Winding myself up about Christmas

[Summertime2]

I know I'm getting ahead of myself here but I could do with hearing other people's thoughts.

We are a family of 4 - 2 early teenage children. Both DH and I have divorced parents. DHs mum is on her own and this year is "our year" to have her for Christmas. My mum is remarried, also the year she would expect to come to us. (Normally we would combine). I also have a brother who is single and normally expects to be included.

For context DHs mum lives near to us and we see her every couple of weeks. She has clearly been lonely but ignored lockdown and turned up every week on our doorstep so we couldn't turn her away. My mum lives 3.5 hours away and I have only seen her twice since last December due to Covid restrictions.

Also my mum was hospitalised in the spring and nearly died. We weren't allowed to see her. It was touch and go and she needed to be resuscitated.

So if we are only allowed 6 people at Christmas what do I do? I want to be with my mum this year. Go to her on my own? Take one child?! How awful!

Obviously if restrictions are stronger with no household mixing I won't have any option. And I know I will be expected to just ignore the rules and host MIL.

What do you think?

It wouldn't be 7, it would be 8. Family of 4, mil, mum and her DH, DB.

Oops. Posted too soon.
Spend it how you want. If you want your mum see her and do something "special" another time with other relations.
Covid might be a good excuse in some circumstances this year.

His mum if she is single becomes part of your bubble. Your brother becomes part of your mums surely and then the three of them have it together. My mum will be coming to us as shes single. My dad has a wife and my husbands parents will spend it with their single sister. I think ALOT of people will ignore it on xmas day.

I would make sure the people who would otherwise be on their own at Christmas are invited (so MIL and DB). I would then go to see DM on Boxing Day or invite her up on Boxing Day. No one should be alone at Christmas.

Moan moan moan.

So if we are only allowed 6 people at Christmas what do I do? I want to be with my mum this year. Go to her on my own? Take one child?! How awful!

Go get the virus & spread it then OP. I mean it is Christmas. Yes how awful. Risk it then.

Book a couple of tables in the pub sorted then you don't have to cook an everyone will be there.

You can’t possibly ask on here . Every family is different . There is no one answer and christmas is not just one day .

There is Boxing Day as well and the following week .

@Pixxie7

Can’t you do one day for each family, one on Christmas Day and one on Boxing Day, they aren’t kids after all, it’s one day.

And take MIL's germs to her vulnerable mother?

Two old ladies who don't get out much are not massively going to boost your COVID risk. If they're happy to come, have both of them. Your brother might have a more exciting invitation!

Poor step father will end up alone since everyone keeps forgetting him😂

DHs mum is on her own and this year is "our year" to have her for Christmas. My mum is remarried

It’s only awful if you make it awful. You say going alone or with 1 child is awful. Change your mindset. If you nearly lost her this year then seeing her alone or with 1 child in nothing short of a miracle you should be grateful for

I wouldn't have mil and dm together.
Mil doesn't sound like you could trust her to isolate before xmas.
I'd have mil on xmas day as on her own, then dm etc on boxing day, brother can either do something different or join with dm.

We are seeing 7 adults from 3 different households plus two of which have 2 kids.

I also think the rules will be tightened by Xmas and mixing households will be forbidden. Your MIL will probably end up in a support bubble with you. So I would go to see DM asap preferably for a long weekend.

I would have thought the 2 teens are the most likely virus spreaders especially if schools are still open

Let's see what happens with the numbers. If they go up lots by December well we have to be sensible. If they go down lots, let's party!

Have to think of NHS and what they might be facing. Let us be sensible and not selfish here.

We’re in Scotland so no visiting indoors at all. Usually it is MIL (on her own), us, and BIL/SIL, so five adults from three households. Last Christmas I got flu (possibly Covid?) when we were supposed to host but had to cancel on Christmas Eve because I was so unwell. We had a Hogmanay dinner instead, although I couldn’t taste a bloody thing!

Who knows what this year will bring, but I hope MIL will “bubble” with one of her sons and not be alone. So far she has refused to choose. I think many families will be having difficult and different Christmases this year.

FWIW, despite me being really sick, we actually had a nice Christmas Day, in pyjamas, cosied up on the sofa watching junk telly. (I realise this is easier because we don’t have children though.)

We’ll likely be in lockdown by then so j wouldn’t worry

Also....you didn’t stand up and do the right thing by sending your MIL away so she’s been coming over all through lockdown?

Self isolate for two weeks and see each other? I’ll be seeing mine, forcing people to be alone at Christmas is grim. It’s not like your hosting a party of 40. Just my opinion.
The police won’t give a toss about 7 people.

I would see your mother with all the kids.
Then I would see MIL separately. Don’t do it in the reverse order.

We almost lost my mom a few years back, even said goodbye to her in the hospital. It was a miracle recovery, but we only got a few more years before she died. I know we were very lucky to have gotten that extra time.

You obviously want us to tell yoU to have your mum rather than MIL.

You cant really make plans this far in advance. I expect the UK will have stricter rules again come Christmas.

I think that your husband and MIL should understand that this year is different for you since you haven't seen your mother much and she nearly died, and you've all been seeing your MIL on a regular basis all year long.

I don't know exactly how I'd divide everyone up, but surely everyone can have some family time together around the day, even if it's not exactly on Christmas. Either that or just have everyone together, anyway. It's only a couple more, not a huge number of people. It doesn't seem any more wrong than letting MIL visit every couple of weeks during lockdown.

I'd probably do as others suggest, though, and take the children to see your mother ASAP, in case it becomes more difficult to visit closer to Christmas.

I agree that it's hard to make plans yet as who knows how things will be by Christmas. There may be no household mixing by then. I agree with whoever said to look into booking a restaurant for everyone, if you can afford it. Have your mum stay for a few days, but have Christmas dinner out. It seems the easiest solution to me.

I second two christmases! We do this and it works well.

Too early to plan, honestly just review again in December. If cases are high your DM may not want to risk seeing you and DC, or you may not want to risk seeing her. Maybe you will be allowed 7, maybe no household mixing at all. Don't stress about it now when you can't even work anything out since you don't know the situation.