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Original poster

My friends have fallen out with me but is it my fault?

146 replies

Findmeatthegym2020 · 23/09/2020 13:52

I was in a relationship with my good friend of 10 years brother a few years ago. She was always supportive of the relationship and it was her who actually set us up. We split up and he ended up starting a new relationship with a mutual friend of mine and his sister. Me and his new girlfriend fell out as I wasn’t comfortable being friends with her and we left it at that. They split up a year ago and we made up, however we both knew this was more of a civil friendship rather than true friends due to the issues in the past. Anyway, for the past few months I have been having a fling with ‘our’ ex but I recently found out that she has also slept with him recently also. My original friend and his other ex found out about our fling and have fallen out with me. I haven’t spoken to them for months because they said I was sly for going behind their backs to sleep with him even though the other friend has done the same thing. Am I really in the wrong here or is she wrong too? And how can I make up with my friend of 10 years (his sister) as she was one of my best friends and I’m very surprised about how upset she was over this?

OP posts:
Mulderitssme · 23/09/2020 18:26

Maybe the "friend" thinks you've given the brother and the ex Chlamydia. Also, how could she "go behind your back" trying to get back with her ex if no-one knew you were sleeping together again?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/09/2020 18:51

It sounds to me like a revenge shag that has backfired. You weren’t happy with her dating your ex, so as soon as they split, you thought you’d give her a taste of her own medicine.

It’s the sister I feel sorry for. The poor cow is stuck right in the middle of all of you. The only one getting any benefit is the brother, who seems to be getting his end away at any opportunity. The Y in his Y-fronts must stand for yo-yo, the amount of time they spend going up and down.

At least your friend’s Christmas shopping is sorted. Bromide-laced selection boxes for the lot of you!

RightYesButNo · 23/09/2020 18:52

@Findmeatthegym2020

I think this is being read wrong, I didn’t know she wanted to get back with him! This was no form of revenge. I genuinely thought they were over until the first time I saw him again and he told me that she’d been going behind my back trying to get back with him even though she knew that would effectively end mine and hers friendship
the first time I saw him again

I don’t understand; I think many people don’t. You said you were having a fling with him for a couple months. Then say this is the “first” time you saw him again. So, did you sleep with him before or after you knew she was begging to get back together with him?

Wait, hold on, why the fuck am I allowing myself to get invested. Sigh.

YouokHun · 23/09/2020 18:53

I only found out because he told me that she’d been constantly begging to see him

Well, he’s having a lovely time keeping you all spinning isn’t he? Why do you let some lowlife mess you around? It sounds like all you women involved need to put your efforts in to raising your standards instead of squabbling over some wanker who thinks he’s Hugh Hefner.

Woolwichgirl · 23/09/2020 18:59

This guy must be feeling like a super star jezz.

HannaYeah · 23/09/2020 19:02

I don’t think you should have had a fling with a dear friend’s brother.

If your friendship is important, you don’t use their family members for a fun time.

I also don’t think your friend should have gotten involved with him after you had; but sounds like she was thinking of him as something more than a good time.

None of this sounds good for you. It’s not showing yourself your friend, her brother and your other friend any respect.

My advice is back way off and think about it. Give your friend some space. Stay away from the brother.

IndecentFeminist · 23/09/2020 19:08

But you stopped talking to her when she started seeing him anyway? So you clearly didn't value the friendship either.

So you knew she was trying to get back with him, slept with him anyway because 'why not as she hadn't told you she wanted him back' (wtf, why would she? Given your previous issue with it)

And you are then surprised when the others start thinking poorly of you? I would too. He told you she had been pursuing him, so you decided to go there anyway? Why? Your behaviour and victimised attitude makes no sense at all v

notforonesecond · 23/09/2020 19:19

Does this bloke spunk gin or something?

Why are you both embarrassing yourselves over someone who clearly isn’t that arsed about either of you?

Even reading this made me cringe for you.

lyralalala · 23/09/2020 19:21

@Findmeatthegym2020

I think this is being read wrong, I didn’t know she wanted to get back with him! This was no form of revenge. I genuinely thought they were over until the first time I saw him again and he told me that she’d been going behind my back trying to get back with him even though she knew that would effectively end mine and hers friendship
So, her getting back with him would have ended your friendship, but you getting with him wouldn't?

Double standards ahoy.

giantangryrooster · 23/09/2020 19:23

You have been given good advice on this thread and chosen to ignore it.

Alternatively:
Hook up with the ex-girlfriend, leave bf to his sister's care and you all should get along nicely.

Plesky · 23/09/2020 19:24

@DragonPie

Why not just see people you don’t know. Or try internet dating. Seriously.
Or even go out with someone in a different school.
MiriamMargo · 23/09/2020 19:25

this sounds like the stuff of playgrounds !

LynetteScavo · 23/09/2020 19:27

What's this blokes name? Phil Mitchel?

BonosSigh · 23/09/2020 19:27

Urgh, you're crawling all over each other like a box of rats. Meet new people.

KeepingPlain · 23/09/2020 19:35

Why would you even go back to a man who slept with your friend straight after you split up? Do you have no standards?

Find better men, and better friends.

Devlesko · 23/09/2020 19:36

Is this really who you want to be? You are worth better than this, for God's sake move away. Thanks

Nyclair · 23/09/2020 19:41

Geez, this sounds complicated. One for Jeremy Kyle

Mellonsprite · 23/09/2020 19:46

Oh dear, where is Jeremy Kyle when you need him?

Yep, best comment on the thread.

It’s all too involved and has backfired on you. I’d leave this guy alone now, and don’t sleep with your friends relatives again it will rarely end well.

Nackajory · 23/09/2020 19:50

You sound about 16.

aSofaNearYou · 23/09/2020 19:52

YANBU.
Actually if anything I'd say she is more unreasonable than you for having got together with a mutual friend's ex in the first place. Presumably she feels this is a betrayal given her history with him, but that's a bit rich, isn't it.

But yes, you're essentially both fools for going back to him.

Boulshired · 23/09/2020 20:04

The friend needs to make some friends who haven’t slept with her brother and warn him to keep it in his trousers.

SheSaidHummingbird · 23/09/2020 20:26

No, not reading it wrong:

You're all teenagers.

You're all as bad as each other.

And you all have STIs.

TatianaBis · 23/09/2020 20:32

I don’t really care who OP sleeps with.

If bloke goes out with 2 women and then starts sleeping with both of them again unbeknownst to each other, I’m not sure why his sister cares. It’s a bit odd to penalise one over another when they’ve both done the same thing. Unless friend is favouring the one her brother seems to like more. But given his habits it seems a bit of a moot point.

Bluntness100 · 23/09/2020 20:34

Has the op still not given her age? This is clearly teenage stuff.

Op. For the last time, it’s not you shagged him. It’s you repeatedly lied about it.

I’m not sure why you’re struggling with that,

MrsSchadenfreude · 23/09/2020 20:36

Do you all have your own teeth?