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Original poster

Winding myself up about Christmas

101 replies

Summertime2 · 22/09/2020 21:59

I know I'm getting ahead of myself here but I could do with hearing other people's thoughts.

We are a family of 4 - 2 early teenage children. Both DH and I have divorced parents. DHs mum is on her own and this year is "our year" to have her for Christmas. My mum is remarried, also the year she would expect to come to us. (Normally we would combine). I also have a brother who is single and normally expects to be included.

For context DHs mum lives near to us and we see her every couple of weeks. She has clearly been lonely but ignored lockdown and turned up every week on our doorstep so we couldn't turn her away. My mum lives 3.5 hours away and I have only seen her twice since last December due to Covid restrictions.

Also my mum was hospitalised in the spring and nearly died. We weren't allowed to see her. It was touch and go and she needed to be resuscitated.

So if we are only allowed 6 people at Christmas what do I do? I want to be with my mum this year. Go to her on my own? Take one child?! How awful!

Obviously if restrictions are stronger with no household mixing I won't have any option. And I know I will be expected to just ignore the rules and host MIL.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Fannybawz · 23/09/2020 09:18

I’m doing what the fuck I like on Xmas day.

We will be selfIsolating for a week beforehand

I need a day off from this mindNumbing misery

randomer · 23/09/2020 09:20

Are you Christian? Do you celebrate the birth of Christ? If no, then apply some thinking to the situation.

You have been through trauma, your sibling does not need to be catered for,make life easy for yourself.

speakout · 23/09/2020 11:12

Are you Christian? Do you celebrate the birth of Christ?

?????
My christmas has nothing to do with jesus.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 23/09/2020 11:16

Christmas are a stolen Winter solstice celebrations😁 Jesus was not born in December.

Also. Op, people are confused about your mum being by herself. Which she isn't, is she as she remarried. I think it's skewing the opinions.

Funkypolar · 23/09/2020 11:22

We will all be dead by Christmas according to the experts.

Cadent · 23/09/2020 11:24

Sounds like a lot of work. Who does all the shopping / cooking / washing up and do MIL/DB/DM contribute? Does DH help?

If you're always bearing the brunt of the work, I would advise you to take DC to see your mum and and let DH sort Xmas for

Could DB host you, mum and kids? And DH host his mum at yours?

Venicelover · 23/09/2020 11:29

@Allaboutthepizza

So with your household plus your Mum, MIL and brother you'll be 7 people. For goodness sake just go ahead and enjoy the day. Whether there are 6 people or 7 people will make absolutely no difference whatsoever. If you were suggesting 16 family members that would be unreasonable, but not 7!
This is what I would/will be doing.
ineedaholidaynow · 23/09/2020 11:35

Poor stepdad, will he be having Christmas by himself, everyone seems to forget him!

userxx · 23/09/2020 11:39

We will all be dead by Christmas according to the experts.

Exactly. Not point stessing about it ;)

Potterpotterpotter · 23/09/2020 11:43

Just do what you would normally do, it’s Xmas day. Fuck the stupid rules.

unmarkedbythat · 23/09/2020 11:45

I don't think any of us can really plan for Christmas yet, can we? Anything could change at any time.

My SIL is due to give birth just after Christmas and I am their person for looking after their older child whilst she delivers, at this moment I can't even work out whether that is allowed. I think it is- we are a 5 person household and their child coming to us would make it 6, plus it's childcare anyway which I think is exempt... but if it is not allowed I am still going to have to do it anyway, aren't I?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/09/2020 11:48

It's too far ahead to panic yet. Things can and will change a few times before then.

If Christmas was a week away I'd suggest:-

Bro goes to Mums for Christmas Day.
You host MIL for Christmas Day.

4 of you travel to Mums Boxing day and stay a couple of nights.

Redwinestillfine · 23/09/2020 11:51

Can you brother have your mum this year and you have MIL ( more realistic) and you see her as close to Christmas as restrictions allow?

Horizons83 · 23/09/2020 12:17

Have your mum come and stay with you -send your DH to his mum.

gnushoes · 23/09/2020 12:24

Honestly, it's three months away. Park any thoughts or worries until the start of December at least. Then you'll know what you're dealing with and how minded you are to obey regulations.

movingonup20 · 23/09/2020 12:29

Wait and see. We should be 8 but if needed I will be the one not to go as my brothers are single and my DD's want to go to their grandmothers. First Xmas post full split (I let their dad come last year)

Keratinsmooth · 23/09/2020 12:42

Just panic buy a frozen turkey, everything will be fine

Embracelife · 23/09/2020 15:18

Maketwo xmas days. Simples.

SoloMummy · 23/09/2020 16:10

@Summertime2

I know I'm getting ahead of myself here but I could do with hearing other people's thoughts.

We are a family of 4 - 2 early teenage children. Both DH and I have divorced parents. DHs mum is on her own and this year is "our year" to have her for Christmas. My mum is remarried, also the year she would expect to come to us. (Normally we would combine). I also have a brother who is single and normally expects to be included.

For context DHs mum lives near to us and we see her every couple of weeks. She has clearly been lonely but ignored lockdown and turned up every week on our doorstep so we couldn't turn her away. My mum lives 3.5 hours away and I have only seen her twice since last December due to Covid restrictions.

Also my mum was hospitalised in the spring and nearly died. We weren't allowed to see her. It was touch and go and she needed to be resuscitated.

So if we are only allowed 6 people at Christmas what do I do? I want to be with my mum this year. Go to her on my own? Take one child?! How awful!

Obviously if restrictions are stronger with no household mixing I won't have any option. And I know I will be expected to just ignore the rules and host MIL.

What do you think?

Surely if you'll be expected to host for mil, then your mother needs to come and stay, as ultimately you will be her bubble if she lives alone.
doctorhamster · 23/09/2020 16:14

I think there's a pretty good chance you won't be able to host anyone by Christmas so I wouldn't worry about it too much! I'm in a lock down area and can't have anyone in my house or garden.

A lot can happen in a few months op, I wouldn't stress about it just yet.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 23/09/2020 16:16

Just go ahead with the 7 of you. I definitely would. I wouldn't leave one person out.

friendlycat · 23/09/2020 16:32

The way things are going we could well be in the situation that Scotland is where no households can mix at all. I really would not worry about it at the moment frankly.
But if you want to plan (and accept this might have to change) just do two separate ones and make them both great.

randomer · 23/09/2020 17:35

@speakout, so therefore its 24 hours of face stuffing. No more and no less.

Therefore, shrink it down mentally into just that.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 23/09/2020 18:17

Seriously where do people get the 7? It's 8 or am I stupid?

MrsKingfisher · 23/09/2020 18:34

Christmas will be different for a lot of people this year. I would go alone and have some quality time with your mum. You could have another Christmas with your dh etc before or after. I couldn't leave my mum on her own assuming you have a good relationship, it can be a really lonely time for people.

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