Winding myself up about Christmas

[Summertime2]

I know I'm getting ahead of myself here but I could do with hearing other people's thoughts.

We are a family of 4 - 2 early teenage children. Both DH and I have divorced parents. DHs mum is on her own and this year is "our year" to have her for Christmas. My mum is remarried, also the year she would expect to come to us. (Normally we would combine). I also have a brother who is single and normally expects to be included.

For context DHs mum lives near to us and we see her every couple of weeks. She has clearly been lonely but ignored lockdown and turned up every week on our doorstep so we couldn't turn her away. My mum lives 3.5 hours away and I have only seen her twice since last December due to Covid restrictions.

Also my mum was hospitalised in the spring and nearly died. We weren't allowed to see her. It was touch and go and she needed to be resuscitated.

So if we are only allowed 6 people at Christmas what do I do? I want to be with my mum this year. Go to her on my own? Take one child?! How awful!

Obviously if restrictions are stronger with no household mixing I won't have any option. And I know I will be expected to just ignore the rules and host MIL.

What do you think?

I think I will be interested too see how Boris is going to police this because I would imagine most people will be having who they like over for Xmas tbh.

Have two Christmas’s; one with your family, one with MIL.

If the guests could self isolate for two weeks beforehand that would give everyone some reassurance? I don't really know the right answer though sorry.

And go and see your mum before Christmas for a weekend.

Just wait for a bit. The rules will change again. If anyone asks, say you will see nearer the time as you want to be as fair as possible to everyone.

If need be, have two Christmas meals one on the day and one on Boxing Day and get them to flip a coin to choose!

Get your MIL TOLD. - no just dropping in, but you should have done that months ago!

Invite your Mum (if it's allowed by then) feel no guilt. MIL has stealthily had lots of your time & attention.

I say that as an adult who will be spending Christmas on my own this year (DP will spend it with his DS & ferrying him back & forth between grandparents & his Mum ) it's one day.

I personally would see my mum if she’d been so unwell. I’d go in my own if I had to but no way would I be not seeing her at Christmas if it was possible. I’d be telling MIL now too. DH can always host MIL if he wants to.

Disclaimer - I am not married. DP doesn’t care if we see his parents or not and he is told he is welcome to join me or not it’s entirely his call but me and my children (not his and fortuitously exH doesn’t do Christmas) see my parents. Also disclaimer - I can’t stand people who just turn up uninvited so this would make me determined to be away.

It's quite logical that you take DH's mum who is alone, your DB will go to your mum and her husband.

Alone family takes priority and the rest can be visited in the time around. We always did it like this even well before covid.

If MiL is local and on her own, and your mum has a DH and son, then to me it would make sense to have MiL for Xmas and then go to your mum on boxing day.

Or you could go to your mums for Xmas day and your DH could host MiL and then come up with the kids on boxing day?

Your mother in law is idiotic and reckless. There is a risk to socialising indoors with her, and your mother sounds as if she may be vulnerable given her medical history. I wouldn’t mix them.

Boris (or Nicola:Mark/Arlene depending on where you live) might take the decision out of your hands anyway. But i would invite your mum.

Meanwhile, put a stop to your MiL’s nonsense.

Everyone quarantine for 2 weeks and then have it together 👏🏼

Can’t you do one day for each family, one on Christmas Day and one on Boxing Day, they aren’t kids after all, it’s one day.

Just skip it this once - it’s just one year no big deal really

@SchrodingersImmigrant

It's quite logical that you take DH's mum who is alone, your DB will go to your mum and her husband.

Alone family takes priority and the rest can be visited in the time around. We always did it like this even well before covid.

So OP shouldn't see her mother on Christmas for the rest of her life because she has a brother? How ridiculous is that

For one year only let yourself spend it how you want. Your mum almost died....think I know what I’d be doing!

Your mum, husband and brother spend the day together and you see MIL. Then have either Xmas eve or Boxing Day with your mum.
Not fair to leave MIL alone.

So OP shouldn't see her mother on Christmas for the rest of her life because she has a brother? How ridiculous is that

I didn't say that... I don't think there will be restrictions for the rest of her life🤷🏻

I think your poor MIL is getting a hard time here. Only on mumsnet is it awful for a mil to visit her son once a week. I often wonder how all the mumsnetters will feel when their children grow up and never want to see them?

She is the one in the vulnerable category due to her age so if she was willing to risk it I dont see the problem.

As for xmas I would lean towards mil simply because she will be all alone while your mam has a husband and son. You could then see your mam on boxing day. I also like the idea of everyone isolating for 2 weeks and all being together for xmas.

But everything could change by xmas so maybe wait abit longer before making any concrete plans.

Be sensible about it, work it out between them. They surely know the rules too for their own protection, it is not all down to you.

These threads will multiply as the weeks go on. Someone has to take infection control lol.

Mad stuff. It is only one or two days FGS. Get a grip and do your best to protect everyone. Don't be guilt ridden either, it is all for those in need of sheilding or extra care.

Those people need to understand that too.

@Mamawell81

Everyone quarantine for 2 weeks and then have it together 👏🏼

This doesn’t stop it being against the rules... No idea what I’ll be doing either.

I understand why you want to get it sorted but with rules changing so frequently there’s just no point thinking about it right now. Christmas is three whole months away and there’s simply no way of knowing what the rules will be by then

If your mum could be with your brother tbh I’d see MIL on Christmas Day so she’s not on her own and see your mum and brother on Boxing Day or Christmas Eve. That’s assuming current rules don’t change, but of course they will.

So with your household plus your Mum, MIL and brother you'll be 7 people. For goodness sake just go ahead and enjoy the day. Whether there are 6 people or 7 people will make absolutely no difference whatsoever. If you were suggesting 16 family members that would be unreasonable, but not 7!

For just one year, stay at home and stop the spread. It’s not rocket science!

For goodness sake be with your mum! For goodness sake even if your own dc take you one person over!

I think we all might have to adjust from our ideal Xmas or just do why we please.

I dunno 8f it's just because we are a forces family but weve had several xmases at odd times with some or only part of the family. Weve haf our main Xmas day in August, Feb and April before now. My kids are now grown up but undamaged.

As for adults, even the elderly ones living alone had to adapt those years. We just do the best we can. It's not ideal but its also not the end of the world in the big scheme of things.