To remove the toy guns

[AlmostAlwyn]

I've ordered a second hand playmobil set for DS (3.5). There's lots of people and horses and a prison/jail cell type thing. I imagine it's some kind of wild west themed set as there also quite a few rifles. I told DH that I was going to take the guns away and he thinks I'm being ridiculous, I can't pretend guns don't exist, etc.

DS is on a bit of a police/robbers track at the moment so AIBU to avoid the 'guns and what they do' chat for a bit longer?

@Biker47

he won’t, if you explain that the sole purpose of guns is to hurt.

The sole purpose of my guns isn't to hurt anybody.

I can imagine target shooting is an interesting hobby requiring skill and concentration. But you've got to agree that the vast, vast majority of guns are used to hurt/kill people.

And to the PP who asked, no he doesn't go to nursery.

sure

Given I raised my children, I'm pretty sure I am more qualified than you to comment on this. There was no luck involved, just good examples and boundaries. You have no idea what you're talking it because you weren't there

@Pumperthepumper ermm right, on that weird, overdramatic note I think I’ll bow out . Need to polish my sons machete for the morning anyway.

@SoupDragon

sure

Given I raised my children, I'm pretty sure I am more qualified than you to comment on this. There was no luck involved, just good examples and boundaries. You have no idea what you're talking it because you weren't there

But you were - and see their absolute determination for a gun as innate and unavoidable. Must be in their DNA then! Adorable.

But you were - and see their absolute determination for a gun as innate and unavoidable. Must be in their DNA then! Adorable.

Yes, I was there and therefore I am the only one able to judge. You can not have a opinion on how they were raised or what they did because you weren't there - you have, quite literally, no idea. It's just adorable how you are just spouting the same nonsense.

Clearly my children were intelligent enough to understand the difference between real and imaginary things and are still able to do this now they are adults. Unlike some people.

But you were - and see their absolute determination for a gun as innate and unavoidable. Must be in their DNA then! Adorable.

Why such determination to pick this battle with @SoupDragon, who always seems a rational, down to earth sort who isn't the making-excuses-for-the-patricarchy type? You seem determined to make anyone disagreeing with you out to be some kind of violence-loving sub-par parent.

You’re quite defensive about your choices SoupDragon, while still having a pop at the OP for theirs.

Boys don’t need guns. They really don’t. They aren’t neglected from not having guns in their life, even as part of their play. It’s really not revolutionary. It’s not cute or intrinsic for boys to fashion weapons out of toast. It’s not unavoidable.

@FudgeBrownie2019

But you were - and see their absolute determination for a gun as innate and unavoidable. Must be in their DNA then! Adorable.

Why such determination to pick this battle with @SoupDragon, who always seems a rational, down to earth sort who isn't the making-excuses-for-the-patricarchy type? You seem determined to make anyone disagreeing with you out to be some kind of violence-loving sub-par parent.

I genuinely don’t recognise SoupDragon’s username so I’ve no idea of their opinion on anything other than ‘boys absolutely will make a gun out of anything if they’re deprived of it’.

How can you be anti-violence and let your children play pretend violence? And at what point do you say ‘ok, shooting dead is fine but not stabbing dead or hanging dead’?

DH (ex army) wouldn't let DS play with toy guns. DS joined the cadets and started playing with real machine guns at 14.

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners

DH (ex army) wouldn't let DS play with toy guns. DS joined the cadets and started playing with real machine guns at 14.

Why wouldn’t he let him play with guns?

My son is 7 and I do not let him have toy guns - including Nerf guns.

We wouldn’t let him ‘play’ at any other kind of violence so guns are no different.

Keep in mind that your DS will just secretly play with them anyway... (think nusery or friends house). He will just learn not to tell you as he knows you disapprove! And little secrets can easily turn into big secrets as he grows.

There’s a fantastic book called We Don't Play With Guns Here: War, Weapon and Superhero Play in the Early Years by Penny Holland.

It’s very eye opening. I highly recommend it.

I originally bought it mistakenly thinking it would help me to persuade nursery to take the toy guns away, but it completely changed my mind.

The author is a senior lecturer in early childhood studies (and a lovely lady who answers emails from worried parents).

“ War, weapon and superhero play has been banned in many early childhood settings for over 30 years. This book explores the development and application of a zero tolerance approach through the eyes of children and practitioners.

The author challenges the key rationale for linking aggressive play themes to violent behaviour. She examines play where children are allowed to construct weapons and enact goodies/baddies and superhero scenarios with sensitive adult guidance, and explores the generally positive experiences of children and practitioners. Rather than reading this form of play as the beginning of the slippery slope towards anti-social behaviour, readers are invited to view it as an entry point to imaginative play and social development.”

“ Holland offers important arguments: that children develop more sophistication, differentiation, and self-control when they are able to play with and through aggression in a safe and contained environment”

Penny Holland’s book was written nearly 20 years ago - I’ve read it, albeit a while ago. If I remember correctly it’s mainly about encouraging play in schools/nurseries where guns are already allowed at home. She’s another who mainly focuses on boys generally needing guns as an outlet, in a way that girls, miraculously, don’t.

Also, I’m not sure how often they play knights in 2020 - it’s mainly wizards and Pokémon.
No doubt we are on the verge of a huge spike in occultists running dog-fighting rings.

@Pumperthepumper yes, it was written 17 years ago.

Sorry, your point is ....what exactly?

[quote TheLastStarfighter]@Pumperthepumper yes, it was written 17 years ago.

Sorry, your point is ....what exactly?[/quote]
That times change, and also the other points I outlined in my above post - did you really need that pointed out?

@Pumperthepumper yes, times don’t generally change that much over such a short period of time though. It’s still an interesting read. But it seems to offend you somehow

pumperthepumper he said he knew what guns could do (he was in NI and saw a friend shot by the IRA in front of him, which contributed to him leaving the army). But he also didn't want DS to be restricted in career choices, so allowed him to join cadets, whilst secretly hoping it would get it out of his system and he wouldn't join up after school.

[quote TheLastStarfighter]@Pumperthepumper yes, times don’t generally change that much over such a short period of time though. It’s still an interesting read. But it seems to offend you somehow [/quote]
Things don’t change in 17 years? It is an interesting read but it’s not the ‘gotcha!’ moment you think it is. It still starts from an accepted point that violence in boys is innate, and I don’t accept that.

It doesn’t offend me, you brought it up and I pointed out the flaws in it.

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners

pumperthepumper he said he knew what guns could do (he was in NI and saw a friend shot by the IRA in front of him, which contributed to him leaving the army). But he also didn't want DS to be restricted in career choices, so allowed him to join cadets, whilst secretly hoping it would get it out of his system and he wouldn't join up after school.

Ah that’s a shame then, that must have been hard for him.

I don't allow guns, and remove them from toy sets. same with knives from Action Man type toys.

Never made it into a big deal if any of them played with toy guns or knives elsewhere.

Your children so your choice but why didn’t you just buy a different set if you feel so strongly.
Airport, farm, fire engines, shops, football, skateboarding. The list is pretty endless when it comes to play mobile sets.

Yes, he was quite damaged by it. I met him years after he left the army and he was still affected.