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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My friends have fallen out with me but is it my fault?

146 replies

Findmeatthegym2020 · 23/09/2020 13:52

I was in a relationship with my good friend of 10 years brother a few years ago. She was always supportive of the relationship and it was her who actually set us up. We split up and he ended up starting a new relationship with a mutual friend of mine and his sister. Me and his new girlfriend fell out as I wasn’t comfortable being friends with her and we left it at that. They split up a year ago and we made up, however we both knew this was more of a civil friendship rather than true friends due to the issues in the past. Anyway, for the past few months I have been having a fling with ‘our’ ex but I recently found out that she has also slept with him recently also. My original friend and his other ex found out about our fling and have fallen out with me. I haven’t spoken to them for months because they said I was sly for going behind their backs to sleep with him even though the other friend has done the same thing. Am I really in the wrong here or is she wrong too? And how can I make up with my friend of 10 years (his sister) as she was one of my best friends and I’m very surprised about how upset she was over this?

OP posts:

PicsInRed · 23/09/2020 14:34

Don't get pregnant to him, obviously. Ruined life lies that way.

Original poster

Findmeatthegym2020 · 23/09/2020 14:35

I completely see what you’re saying here, however the other ex kept it very secret in the fact she had slept with him too, I only found out because he told me that she’d been constantly begging to see him whilst we had made up on the basis that he was in the past for both of us so when I found out about this I didn’t feel guilty about going back to sleeping with him considering she had done the same

OP posts:

AriesTheRam · 23/09/2020 14:37

You'll have all forgotten about him when you leave school.

Original poster

Findmeatthegym2020 · 23/09/2020 14:37

I can see why my friend feels in the middle but when both of us have recently slept with him I don’t know why I’m getting all the blame and my friend has not fallen out with our other friend?

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 23/09/2020 14:38

Oh my,

Op is the issue here you just can’t get over him and would do anything to be with him, including lie to your best friend?

Look he’s not interested. It’s never going to work sith him, you’ve sacrificed your closest friendship for a few crumbs of his time.

Bluntness100 · 23/09/2020 14:39

@Findmeatthegym2020

I can see why my friend feels in the middle but when both of us have recently slept with him I don’t know why I’m getting all the blame and my friend has not fallen out with our other friend?

Maybe she told her friend right away and never lied. Not telling you isn’t the same as not telling the sister. Maybe it was a much longer more serious relationship than you ever had with him.

butterpuffed · 23/09/2020 14:39

@Chicchicchicchiclana

Oh dear, where is Jeremy Kyle when you need him?

CJsGoldfish · 23/09/2020 14:40

Classy

No one comes out of this looking any better than the other.

HorsePellets · 23/09/2020 14:41

Good grief.

Get some respect for yourself and move on from the sad, sorry lot of them: the ‘friend’ who rubbed your face in her relationship with your ex, the ‘best friend’ who set you up with her arsehole brother despite most likely knowing what he is like, and this twat of a man who doesn’t deserve any of anyone’s time for being a cheating, shady git!

Dear lord, when did things get so desperate that the barrel had to be scraped this hard for both men AND friends?!

Give yourself a shake!

Original poster

Findmeatthegym2020 · 23/09/2020 14:41

She didn’t tell her straight away she kept it very secret

OP posts:

notanothertakeaway · 23/09/2020 14:42

I bet he is just loving the attention and drama. All these people falling out over him

I'd move on, find some new friends (and don't sleep with them)

Kanaloa · 23/09/2020 14:43

You said you didn’t feel guilty sleeping with him because your friend had done the same. But when she did this, you stopped talking to her? So obviously you didn’t think it was a good thing to have done. Now you’ve done it and she feels the same as you did before and she’s stopped talking to you.

I think you’d be better just walking away from the whole mess. You sound young, and there’s plenty of guys out there. This one sounds like too much work.

RoseTintedAtuin · 23/09/2020 14:43

You have some serious double standards OP. You stopped being friends with friend 2 because she got with your ex (ok) but are now feeling hard done to that she is upset now you have don’t he same thing? You rekindled friendship based on him being behind you both and then slept with him so sounds like the friendship wasn’t high on your priority list. I feel bad for your first friend. She’s in the middle and probably feels she’s introduced her brother to two people who do t really value him or their friendships (don’t get me wrong he doesn’t sound like much of a catch either).

Original poster

Findmeatthegym2020 · 23/09/2020 14:46

Yes but because I was with him first, she was initially in the wrong and I didn’t sleep with him again until after I found out she’d already been begging him to get back together

OP posts:

12309845653ghydrvj · 23/09/2020 14:49

I don’t think anybody in this situation comes out looking very good!!!!! You’re all acting like horny, petty teenagers, I hope everyone is at least using protection!!

Move on from the situation, tbh I don’t think anyone can claim to be “right” in this situation.

Bluntness100 · 23/09/2020 14:49

@Findmeatthegym2020

She didn’t tell her straight away she kept it very secret

But she told her right and she didn’t get found out and she didn’t lie about it.

And what do you mean you only shagged him because you found out she wished to get back with him? How jealous are you?

Bluntness100 · 23/09/2020 14:51

You still haven’t clarified thr time line here.

How old are you?

How long ago were you with him and for how long was your relationship?

How long was she with him?

Legallyblondeee · 23/09/2020 14:52

@Nikori

This is exactly why it's never a good idea to sleep with your friend's brothers.

I'd stop seeing him and give your friend time to forgive and forget. Maybe she will.

This made me laugh. I married my best friends brother 😂😂

12309845653ghydrvj · 23/09/2020 14:52

Yeah previous poster is right: is there a reason you’re not sharing the timeline? It’s pretty critical.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/09/2020 14:53

I think you should bin the lot of them off and find new people to hang out with. This is entirely too, well "incestuous" isn't quite the right word, but this bloke has had a relationship with all of you (one of course being his sister, not a sexual relationship) and it's just all entirely too claustrophobic!

Forget them all. Move on.

EatDessertFirst · 23/09/2020 14:54

Does he have a golden cock?

Sounds like a load of teenage drama. You all need new friends.

thepeopleversuswork · 23/09/2020 14:56

@Findmeatthegym2020

I wasn’t happy to remain friends with her because she was my friend and constantly flaunted their relationship in front of me straight after we split up whilst I was still very upset

That's understandable but surely you can see why having made it clear you were upset, they now think you have been a bit of a hypocrite by sleeping with this guy again shortly after they split and now getting pissed off that he has also slept with the other ex.

You can't have it both ways: either you both have equal dibs on this bloke and let it go, or you expect to adhere to the same standards you expected of your friend.

By the way I strongly suspect he's not worth it and you're both better off without him.

DragonPie · 23/09/2020 14:56

Maybe date people who aren’t friends of friends brothers (or whoever). It all sounds very small town, where everyone just sleeps with each other.

Original poster

Findmeatthegym2020 · 23/09/2020 14:56

I understand why the other ex is upset but I don’t really see how she has a leg to stand on after everything she’s been doing and done in the past! Also she has been getting close with another of my ex’s which is totally out of order imo

OP posts:

Original poster

Findmeatthegym2020 · 23/09/2020 14:58

I was with him around 4 months and she was with him around 9 months so neither were serious relationships

OP posts:

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