murder for no reason. I don’t see a need to shield, really, as imaginative play simply processes thoughts and ideas, it doesn’t have to negatively influence a child’s own actions. We often see children acting out situations they’ve witnessed, it doesn’t mean they’ll grow up to behave it in the same way.

Dinosforall · 26/09/2020 14:30

@Pumperthepumper

Ahhh more adorable stories about how boys are deprived of violent toys and simply must have them because violence in little boys is part of their DNA.
Can't believe this is still going! Pumper why are you having a go at all the parents who aren't buying their kids guns?

My DS is shortly having a birthday - he has asked for lego/books/Star Wars stuff. Not toy guns. He enjoys all manner of things.

If he gets too in your face when he's in a boisterous mood, we tell him off, but I'm not going to come down hard on him for a little bit of pretend shooting (or sword fighting).

sunyla · 26/09/2020 14:34

I think it's fine in a play Mobil set, though I understand where you're coming from. I'd never give my child a nerf gun, just like I'd never give them a toy knife or any other toy weapon.

sunyla · 26/09/2020 14:36

Would like to add, things like light sabres and water guns that look nothing like actual guns I'd be fine with.

Laughingcrow · 26/09/2020 14:46

The last few posters have put forward what I was trying to say much better than I have. It's a game. They have been played since the dawn of time! And to be honest the 'weapon' of choice is based on the time period the kids grew up in... Our kids have seen programs with all manors of weapons as I said before robin hood, king Arthur and his knights to power rangers and James bond. It's what kids do

Pumperthepumper · 26/09/2020 14:47

Can't believe this is still going! Pumper why are you having a go at all the parents who aren't buying their kids guns?

I’m pointing out how illogical it is to say ‘they’ll make a gun out of anything’. They won’t.

Laughingcrow · 26/09/2020 14:49

You know what I'm in this debate but I haven't actually ever bought a toy gun or a weapon of such toy as they have never asked but if it was in a set I wouldn't remove it. But they do pretend shooting with their hands, sticks and Lego etc and I don't stop them unless it all gets a bit much then I suggest it's enough and to play something else. As I'm sure many other parents do too. I don't think pumper understood my posts and was twisting it to sound like I promote violence to my kids when I don't. I'm just saying kids play these games. As long as they aren't physically hurting each other then let them get on with it. I'm not a helicopter parent but I am aware of what they are doing and we have rules etc

Pumperthepumper · 26/09/2020 14:52

don't think pumper understood my posts and was twisting it to sound like I promote violence to my kids when I don't.

Why would I do that? You wanted to make out like banning guns was hypocritical if they were allowed a buzz lightyear, I pointed out that the opposite is also true - why allow a gun and not a noose?

My kids don’t play killing games, neither do their friends - and there are loads of stories on this thread about parents who have seen real life gun violence who also don’t allow their kids to play violence. Pretending that it’s just something all kids (boys) do is ridiculous.

Alwaysinpain · 26/09/2020 14:55

I've literally just bought a toy gun for my child. I'm sat in a Wild West play centre which my child ADORES! Doesn't mean she's going to turn into a serial killer! 🤣🤣🤣

Laughingcrow · 26/09/2020 15:16

Ok hun

Original poster
AlmostAlwyn · 27/09/2020 07:44

I won't be giving him any bows and arrows, etc, either! It's definitely a culture thing. Where else would he learn about guns but from TV shows and films? (most of which are American these days and have a more relaxed view of guns in general). We don't have a TV and he's not allowed free access to YouTube or Netflix. The things he watches do not have guns (or lasers, etc). Why would I let him have toy guns and then have to explain what they are and what people use them for? I don't know about you, but I'm not keen on having that conversation with a 3.5 year old.

Let them be kids for as long as possible, and that doesn't involve playing with guns by default.

OP posts:
sunyla · 27/09/2020 12:02

Agreed. Sure, you will need to explain it to him one day, but there is no need for a 3 year old to know about guns or to pretend he is shooting one.

If you live in the US or in a country with no / little gun control it would be good to have a gun safety chat. Otherwise, I don't see the point.

Original poster
AlmostAlwyn · 29/09/2020 10:42

Here are the guns. There go the guns into the bin. Sorry 74% of people. I wasn't persuaded Grin

To remove the toy guns
OP posts:
LilyLongJohn · 29/09/2020 10:50

My mum was the same, we were never allowed guns or water pistols. I was the same with my dc. Good in you op