I have a dilemma - I need help

[IHateSuzie]

Posting in AIBU for traffic and I'm a long time user who has name changed for this

TL:DR - should I go to Australia to see if our relationship would work?

Full story

20 years ago I had a short relationship with a lovely bloke, unfortunately he'd already started the balls in motion to move to Oz for work, he asked me to go with him but I didn't want to leave family (mum) as she hadn't been well so to cut a long story short he left. I was heartbroken, he was heartbroken, it was an awful time.

We kept in touch over the years, updating each other on our relationships, work etc, and became great friends, video chatting 3 or 4 times a year, WhatsApping occasionally, our partners got involved in some of the chats and we all got on great. I always considered him my 'one that got away' and I think he did too, although it was never mentioned. We lost touch around 10 years ago, as his wife (not the same partner as previous), didn't like that we kept in touch, he was loyal to his wife and we agreed to dial back the friendship...eventually it fizzled out.

Fast forward to the last 6 months, my marriage has all but ended, just waiting for the divorce to be finalised and I'm much happier, it's all amicable. I've also just been made redundant after 25 years at the same company so have a few quid in my pocket for the first time.

About 2 months ago I signed up to Facebook and within 2 days the one that got away had found me, we started talking again and it was great, sadly his relationship had also broken down, his ex wife had moved back to England and he stayed in Oz with their son. About a month ago during a chat, the subject of our relationship came up, he said his feelings had changed towards me and he wondered what would have happened if we hadn't split up. We've got really close in the last month, we talk every day, we have the same interests and values, we work(ed) in the same field, have the same sense of humour and I get ridiculous butterflies when I think of him!

I jokingly said that I'd go to see him and all of a sudden it's snowballed and he's actually asked me if I want to, or he could come here and we could have a month or so together to see how it goes, if it goes well one of us makes the move at some point in the future.

I'm sooooo tempted to go and see where this leads, it could be my last chance at love, and if it doesn't work I've not lost anything. Obviously this will be discussed further and won't happen until Covid fucks off but would I be mad to go?

Go! 25 years ago I didn’t go to HK in a similar situation. Although I have now been married for 20 years, I do wonder “what if?” Occassionally.

@user1536853684

Redundancy, single and the prospect of a longish holiday. - nothing that can’t be undone easily by simply returning to the uk.

Granted if it is to be once a permanent arrangement then yes, things are more difficult but the OP isn’t at that point.

Absolutely do it! Go!

I forgot to say, I also was made redundant, which made it much easier to take the time to try it out. Twas a sign!

Go girl go.

Nothing to lose really.

At the very worst, you'll have had a good holiday in an interesting country.

At the very best (?), you'll be sending wedding invitations to all the MNers who've told you to go for it.

As it seems it will be a while until you can be in the same country I suggest you use the time to really get to know him as he is now. And don't put all your eggs in one basket or burn bridges.

PP who asked about OPs mum. Use your reading skills! Her mum has died .

@IHateSuzie

I know, I did say in my post it would be after Covid has gone away, if it ever bloody goes away

For me covid is the problem so it puts the plan on hold.

As for the rest of it what's the problem!

There is no reason you shouldn't go except if you don't want to which is a perfectly valid choice but if you do then go for it!

Don't force anything just go enjoy spending time together and if it feels right enjoy each other enjoy the country and your time there and if it turns out you both feel the same way great but if it turns out one of you doesn't then it's been a lovely holiday.

Thank you everyone, I think I'm going to go for it, I'm going to ask him if he can come here as his suggestion. Obviously depends on the COVID situation, but hopefully we we can sort something for early next year.

He's calling later so no doubt we'll talk about it then 🙂

Name change fail there, @IHateSuzie!

@pawsies

How's your mum now? I'd be hesitant to move away if it would make it difficult to get back to your mum in an emergency, or any family member for that matter.

Her mum is no longer with us

Ah bugger, that's switching from laptop to phone lol

I would see how things go for awhile and then decide for a visit for a month. Covid needs to be settled before you can really make your mind up.
Wishing you all the best whatever you decide .

Defo go! You will regret it you don’t give it a go. Good luck and Keep us posted

In the short term maybe he coud come here could he stay in a hotel/air bnb for a month..(dont know about quarentine)

dont make yourself dependent on each other and make sure you have have space...

online/distance and lost love is lovely ... but really you dont know this bloke from adam - he is a stranger to you....
look at suzy lamplugh stuff ... hopefully it will be great and lovely but be safe ....
anyway as with any new relationship - protect your assets ... always be able to get away, and think about your own needs and boundaries

Report your posts and ask them to be changed. And gooooo for it!!

Do it!! You’ll always wonder what if if you don’t.

The only reason not to give it a go now is Covid. Nothing to lose, possibly loads to gain!

Not sure why do you call this a dilemma, OP. You are both free and get on so well, you've got money to travel, and time, can't see what would be the negatives?
Unless you are worried about getting emotionally involved and then it not working out?

No dilemma. No ties here, once Covid free and travel is good, go. I wouldn't make him come back here, though, if the long term idea would be for you to join his life there. I think you'd be 'testing' the relationship in a sort of false environment.
My uncle did similar to you. Spent a year on a visitor's permit in Mebourne with an old flame. They ended up married and saw out the rest of their lives together. I think he was in his late 50's/early 60's when he made the move.

If he comes here it would show he's quite serious about furthering the relationship. If things work out well, you could always go back with him for an extended holiday.

Honestly, in your situation you would be crazy not to give it a go. You sound like you’ve thought it through and aren’t going into it’s with rose-tinted specs. You’ll be long distance for quite a while so there’s plenty of time to get to know each other better.

Just go for it or you’ll regret it forever.

I think you should do it.

DO IT! 1 million percent! I'd buy a ticket that's open ended so you can come home earlier if it doesnt go well over that month or if it does go better.

Live life by the Mark Twain quote:

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

He’s got a British Passport
Right?